The Sex Expert: 'Casual Sex Is Almost Always Dangerous For Women!' - Louise Perry

Louise Perry is a British journalist and host of the ‘Maiden Mother Matriarch’ podcast. She is also press officer for the charity, ‘We Can’t Consent To This’ and author of the book, ‘The Case Against The Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century’.

0:00 Intro
02:21 What are you trying to achieve??
04:24 What does society disagree with you on?
05:00 The trade-offs of the contraceptive pill
06:09 How has sexual culture changed?
07:38 Working in a rape crisis centre
10:28 How to channel men's aggression in the right direction
12:38 The physical differences between men and women
14:07 How men and women differ in their view on sexuality
15:37 Why men are more likely to have casual sex
18:38 How does a culture of casual sex impact women
24:10 Repercussions of casual sex in society
29:33 The lack of communication and education is hurting both genders
31:57 Why women have icks towards men
34:09 Women should listen to their icks
38:49 Women's 6th sense
41:41 There are some jobs women shouldn't do due to biology
47:23 Heroic masculinity
49:01 Social media affecting our view on relationships & dating
51:33 Wait until engagement to have sex
56:50 The dating crisis
01:01:20 Why you should have sex before marriage
01:04:08 Why is marriage good
01:08:12 How likely you're to get divorced
01:11:41 Step-parents vs biological parents
01:15:26 Why are you saying these unpopular opinions
01:20:29 The decline in birth rates
01:25:55 What porn is doing to your brain
01:30:55 Is reproduction at the heart of male motivation?
01:31:42 Unwanted choking during sex
01:34:03 Should we ban porn?
01:41:15 What are we attracted to?
01:45:29 Better looking people bias
01:48:44 The last guest's question

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[TheDiaryOfACEO]

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[KasunGamage]

Deciding NOT to have sex with just anyone means having discipline, self-control, also and sexul empowerment..

[elladavies]

It is bizarre to me that these are considered 'unpopular opinions.' As a woman I completely relate to everything Louise said.

[sabinevanderzwan]

She is so right, trust your instinct. I remember, as a 16-year-old girl, we were at our local festive week and on our way home to be offered a lift from a friend of a friend, and I was ushered into his car it was alright; he would drive me home, as we were driving, he said that he just had to get something from his home, he drove to the camp where he lived but then carried on driving into a field he got out of his car and went to the boot of his car. It was dark, close to midnight, and I felt a woosh of fear while sitting in the passenger seat. I just opened the door and ran towards the road took a giant leap over the ditch with water that was bordering the road. I don't know if he was going to do something, but it felt so wrong and strange for him to drive into a field and then go to the boot of his car that I wasn't going to ask and just had a flight response.

[wanderingromance]

Casual sex just never made sense to me, always seemed like disassociation was essential to making it feel “casual” “comfortable” and “normal”. It just doesn’t add up. Most humans would never share a toothbrush with another human, but having sexual encounters (swapping body fluids sexually, letting someone inside you/ being inside of someone - which literally is the closest you can ever get in all senses, and simply being intimate) is considered less icky/bizarre than that? It just proves that we are conditioned to be casual about our bodies/ minds/ souls in this specific way as a social thing. It’s so backwards. Someone can have sex with you and not actually care about your well-being in the slightest… I’d much prefer to be cared for primarily and know someone intimately (in the non sexual way), then later have sex with that person. It just makes so much more sense, and yet you’re likely to be made to feel like a fool for wanting the latter and not the former😅 This is why I’m a huge fan of not explaining self. Just saying no when someone makes sexual advancements is more than sufficient and that is a culture that should go viral.

[gealove]

I remember all the sexual encounters I had when I was a teenager, I never initiated it nor wanted to do it. It was always the guy initiating and I went with it because I just thought it was the cool thing to do or I wanted to “please” the guy I liked and all my friends were doing it. I don’t remember a time where I really wanted to do it or not felt pressured.
Casual sex left me with a lot of trauma, I’m in my 30’s now and I wish I was more educated on the subject back then so I wouldn’t have gone through that. I’m happy that you are speaking on this topic cause is SUPER important, parents should teach you these things but sometimes they fail, thanks.

