5 Ways to Diffuse Your anger

To better understand how to stop before you lose control, let’s look at the cycle of anger. First you have a triggering event. This would be something like feeling disrespected or used or having someone cut you off in traffic. This is followed by negative thoughts. These are automatic thoughts that pop into your mind right after the triggering event. Then you have an emotional response to your thought, even if your thought isn’t rational. The next step in the cycle is is physical symptoms. Like a racing heart, or sweaty palms or even tense muscles and jaw clenching. Then you have the behavioral response of yelling, cursing and arguing or maybe even crying.

So with this cycle, you have things going on in your head that lead to behaviors. There’s different places in this cycle you can change to address anger. This video is focused on the behavioral response.

Technique 1 - Practice taking 3 deep breaths before you respond. This gives you the chance to resist lashing out automatically.

Technique 2 - Develop canned responses to controversial topics.

Technique 3 - Develop statements that de-escalate the situation before you get too angry.

Technique 4 - Stop and observe your anger. Examine it as if you’re another person in the room looking at you.

Technique 5 - Use diversions.

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Disclaimer: All of the information on this channel is for educational purposes and not intended to be specific/personal medical advice from me to you. Watching the videos or getting answers to comments/question, does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you have your own doctor, perhaps these videos can help prepare you for your discussion with your doctor.

[youngconfidence]

I'm so tired of feeling angry and stressed out all the time. I lose myself in emotion and then feel crazy in hindsight. I hate being this way. Its exhausting

[TheMcKenzieHaus]

For those who feel that their anger happens too fast, these are skills you have to practice when you aren’t angry or when alone. The more you practice, the easier it will become.

[anthonydavis]

Found you by mistake. Best mistake I've made in horrible year of 2020. You're good.

[Slingersbullseye]

Yeah Doc it's a vicious cycle.
I was programmed by my father at an early age that anger is a way to release hatred or get a point across but really didn't see how the negative energy could drain you mentally and physically exhaust you, currently am "rewiring" my brain. I'm tired mentally and physically, I'm trying to make the right changes it's not easy.

[vettejakes]

Thanks for this informative video... I need to use “I don’t discuss politics without a glass of wine. ...” 😂😂😂

[Esflyaway]

As a LCSW, I greatly appreciate your videos. I consistently and successfully utilize your videos with clients. Thank you so much, Tracey!

[vickyviola]

Sometimes it harder to disengage because it happens so quickly. My job has been very stressful lately and I tend to get mad so I find walking away and deep breathing really helps. Thank you for the very informative video!

[janets]

Thank you for this video, Dr. Marks. My son is in law enforcement and he uses the "broken record" response you mention @3:48 . He finds it's very good for de-escalating a situation. Someone is DYING to provoke him, but he uses a neutral voice and repeats the same response. They get tired of it pretty quickly and calm down.

[hellokitty]

My anger hits me like a tsunami and I’m drowned by it and the only way I was able to free myself in the past was to lash out with the same amount of force as the wave but today I learn that the tsunami wave can go away with mindful awareness and breathing . More and more the negative thoughts are replaced to positive thoughts and I’m able to breath again and walk away when I’m angry . My parents beat me every day with anything they can get their hands on but emotionally the negative things that were said to me hurt me the most . I had such low self esteem about myself that I hated who I was and still can’t make decisions as a 40 year old adult but today I take my life back !!!

[rnupnorthbrrrsm]

I’m convinced some people love to be angry, they thrive on the attention their outbursts gets them, they feel powerful and in control of others and seem to get some sort of high from their elevated anger, possibly even wanting to use their anger to provoke an angry reaction in others ……I love it when I can control my response to a blank stare, slow deliberate blink and turn to walk away. For me. it’s like pouring water on a fire, to them it’s like fuel on a fire !
What a different world we would live in if everyone wanted to take responsibility and strive to be better !!!!
Thank you Dr.Marks, I love your videos !!!

[dianeblack]

As the daughter of a narcissist who constantly hurts me and refuses to acknowledge the damage they've done, I feel unheard and invalidated. Why do I have to be the wiser one? And simply swallow that... These techniques don't let us protect ourselves after many years of repressed anger.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive my family if I just have to understand them and let it go...

[liveLifeHappyFull]

I have been struggling with a lot of anger where I am every single day. I am so glad I found you. You are amazing! I am going to practice this every single day. There was time I knew I was going to get angry, read some blogs before having a conversation with the person I was angry with and even after that I still lashed out at that person. I am going to really practice the shutting down technique and diversion technique. I have seriously damaged my relationship with a lot of people and I really need to mend it. Thank you so much for your content.

[michellecnebrown]

I have high blood pressure and severe social anxiety. This is Perfect timing. I had a very intense reaction to some questionable rhetoric and buzz words a co worker was using that were bordering on racism and religion. I tried to continue working, I got so heated I did yell Stop Talking about this, and before I said anymore I walked, Did a countdown, and came back silent. It was the first time people saw me angry. I am a very nice person, but I do Not tolerate hate speech. I admit I could have e handled it better. I was def caught off guard.This will help. I am making the list of responses. Thank you my dear.

[wendypoginy]

So, this has helped me realize alot about my anger especially because there are unresolved and irreconcilable issues in my life which I must address immediately.

[rencosbjd]

Today a old man groped my butt while I was waiting in line for coffee, I am very very angry so I am looking for help... this video helps thank you Tracey

[henriquemdo]

I wish this video was uploaded a few days earlier ... Just had a major anger outburst yesterday ... Almost got into a fist fight with my brother

[ericacamp]

This was one of the most useful videos of seen. One that I will implement in my everyday life. Thank you for all the hard work you do. My physical symptoms can also be dizziness and an immediate onset headache.

[exoticfoxholebrianna]

Very helpful! I realized a few weeks ago that I have some anger management issues when my son asked me why I get so mad when we’re stuck in traffic… I realized my heart would literally be racing in these instances and I wouldn’t be talking like myself. And you’re right even just taking five seconds and thinking about what I say before I say it has lessened my reactions to those kind of feelings. You’re the best and your videos are so so important ♥️♥️

[TLDAVIS]

Thank you Dr. Marks that was very helpful. Imagine after all I have been through in my life, no one has ever explained this to me the way you just did. You are truly a blessing.

[rachellemiller]

Me and my mom got in a fight and I acted in anger by saying a lot that I didn't mean. I have autism and adhd so I feel it difficult to control my anger when it happens so fast. I'm not saying that it's a good excuse for me acting in anger but it seems harder to keep it under control. though i never put hands on anybody ive still found myself punching the walls and slamming doors. Its difficult for me as well as the people involved. I generally feel upset with myself after the fact. Your advice was helpful as I cant afford therapy OR anger management ... You broke it down in a simple way to understand for me other videos I have found not as helpful because they are talking too fast for me to process everything I plan on trying these tequniques and practicing them as I come from a conservative family your advice on ending a political debate before it gets too much to handle or before it even starts will hopefully come in handy as well