Does my ANGER make me as bad as the narcissist?

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[NarcSurvivor]

Narcissists will do anything to get a reaction out of you. When they make you angry, they calm down. Because then they can point the finger at you and blame you. They disown parts of themselves that they don’t like and then assign them to you. They deflect their anger and shame on to you.

[youngblood]

I'm not responsible for what my face does when the narcissist talks.

[bronwyntanner]

I was the reactive abuser. I screamed and shouted and ranted and raged and swore violently

He behaved like the victim/martyr after baiting me and pushing me to the edge of insanity

Free for seven years. Not one angry day

[carparthero]

anger is a healthy reaction to an unhealthy situation. use the anger as a tool to tell you when it's time to leave and after you've left you may still feel angry, but it is a necessary step in healing. if you try to suppress the anger out of guilt or shame you won't completely heal. use the frustration after the exit, as a commitment to making sure the narcissist experience doesn't happen again in your life.

i'm not going to let a troubled, emotional vampire determine what i'm going to be, or ruin my future happiness.

cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[psalm.]

You have just explained the carousel of emotions I've experienced for 12 years. Stuffing emotions down, getting to the point of anger due to baiting/gaslighting/slander/etc, leading to boiling over &expressing that anger inappropriately😭, then repeated apologies and deep intense guilt over My handling of things. And ultimately, repeatedly, constantly worried that I am the Narcissist.
Someone finally understands.

[sbella]

Didn't know what a covert narcissist was but was with him for 25+ years. We were engaged and lived together off and on. In the beginning I use to express my anger.

When I started pressing him about marriage he would deliberately do things to anger me, then blame me and say "I'm not getting married, with all this arguing going on" that's when the walking on eggshells started for me. He had actually conditioned me to suppress my anger and remain passive.

His behavior got worse and I was silenced. I went no contact 2 months ago. I now find myself vascillating between anger and crying for what I endured. I pray to God that I'll be able to heal completely from that relationship.

[matthewwozniak]

I don't want to be around people that belittle or yell at me. I definitely don't want to be that way to other people.

[jessicaselenecenteno]

Being chronically betrayed in a relationship is not healthy. In addition, with other elements, variables and factors that contribute to the imbalance of power and toxicity. It’s better to be alone than with a bad companion.

[bryguygolf]

My X(diagnosed borderline) would constantly accuse me of yelling or being abusive any time i challenge their behavior. If i went way out of my to use to a calm voice and repress my anger I was being "condescending"

[ginkgo]

This video describes my experience perfectly. He figured me out before I did. He knew it made me frustrated that he could trigger me into anger and then say, “see you are always angry.” He is the king of passive aggressive anger. Nobody gets this except people who educate themselves about narcissistic abuse. And there are therapists too who refuse to consider that someone’s anger is because they are being abused. Because they are the victim. Not the perpetrator.

[oliviaramos]

I think my anger/rage/apology cycle came from grief… so sad to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother. I have now accepted she is not well and aging, and staying away is my best cure.
I’ll choose anger and sanity over submission and gaslighting any day.
Toxic relationships of any kind will take a huge toll. Thanks, Dr. Ramani.

[dk]

Oh yes, feeling angry all the time. Caused by resentment, betrayal, injustice and feeling trapped in my situation. My anger was then used against me as yet one more thing that I was blamed for. I was the problem, ALWAYS! I needed to change and learn to be more like him (his words)!

[naturetalks]

None of the things that makes you angry will ever get resolved because no proper communications will takes place. So understand and take care of your own health.

[lrose]

After walking on egg-shells and never feeling I could safely express myself for 60 years, my anger finally exploded. My sister was as calm as could be (I could almost feel her smiling through the phone). She was actually enjoying it. I knew I would never speak to her again and I haven't, but she hasn't hesitated in letting me know (via email) how many people she has communicated with that are so surprised at how I tricked them into thinking I was a good person (including my mother who has dementia). I was always considered the good and helpful child who never caused any problems, so the shame afterwards at my own anger was very real. Thank you Doctor Ramani for helping me to let this go.

[SusanDonoho]

Anger that is not a bad emotional hygiene issue, comes from needs not being met. So look at that issue… and get your needs met (ethically, morally, and responsibly, with new people if needed)

[IzabelaWaniek-ix]

We need our anger and it is a very transformative emotion if we learn how to use it and process it assertively and constructively, unfortunately when you are constantly exposed to dealing with narcisists your emotional health is at risk, it’s often too much to bear which is why we should try to limit our contact with those toxic people to the minimum or go completely no contact if possible.

[pablopiccasso]

I have just experienced this anger. I was feeling so ashamed of the emotional dysregulation that happened within me. It exhausted me.
I have drawn and redrawn boundaries over the years with my narcissistic grandmother and mother. I have been no contact for one year. Now, they are reaching me by injecting themselves in unhealthy ways into my daughters life, whom i still am raising. Its so hard to get rid of these vampires.

[michele]

THANK YOU for normalizing "healthy anger expression". I was raised by a parent who frowned upon "emoting" and forbade the expression of anger all the while she had fits of rage on a near daily basis.
As an adult I use my words to express my anger and whenever my voice gets a little bit higher and louder I automatically feel shame for verbalizing my anger.

[sparkygump]

When you finally have had enough and blow your top, narcs automatically flip to victim mode. "Why are you so mean?!" smh

[oceanwoods]

It’s an endless cycle of personal hell