What To Do With Stored Up Anger Toward A Narcissist

Even as you pull away from a narcissist, the emotional damage can linger. Dr. Les Carter describes how you can have stored up anger for an extended time, but as you understand why it is there and how to manage it, you can keep it from consuming you.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[tbunnyshy]

Sometimes it’s stored up for so long that it no longer feels like anger. There’s despondency. Your feelings are held hostage inside and you “zone out” to “survive”.

[czeketa]

"Your anger is the part of you that knows that your abuse and mistreatment are unacceptable. Your anger knows that you deserve to be treated well and with kindness. Your anger is a part of you that loves you." - Lindsay Gallant

[indyd]

"Your best characteristics are used against you." Absolutely! This is so true. Your compassion, agreeableness, forgiveness and loyalty are used against you.

[ultralyrics]

The caliber of anger I carry sometimes makes me feel like I'm going to die. I'm currently planning my escape after 5 years of abuse. I'm a shell of my former self. Good luck to all

[flightydancer]

All my love and good intention were sabotaged, my self worth drained, my feelings dismissed, my thoughts invalidated and my soul tortured...no wonder I am angry. I was taken as a fool, manipulated and humiliated. I realize I want to chose true light instead of darkness disguised as light. I am grateful Dr. C is here giving us the wisdom to decide what is healthy and good.

[cinderella]

It's truly astonishing how many people are dealing with this soul sucking situation. Blows my mind. When we hear of "domestic violence" being spoken of, physical abuse is often referenced, but the psychological torment so many humans are having to deal with is truly a shocking situation that is discussed often I know - but almost seems like not enough cuz it truly is living in an absolute nightmare with a conniving soul sucking terrorist, for lack of a better term ...

[RatedArggg]

I think what makes me angriest about the narcs in my life is that they never SAW me. I've known some of them for my entire life, but they acted like they didn't know me, never met me, never asked me what I was thinking, but yet they "knew everything" about me.

[sandytoes]

Managing long-term anger:
* embrace it (up to a point) - it's ok and keeps you safe
* try not to let an identity of the wronged one become dominant or define you (you're a survivor not a victim)
* radical acceptance - it happened
* stay away from all or nothing thinking - your life is not ruined
* avoid winner/loser thoughts - you're neither, don't play their game
* give up hope of ever changing the narcissist
* turn the anger into an opportunity to deepen your empathy
* I  have higher priorities - I'm not going to let a troubled soul determine who I'm going to be. It's my future.

[silviac]

"I'm not about to let a troubled soul determine what I'm going to be." That's what I needed to hear. Thanks for saying it!

[Hatbox]

My narcissist seems to be the one with stored up anger. He also always has to win. I've never been so sick of anyone in my life.

[heidilovesliberty]

Narcissists love the idea that you still hold on to anger, that they still occupy your thoughts. Negative reinforcement is still reinforcement. Letting go, deciding instead to spend your time being happy & pursing truth, honesty & positive energy is the best revenge.

[ThePancakeJedi]

Oh yes! Many times I heard: 'You have to be more assertive'. I even followed a professional 6 day training that cost me around 2000 dollars. Omg. But it didn't help much. As it turned out, my assertiveness wasn't really the problem. It was the fact that being assertive doesn't work with a narcissist at all. It just triggers them to go fully into crazy mode.

[domif.b.]

I think that the crucial point causing so much anger in us is the fact, that we trusted that partner, friend, parent, sibling, and were therefore vulnerable. That hurts and it is humiliating because we feel our deepest essence being exposed and trampled on. Ty for the video

[LBright]

Don’t let yourself get sick and emotionally off balanced over ppl who are never going to change

[margarettrusty]

Anger is a healthy reaction to an unhealthy situation. Use the anger as a tool to tell you when it's time to leave and after you've left you will still still angry, but it is a necessary step in healing. If you try to suppress the anger out of guilt or shame you will never completely completely heal

[jorgeluiscapiello]

The more I learn, the more anger I get. It's just impossible not to feel it.

[dianalynn]

Can’t forget how much anger stems from the narc’s ability to escape all accountability for his/her actions and continue to cause their victim to carry the burden. They’ll take everything you have, even your kids and there is no justice in this world.

[rrtvox]

“I am not about to let a troubled soul determine who I am going to be and what my future is going to be.” 💯🙏

[mintberrycrunch]

I'm the winner if I stay no contact, because I win back my self respect and win back my life from his toxicity. He's the loser because he lost me, somebody who was devoted to his happiness and wellbeing: this is a valid distinction worth making, for all of us.

[wandah]

Stored up, bottled up anger shut down my digestive system. I couldn't eat anything, couldn't digest it. Depressed my immune system, every time I got stressed, I'd get a cold.
Only forums like this, and cognitive therapy, and channels like this one and now, "wizard of words", taught me to not care anymore. Years of work.
I knew I was getting somewhere when my stomach wasn't hurting anymore.
What it really boiled down to, is the conscious act of:
NOT GIVING A DAMN!😂
Yeah!
That simple!