Re-Parenting - Part 14 - Protectors

*****
The brain develops ways to protect the wounded inner child. These are known as adaptations or protectors. The problem for people from Complex Trauma is that once they become adults, these adaptations cause them a lot of problems in relationships and life. Learn about these protectors and how to reparent them during todays Tim Talk.

*****

Become a Member!

Understand the Development of Complex Trauma in Your Life
Online Course: 12 Basic Needs

Discover how Addictions are Formed and Find Healthy Ways to Cope
Online Course: Addictions + Complex Trauma

Learn How to Parent Yourself and a Child with Complex Trauma
Online Course: Parent Bootcamp

Ready to Dig Deep and Learn Tools to Recover From the Negative Effects of Complex Trauma?
Online Course: LIFT Online Learning

DISCLAIMER:
Tim Fletcher is not a doctor or licensed therapist. Tim’s videos are for informational purposes only to provide understanding, learning, and awareness about complex trauma. No information published here can replace professional evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.

[basimena]

God bless you Tim Fletcher you’ve been like the father and mother I never had but desperately wanted and needed. Much love to you sir<3

[mspinksarahbug]

I just told my husband I was pretty much convinced Tim has hidden cameras around my house or something! The fact that his Friday night talks almost perfectly mimic my own journey is not lost on me. In Christ, there are no coincidences.

[yumaychang]

Thank you for doing what you do, and for being inclusive by embracing people who believe in different faith and people that aren’t religious.

[tamstams]

Tim Fletcher’s series on Trauma is so painful to watch. Have to stop some videos mid way to cry. Omg

[trishschaum]

All of these videos make much sense to me. I feel like my brain is being rewired as I watch them! Thank you for doing these-you are changing lives and making the world a better place!

[saycog]

I feel I need to retire my worrier. No matter how many successes I have, worrier always jumps into the next problem to worry about and I never seem to celebrate the achievements. Great video, as always.

[GodswarriorEsther]

THANK YOU FOR SHINING GODS LIGHT FOR US! We can and do heal! It’s a daily conscious choice we make!

[jaimiejin]

Mr. Fletcher, you said that the abused usually adopts a version of the abuser, and that's so true of me. I adopted a version of my abuser, in that I am controlling, judgmental and emotionally unstable. As my relationship with my boyfriend progresses, he says that I am a violent person, that I can control it when I am awake, but I can't control it when I am asleep. He was joking, but he was also telling the truth. I know he is telling truth - I have to hurt others to hurt myself and those close to me. I am always living in a state of panic, stress and fear.

[astronaut]

His videos are always comes perfect in time, it's miraculous

[peterbunge]

Listening to Tim and participating in LIFT as well as having a coach is opening my eyes to aspects of my personality that I have not wanted to look at. I am feeling hopeful with the tools and the compassionate support to heal and be able to be more authentic and present in my relationships. Thank you, Tim, and all those who are part of his organization.

[MyHidingPlace]

Hey Tim, hope you understand how many of us you are reparenting with your work. God Bless you!

[virajdance]

*Slides Timestamps for speed-readers: Parenting Child with Complex Trauma*
00:52 for kids who believes lies, using survival tools, not a clean slate; need extra tools
02:23 Archetypes of Inner Child and Adaptations by _Terry Real:_ *Wounded Child* (age 0-5, nonverbal, sensitive, powerless), *Adaptive Child* (problematic protector of wounded child, masks/roles, version of abuser), *Functional adult* (can regulate, choose)
05:32 wounded child resists change; seeks survival; being healthy is weak--must reparent both wounded and adaptive child
07:34 2. a-h) 7 ways of *Reactive Attachment Disorder:* shame, insecurity, anxiety, needy/demanding, attention-seeking, avoidant, hardened, rebel/angry
10:23 2. i-n) destructive, ambivalent, control battles, resists affection, no eye contact (except lying), doesn't ask for help
11:48 2. o-u) no trust, hero, manipulative, ADHD, no impulse control, emotional dysregulation, watches others w/o interaction
14:01 3. a-d) *Internal Family Systems (IFS)* - Richard Schwartz: alternate roles-- *exiles (wounded); protecting are managers, firefighters*
14:57 3. e) *managers* are proactive (prevent pain); *firefighters* are reactive (end pain)--limbic brain
16:36 3. f-g) unhealthy adaptations--*prevents getting healthy; self-defeating system; heal wounded child and learn protective tools*
19:00 A. Exiles: wounded memories and emotions

[stephanieg]

Tim educates himsepf w so many different methods to explain trauma, like exploring Internal Family Systems. So open- minded.

[hhowlerin]

I'm 3 years in and this is exactly what I'm dealing with. I thought I was going nuts lately. I've been dysregulated for weeks. It's definitely this adaptive child.

[drsandhyathumsikumar]

Tim your videos and clear explanations are aways a treasure to find deeply grateful 🙏

[capngrace]

It's so helpful and painful to hear about all these very normal responses to bad situations. It's creating a framework to understand what I missed out on and allowing me to give myself the support I didn't know I needed.

[erikaschaltenbrand]

God bless you and your family for the ways you blessed mine with this knowledge❤

[Thatsbannanas-dc]

The video is so helpful. My take away; my brain needs my care. Don’t let your heart get hard.

[HappyHolyHealthyLife]

As always these videos are so good & helpful ❤️

[itsashyo]

I'm in a narcissistic relationship, and can relate with every single line you said before 13:00 all these things are happening with me. I was not like this before, even tho i Crave intimacy I can't open myself to her, afraid of getting hurt again.