Things people in EMS say (part 3)

[HikaruKatayamma]

2 weeks ago I had a low blood pressure event. The EMT literally said, "I know you're alive because you're breathing and talking, but I'll be damned if I can find your pulse." My reply was, "That's why I called you."

[ZotharReborn]

The number of nursing home employees that I have had to explain the concept of kidnapping to is too damn high.

[kristenkaz]

My mom was an RN for 30 years. Had a guy in the ER one night explain to her that he accidentally sat on a carrot while gardening & that’s HOW it ended up THERE. My mom looked at him & said, “So in your garden, the carrots grow above ground, upside down?” Dead silence. Crickets.

[brettharrison]

Don’t forget the oldy-but-goody: Don’t worry, we only drop people on (insert current day of the week). Never fails

[QueenSunstar]

As a paramedic, we really do this.

I responded to a bus crash, and the first words out of my mouth after getting onboard was, “If you’re dead, raise your hand.”

That earned me some giggles from the passengers needing our aid.

We joke in situations like that because it helps the patients and us cope better.

[abbieamavi]

I lost it at the very beginning “tell em what REALLY happened” 😂😂

[Jon]

You forgot "We haven't dropped anybody all day..."

[emilyk]

“That’s called kidnapping..” me when all 11 family members are trying to convince me to take 90 year old grandma on hospice to the ER for low oxygen levels.. well no shit she has lung cancer

[Pyrinsomniac]

"Yes ma'am, it's 90 degrees outside and 100 in the back of this truck but I will absolutely turn off the AC because those 50 blankets aren't keeping you warm enough"

[Libelnon]

While asking patients who've come in from local prisons (always with an escort of two prison guards) about pain scores, I've often prefaced it with "And I don't mean these two". Never failed to get a laugh out of that one.

[blake]

“Enough epinephrine can make a even potato have a rhythm”

[jshuey]

When you clear up from a refusal and you're driving back to the station and you're wondering why people are pulling over and you realize you left the lights on.

[NiliMoto]

Its amazing how this is international. Worked in german ems and its exactly the same jokes, puns and phrases, just translated.

[DeputatKaktus]

„Can you let him answer please....“
Oh my god, that one is so true.
BTW, this is not just parents speaking for their kids, but very often it‘s someone speaking for an elderly parent or elderly wives speaking for their husbands.

[GhostBear]

1st one is usually during a "foreign object in rectum" call. And unless there is video evidence we will not believe you "just fell" on it like that.

[timnone]

too close to home on that milkshake one, literally just went for milkshakes at midnight last week after a run

[davidrobb]

When we are lifting a patient over to the hospital bed from the gurney, we say "Arms across the chest and think light".

[GymLabRat]

As someone who works in EMS “ is the break on?” Has me dying

[andrewbroman]

I'd like to see a whole sketch of "tell me what really happened".

[rgibson]

Once had an EMT say they can't kidnap me, and then reassess and say he was indeed going to kidnap me, and I...did not realize he was serious that it's considered kidnapping.

It was a very expensive way to learn that if I run in cold weather, my bronchial tubes seize up. Still, he made the right call.