This Confusing Phrase is Actually a Major RED FLAG

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Have you ever stayed with someone in spite of them saying they weren’t interested in something serious?

Perhaps you’d hoped that with enough time, they’d see your value, realize what you have together is special, and decide to get into a relationship in spite of their fears . . .

We’ve all heard of situations where someone did just need a bit of time to change their mind about commitment, so how can we tell a dead-end situation from one that actually has potential? Don’t miss this week’s brand-new video.

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▼ Chapters ▼

0:00 – 1:50 – A Giant Red Flag
1:50 – 3:09 – The Car Metaphor
3:09 – 5:37 – Persisting on a Red Light
5:37 – 6:43 – Flowing Around the Rock
6:43 – 7:54 – A Beautiful, Relaxed Energy
7:54 – 9:08 – “But When Should I Persist?”
9:08 – 11:29 – Your Value
11:29 – 12:41 – A Green Light for Another Direction
­12:41 – 14:11 – Love Life

[Airflyte]

It’s not a rant. It’s common sense and you’re passionate about it. Especially seeing person after person pursue someone who doesn’t want them long term and getting hurt.

[naterksmr]

The red flag is not knowing what they want. I made the mistake of getting back with my ex when she reached out to me 5 months after breaking up with me. When she first broke up with me, she specifically said something like "I don't want the same things I thought I did." When we got back together, surprise surprise, it didn't work out. We constantly had problems. I made it clear I needed to go very slow. If we were going to try this again, it needed to be very slow and steady. 2 months into it, she asked if I saw us (her and her daughter) like my family. I wasn't there yet and she was devastated. I have always known what I want and was always upfront and honest about it. To me, it seemed like she liked the good parts of the relationship. But when things got hard, she threw herself into other areas of my life and got mad that I didn't hunt her down to force her to talk about what was bothering her. I don't think she was a bad person. I love her and miss her. But two days ago, I ended things and the breakup felt pretty mutual. I don't think she has realistic expectations of a relationship. She always expected 110% when she was in the mood for a relationship. When she wasn't, it was expected that I be okay going a week or two without seeing her in person, and maybe occasionally video chatting, despite the fact I was always willing to drive to see her (she was less than an hour away). And that's the final thing. If someone doesn't make time for you, they're not the right person for you. When I started a new job almost an hour away from where I lived, I was often back home about 12 hours after waking up 5 days a week. I had very little free time, and what free time I did have, I prioritized her. Even before we started fighting, there would be entire weeks she wouldn't "have time" for me. You make time for what's important in your life. If someone doesn't have time for you, that can be a hard pill to swallow, but understand you aren't important enough to them. And if they go hot and cold sometimes, understand they probably don't know what they want, or at least their inconsistency is unacceptable.

I realize no one is probably going to read this, especially since I went off on a total tangent. I just need to vent and write this out.

[The_Viking_Skull]

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage😮

[yesreneau]

I’ve watched this channel for years, and about 7-8 months ago is when I started to fully internalize all the lessons. Life has been so much more peaceful in the past year.

I just want to say thanks for having made videos for so long. Sometimes it takes hearing something hundreds of times before a message finally sinks in.

[mmlv]

If I see the chosen option “figuring out my dating goals” on a dating app it’s a red flag. If a guy is still figuring that out, they’re not ready for a relationship.

[elesaknowles]

Situationship is the person being not clear so they use you and they don’t care. Their comfort matters more than your sanity and safety. If you want to be fwb and participate in hook up culture, whatever just say that and hook up with randoms. Cool. Don’t lead someone on who is monogamous on and then turn on them and say, “we are not in a relationship why are you so upset” no victim blaming, be clear and upfront with them and no games and manipulation. Awful I have my love now but no one deserves a situationship, I never felt so unloved and invalidated as someone who is ace/demi.

[allenmciver]

The best advice I have seen from the male side of relationship advice is that when a girl says she is not interested, take the L and move on. Don't nag, don't try to convince the or just be friends, move on and stop wasting time. No one has convinced someone intellectually to like them better.

[eternalgaming]

Listen to Matthew. As a guy, looking for a relationship. We truly do know that it is what we want. If you are ready for a relationship, and the guy is on the fence, it is better to find someone else that will work towards the same goal as you, without hesitation.

[PT]

I think this is so true. If someone wants something very different most of the time you can't change them. So if they're not interested in a relationship then respect that, but don't let them use you like you are in a relationship. The only thing worse is someone who swears that they do want a relationship but never really commits, maybe they have good intentions or maybe they're just know this is what you want to hear. You can lose years of your life this way.

[empep]

I didn’t see a rant and I’m a pretty chilled out Aussie. I saw someone that is very passionate about what he’s talking about, is authentic, and the right man for the job he’s doing.

[Mayfloweralways]

I think the thing we have to make peace with, is the idea that attraction is in the same realm as winning. It’s not. Attraction is a very primal thing. In work or sports, you train harder, you have a chance. Not so with a person being emotionally attracted to you. You can’t train harder. One of Matthew’s analogies- shopping for a dress- is the right mindset. If the dress doesn’t look good on you, it just doesn’t. You don’t keep trying it on and hoping the dress will change color or shape. And the dress isn’t suddenly going to try to look good on you. The dress is what it is. You’re the hight and build you are. Time to move on to trying on another dress that fits you like a glove, no matter how much you want that first dress to be the one.

[minervag]

This man is a gift to the world! He explains everything in a very objective, logical way with incredible metaphors. So thankful for u Matthew!!!! Been watching your videos for 10 years now, since I’m a teenager

[Amanda-bcke]

There have been multiple times I've met really good guys and there's chemistry, but then they say they aren't looking for a relationship, usually because of a recent divorce or ending of a long relationship. There is such a self empowering and self loving feeling when you can have an honest convo with those men and state you are both in different phases and it was very nice meeting them and part ways.

[EvaMariposa]

I didn't see it as you being mad... I see it as someone who's trying to get a clearly obvious message across, knowing 90% of the crowd are not understanding 😁

[smartkookie]

Another red flag is when they say "Whether you are with me or someone else" that phrase is actually saying "I really don't want to be with you"

[martiseelye]

I just turned 70 recently. I'm in my 2nd marriage. When I started going out with him he said something about not being ready for a relationship. We were both divorced so I got that but my response was "as hard as the divorce was and painful I AM ready for a relationship, with the right person. What I'm hearing is that you're not ready for a relationship with me. I thanked him for his honesty and said it had been fun but I didn't want to waste my time, nor his. We've been happily married for 30 years 😊

[leticiachasepaff]

I loved your enthusiastic rant. Yell at us, we need to hear it.

[prschuster]

I've made that mistake too many times, waiting patiently until someone is ready, or until they stop being abusive.

[judyb]

I'm in a FWB not ready for relationship situation and this gives me courage to end things but i dont want to lose what we have. I needed to hear this.

[coralfincken]

Omg this is so true I spent 3.5years persisting with someone who said at the outset they didn't want a relationship, hoping he'd change, he did to a small extent, admitting about 2 years in that he considered us in a relationship, yet still never invested into the relationship. Hindsight has taught me to walk away if I see this again.