Tips on toxic relationship recovery #trauma #cptsd #toxicrelationships #narcissist #narcissism

[jenanimazed]

“Potential is not your current reality”
Thank you. That really hits home for me.

[TerraFermentata]

That was me this morning when I wrote a long email to my covert narcissistic emotionally abusive mother this morning. Basically, I finally found the courage to confront her about how terribly she failed me as a parent and how her attitude toward has been nothing but toxic. I am 100% over her gaslighting and empty promises. She is out of my life and I have never felt more at peace.

[lor]

This is the most simple and best advice I feel that I’ve ever gotten

[solala]

if they wanted, they would. I waited years and there was no progress, just promises. at some point it's just hopeless for them to change.

[ravensrealm]

This really is helping me calm down worrying about school
I just switched to a different school, and I used to be so bullied at my old one, it was horrible, painful, I hated it
But in this new school no one cares, no one is like that, but im still terrified
I know you mean let go of the potential you mean is let go of how good they could be
But for me, this is let go of how bad it could be
And look at the good thats happening now
Thank you

[thetorontogirl]

I think potential was what kept me clinging to my ex. I stayed in the relationship for almost 5 years which shouldn't have lasted more than a year or two but I hoped that the potential I saw in him would somehow override his shortcomings at that moment.

I realized after the four year mark that nothing has changed and nothing was gonna change. After my 25th bday, where he made me feel like the smallest person ever, I decided to just concentrate on myself more to see what his response would be. He ended up asking for space. The timeline was indefinite so I panicked, initally. It took him about two weeks to reach out to me to which I didn't care to entertain anymore. I broke up with him that same week. Best decision ever but the things he's said to me all those years ago throughout our relationship still haunt me, even if it's been over 5 years since we haven't seen each other.

[mrsslibby]

Another important piece of this for me was allowing myself to grieve that potential I was letting go of. I had known for a while that the relationship I wanted with my mother wasn't going to happen. But I hadn't let myself grieve it because it felt silly. My mother is still alive. But I still had to mourn the loss of that dream.

[keric]

Sooo true! My mom was very much in a “maybe he will change” mindset with my dad and it was fucking toxic for all three of us. All my high school friends’ parents had toxic relationships & then I got to FUs and some of my friends there had toxic relationships with their with their parents (and parents with each other) but in completely different, but more “under the radar” sort of ways

[SwampRobin]

This is not something my therapist outright said to me, but I learned it over the years of working through my shit with her and it honestly saved me so much mental anguish. The parent I have issues with is never going to become the ideal potential I see in my head. It’s a fantasy.

It’s also the realization that made me STAY in my marriage. I’d been so traumatized I looked for red flags in everything, then I realized things were actually really constructive and positive with my partner. The potential he and I had was real and we figured out we were both just traumatized kids inside. The healing has been awesome for both of us in this realization.

Thank you for posting these! I relate to just about every video I’ve seen from you

[jmackey]

Yes! As a friend told me after I'd gotten out, 'you're not missing what you had, you're missing what you wanted it to be. You're grieving what never was.'

[tommyegirl]

Uhg... i needed this advice 10 years ago lol realizing my mom isn't who she could potentially be, but she is who she is really did help me to move on. This is great advice but its hard to let go of that dream.

[lovely]

I’ve been seeing a trauma therapist for a year and her saying this exact thing helped me get past the hurt from my 13 year relationship with my husband. The patterns of cheating absolutely awful cruelty and abuse came up so much. We’re separated now and getting divorced. I didn’t want this to be the reality but facing it has finally given me peace.

[peachesandpoets]

Right now he is still trying to hurt me after leaving me. Right now he is reminding me why I left. I can not imagine what it could be. I am basing that on love bombing and my own scarcity mindset. I will keep telling myself that potential is my imagination. Thank you.

[scottmcmillan]

That right there is why I'm struggling so bad to let go and move on. When I get on the struggle bus and take a ride, I will watch this video over and over again. Thank you!!!!

[heartofearthcrystals]

This hits deeper than anything I’ve ever heard! I wish someone would have told me this about 20 years ago! I’m now a year free and living my best life, but suffered years of narcissistic, verbal, mental and emotional abuse to get to this point and now I’m afraid I’ll be healing from the trauma for the rest of my entire life! 😮🤦🏻‍♀️

[denisefallin]

YES!!! That's the piece that always eluded me. Thank you for stating it!!!

[AllTheGoodHandlesAreInHand]

I wish I could have found you when I was in my toxic abusive relationship in 2014. It was extremely traumatizing. I have moved on in many ways, but I am still affected to this day. I'm so grateful you are helping people. You are an angel.

[AdelleOverton]

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. ❤

[vangothengirl]

I don't see my parents ever changing for the better. I think my relationships that I have now are way more important, especially because they love me for me and it's a healthy, reciprocating love 💕

[MiaraAvalin]

God this hurts but is what I needed to hear. Thank you.