[scottparish]

'Unpopular' ? Seriously ? What this woman speaks is common sense & of no surprise to anyone able to think critically

[TharsisianRegion]

The most heartbreaking thing about this talk is hear about young women who don’t really want sex, go along with it because it’s now the social norm. I hope they get the message, it’s not worth doing something you don’t really want to do just because it’s normal now. Having sex never a way to get commitment from a man. It costs a woman the most and is least effective.

[flugjung]

She is full of common sense. I’m a divorced man in my late 40s, physically fit and good looking. Naturally finding someone to sleep around was not hard but after trying it with a few partners I have strongly decided against it. Sex is not just only an isolated activity but something deeply emotional and spiritual that I just don’t want to share with someone I met in a bar. One of my ex partners was really gorgeous but despite that I felt empty. I have been oversexed to the extreme by movies, music, social media and so on.
I have decided to focus on raising my children, make myself better and along the way I’m going to meet someone who wants something more than casual sex. And I don’t really care if it never happens .

[queenj.i]

Sex is never casual even when ppl try to treat it that way. Too many males and females just don’t understand what they’re really engaging in and opening themselves up to. We need a lot more teaching and talks like this. 🙏🏽⚡️🔥❤️‍🔥

[menow.]

Every teenage girl needs to hear this woman.

[AnnMitt]

Exercise daily, eat healthy, and keep busy doing meaningful tasks. Forget about soulless sex with strangers. That's just disgusting.

[LifeAfterLosing]

I don’t think this should ever be controversial to discuss. It’s how my brother and I were raised as well. Neither of us slept around and it’s because these topics were discussed openly when we were young. It’s not just unhealthy for women, it’s unhealthy for anyone and it shows in society more and more.

[JesiErin]

I love that she gave it a name: “empathy gap.” Closing the empathy gap between men and women in both directions is a good first step. Being married for 10 years and raising a son has helped me with that, but growing up with only sisters made me pretty oblivious to the male psyche in my early years.

[scoop]

I’m so glad someone is finally telling the truth and doesn’t care what society thinks. The fact that it is “unpopular” or “controversial” for a woman to prioritize her mental and emotional health and not give herself away to any guy speaks volumes about how much society has “progressed.” If only more women would come together and be heard because casual sex doesn’t serve us. Casual sex may feel good in the moment but it almost always leaves women feeling empty, used, and unfulfilled. We need to speak up and change the culture.

[NAVEENKUMAR-puyd]

As a father to several daughters i fear for the future and consistently work to educate them on trusting your instincts. Excellent episode

[cygnusrays]

This is one of the most important talks I've ever listened to!
It took me til my early 50's to realise this, wish I'd had that much needed guidance in my teens and 20's. The brainwashing of 60's-70's pop culture and peer pressure led to leading a lifestyle that was destroying me.
Please Louise, write that book for the youth, they so desperately need to hear this. 
Hopefully the pendulum will swing and young people will come to know the comfort, security, fulfilment and elevation of true intimacy and loyalty.

[jowiens]

My husband and I waited till we were married to have sex, and have been married 34 years. I don’t regret not having sex with multiple partners before I was married.

[lynclarke]

Steven is the best interviewer because he really listens to his guests without pedantic comments or obvious judgement. Love his podcasts.

[itsshierlz]

I grew up in an Asian country where sex before marriage was very much a taboo and pregnancy out of wedlock was a scandal. I moved to a Western country in my teen years and the culture was so different, I went from feeling the “pressure” to stay a virgin before marriage to the opposite way around where I was feeling almost ashamed of being a virgin in my 20s.

Truth be told I agree with Louise Perry completely.. I’ve never enjoyed casual sex. Not the type who could have one without feeling attached or bonded, so I’d never do it. As I got older I’m now actually proud to have what they would call an “extremely low body count” these days. I think a healthy middle ground is to only have sex with someone when you’re in a committed relationship.

The problem is these days in most western countries a lot of men wouldn’t wait because if you wouldn’t “put out” they’d just go find someone else who would. The key is to have every woman everywhere to stop engaging in casual sex, and you’d see men willing to commit again.