Keep Confusing Red Flags With Excitement?! WATCH THIS

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Do you feel like your brain is wired wrong because despite your better judgment, you’re only attracted to the bad boys or the players?

You know . . . you love the idea of a great, stable guy who treats you right, but somehow you’ve become so accustomed to the highs and lows of roller-coaster relationships that you can’t imagine feeling chemistry with such a man.

At this point, you may be asking yourself if it’s possible to feel a spark with someone who isn’t always playing games with you . . .

In this week’s video, I’ll give you 3 ways to create real attraction with the right kind of guy . . . because glorifying unavailable people is a recipe for heartbreak, so instead, we can start learning to enjoy healthy attention and find a loving partner.

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▼ Chapters ▼

0:00 – 0:46 — A Special Invitation
0:46 – 2:06 — Bad Boys vs. Safe Guys
2:06 — 3:59 — The Danger of Mystery
3:59 – 5:52 — The Lure of Scarcity
5:52 – 7:42 — Valuing the Right Things
7:42 – 9:28 — #1 Staying Curious
9:28 – 11:00 — #2 Giving People Roadmaps
11:00 – 13:41 — #3 Give Them Room to Be Dangerous
13:41 – 15:22 — Establishing Healthy Patterns

[sadiaali]

Indeed. Never trust a person that has let you down more than 2 times. Once was a warning, twice was a lesson and anything more than that is simply taking advantage.

[victoriasage]

Don’t punish people who make you feel safe by being bored with them… That was awesome

[marcelaburgos]

Best video ever! In my 20s I dated this "perfect guy" : charismatic, gym rat, smart, engineer with a good job, singer and musician in his free time, motorcycle rider; simply "perfect"- so exciting. To make it short: left me the biggest trauma of my life. A few years later I was lucky enough to meet a GOOD MAN that makes me realise that If a person doesnt give me peace, then it is not good. As simple as that

[pixiechiquita]

This is spot on. After 10 years of being married to a "safe" person, I was given attention by a "bad boy" who looked like an angelic rock star. I ruined everything and ended up alone.

[liz_lemon]

A couple of years ago, I shared a flat with a woman who was a couple of years older than me. We talked about what we find hot in a man. I listed things all sorts of superficial things (and some not so superficial things 😉) and she said "roomie, you know what is the ultimate turn on for me?". And then she looked me deep in the eyes and said "stability". That was about 6/7 years ago. I now get her 😍.

[Ohspens]

Matt, have you noticed that this trick is also strengthened and pushed onto us by many romantic comedies? The love stories are always so full of toxic ups and downs and player-type guys who suddenly and magically "change" for the one girl... while this is not real life I think it sticks with us!

[taniamiller]

This is the first time anyone explained the addiction to the rollercoaster ride of a bad boy.
Addicted to their absence hits me. I crave him more when he's gone and not talking. I think we as women have always been taught that the bad boys are where the fun is, especially when you are a wild, rebel style woman. Regular men are boring. I've lost 2 really great guys because of this. I look back now and see how dumb I was, but they were outright boring and normal.
This is a powerful video. Wow.

[TheGoddessEnlighten]

When you begin a journey of self reflection and becoming a better version you are no longer attracted to red flags or people with red flags. They’re actually turn offs.

[jadegreen]

This is a more powerful video than you can ever realize. It shows how wrong we can be in looking for a relationship, and what right, really needs to look like…

[emmaa]

Every woman wants a partner who will look at her like she's the most significant person in their life!

[btdtpro]

I heard about a study once, where they asked couples who'd been together for several years, to list the recent time they found themselves really wanting their partner.
They found a common trait in these monuments of desire was that one partner would be observing the other in a separated sense, not in direct interaction, i.e. watching their partner playing with or teaching the kids something, or watching their partner work on a project or create something, etc. Part of their conclusion about human behavior is that it's hard for us to notice feeling desire for what we have, because having it satisfies that desire.

If we want a person, but they're not wanting to commit to us, then the desire can grow really strong and we can feel like, "why do the noncommittal guys drive me crazy with interest, but the guys who want me quickly, seem less desirable.
If a person wants you before you're sure if you want them, then instead of desire building or being fulfilled, instead before desire even fully starts, you're already shifted into the mode of, "let's slow this down", "I'm not really sure about this". Their desire for you not only limits the chance for your desire to grow, because you knew you had it before you could even long for it, but it now also brings a sense of pressure, and demand for you to be in charge and make the choice.
Thus a clear communicator with who prioritizes good traits and sees them in you, is less attractive, in that they build less desire, than the guy who doesn't recognize your value as fast, or just isn't really into commitment.

[incassable]

Ladies: men are NOT bored when they are feeling SAFE with someone
this is what we are looking for …

[lizzysalway]

This is my favourite video that you’ve ever made. I am going through the process of learning to value consistency, intention and something real. This video reminds me I’m on the right path and therefore gives me hope for the future. Thanks for this ❤🙏🥳

[stewartxp]

I'm a guy, "Can you make that which you do not find exciting, exciting?" love that line and I wish it would happen more. But so many experiences I've had with girls where I'm left feeling like I shouldn't have been reliable, shouldn't have been compassionate or caring, etc. This is the illness that the online dating/app culture seems to propagate. I've all but given up, and if anyone is wondering I am a physically attractive person, in peak physical shape and quite an accomplished individual, in that my career is stable, I have my own interests, skills, talents to occupy me. I feel like I'm on eggshells all the time with women, one wrong word or move and it's on to the next guy then the cycle repeats. The dating world seems to be merely a form of entertainment and validation for most ppl nowadays. Thanks for what you do I hope it helps shift us all in a better direction

[randolphvalpalma]

As the saying goes.... You accept the love you think you deserve. 😓

[anakovalova]

Damn I love this man hahah. This thing are actually life changing, never heard any other therapist talking about them in such deep and detailed way. Thank you for doing your job 😊

[Isabelmaryj]

So helpful. Dated a guy who seemed to offer security but it was bs. He even said "Never be insecure about us!" while ignoring me regularly etc. We can think they are offering us security especially because the instant connection, instant certainty can lull us into attaching quickly. Their apparent confidence in life seems like a reassuring thing..until the mind games ramp up. I now want to communicate my needs and desires with confidence and mutual respect to a potential partner, looking for the same from them and build something real.

[peachwedding]

You have to train yourself to not be attracted to these "mysterious" behaviours and rather accept that they are not conducive to a healthy lasting relationship. It takes a certain level of maturity and grit to get there though. I used to find emotionally unavailable men alluring in my early 20's but now I find that behaviour abhorrent because it diametrically opposes what I'm after - a stable, healthy relationship. I had to get my heart broken a few times to truly learn this lesson though.

[tomdrummy]

8:00 - 9:30. Bingo !! Women still look for the initial chemistry or spark…….and never give the stable gentleman enough time to see that he may be the most interesting and exciting man you ever met. Many are deeper than what you initially think you “see”

[margaretjongebloed]

This is fabulous!! Just started a new relationship with someone .
I gained the strength to walk away from one that I knew was not working listening to you! Thank you for all you share ! 🙏🏼❤️