Re-Parenting - Part 2 - Attachment

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The foundation necessary for a child to develop in a healthy way is attachment. What does a child need in order to attach? What are practical tools for developing secure attachment?

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[kowens]

This is so important not just for reparenting ourselves but for parenting my own kids. I so want the break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

[adimeter]

Mom and dad were good people. My mom's growth was stunted in the 1920's when as a child she was sent to an orphanage. Her parents were alive. My dad was the 8th child born in the reconstruction era. So he didn't get a lot of nurturing. But both of them were underdeveloped. There was so much they just did not know. The one important gift my mom gave was the love of reading. She would curl up on her bed with me and read these delightful Hans Christian Anderson tales to me. Once I got old enough to read on my own, I kept on reading my heart out. As a result my quest for knowledge is strong. I study a wide variety of subjects. I guess that's why I am here. I am seeking relief from the empty feeling I grew up with.

[sarahb]

Wow, this strikes so many nerves. It is SUCH a good thing that I never had kids. I would have messed them up so bad.

[kurt]

Thank you. These videos have really helped me understand a lot. I never realized parents were supposed to teach and nuture their kids. Realizing this is a culture shock. I thought I had a normal childhood. My parents were great in the physical. We had plenty of food, clothing, medical. Holidays and birthdays we got tons of presents. We took vacations every year. My dad bought both me and my sister a car at 16. They were cheap but our dad paid for them and fixed them up for us. Our parents went above and beyond what was necessary in the physical but the emotional, nurturing and learning sides were absolutely nonexistent. I had to figure all that on my own. My parents were basically pieces of furniture.

[NUCLEARMAMA]

I'm bawling right now knowing I need to do better for my babies...been working on healing for a while now...struggling 😢

[tinydanceryoutube]

One of the best videos on YouTube. Thank you Tim.

[JCImageInc.]

We're all just trying our best to do our best. Tim sharing his best increase our ability to do our best which is just the best. Thank you Tim and team, I've been searching for years, this is like a revalation to me, thank you so much.

[adimeter]

I did sense anxiety and a lack of self acceptance. But I did not have that vocavulary as a preteen/teen. So my childlike mind just concluded my mother was stupid and that I should be ashamed of her. I avoided hanging out with her at all costs. When she invited me to go to the grocery store with her I flat refused, unless there was an ice cream cone involved. In which case I put up with her. My father never even bothered to invite me anywhere. He just went on his excursions and visits alone..just like a single man. I was torn about that because he was a fun person, but also a bully. I was afraid of him castigating me, yet I wanted him to teach me the things of life I thought he knew.

[adimeter]

Hum.."don't attach to ourself"..that explains why I felt like I was the little doggie in the window. I could not connect to anyone, or to myself. You made this crystal clear. Thank you.

[chilloften]

I have so little time for those that cannot give me undivided attention when it’s time. I can give it to myself at anytime, thank you very much.

[shelteredsparrow]

Great video.
There was a time when my daughter sent me a video of my very young grandchildren getting a brand new puppy. She was really embarrassed because they were fighting over who got to sit by the puppy. I told her that if I could not understand young children fighting over who got to sit by a brand new puppy then I was not a very good grandmother.

[drsandhyathumsikumar]

Much gratitude to you Tim for your generosity and keen perception and wisdom

[lamyaamer]

thank you, you have helped me soooo much with all your videos

[alessandradevitofrancesco]

I realise my parents were such emotionally immature that they were totally unfit to parent anyone. The amount of damage they have done to me is unsurmountable, so sad to see how they have destroyed their own and my life

[iw]

Thank you for this great reminder. God bless you

[kwtkwt]

We want parenting ourselves please tips in daily bases ? to drive balance life //God bless you 💜💜

[benjamintice]

Just hearing about how scheduling time, taking an interest in what you're doing, etc, was eye-opening. I'm terrible at keeping important events for myself and others on a calendar. I rarely plan things for myself or others and I have a hard time remembering what other people have going on. I realized today that these were things my family never did. We almost never had a planned activities. I rarely went to the library or the park, we really spent most of our time inside. My mom and dad rarely took an interest directly in what I was doing. My behaviors and attitudes in relationships reflect these things and now these are the things I struggle with as well.

[jsish]

Brilliant synopsis, a happy by-product of this quarantine

[bebaaskaful]

Dear Tim, I have BPD, and youve opened my eyes to that. I was doing inner work past 3 years and after listening one of youre videos about fear ofa abondonment I found out that I have that diagnosis. And it was hard to see it. I knew that I have this strong fear scince childhood, but in searching for diagnosis, I was always put in anciety or depression title. And it is not the same. And I must say I never conected to my child, and I feel I lot of guilt and shame about it. And trying to do it and never feel or never get conected to him. So the despeare is becoming greater. Because introspection in doing mine inner work is so overocupying and becoming depressed so deep that I camt even do anything amd not carring on my child. I wish that I found out what is trauma and a problem with me in my twenties, and not in the age of 38. But it is not possible. It is like my inner child doesnt excist and from that space I dont even play wth my child. My hooe is that the society will raise to a place where we can understand what it means to be traumatized person and how it becomes a problem in conecting with anyone and our children.

[freeinChrist]

The part about repairing broken connection. Is there a video or someplace Tim talks some more about how to do it?