10 Symptoms of a Toxic Personality | Is Toxic Personality Disorder real?

This video answers the questions: Is toxic personality disorder real thing? If it is real, what are the symptoms? Toxic personality disorder is not an official diagnosis listed in the diagnostic and statistical manual. In this video I will be listing 10 symptoms of a toxic personality. This list of symptoms was generated using the 79 symptom criteria available in the personality disorder section of the DSM.

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: Author.

The 10 personality disorders:
cluster A: paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal
cluster B: antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic
cluster C: avoidant, dependent, obsessive-compulsive

10 symptoms of a toxic personality:

10. Holding a grudge, unforgiving, (paranoid personality disorder)
9. inappropriate provocative behavior, (histrionic personality disorder)
8. Sense of entitlement, (narcissistic personality disorder)
7. arrogance, condescending, and pretentious, (narcissistic personality disorder)
6. reckless disregard for safety, (antisocial personality disorder)
5. Inappropriate or constricted affect, coldness, (schizotypal and schizoid personality disorders)
4. Extreme position on conscientiousness: breaking rules versus rigidly adhering to rules, (antisocial and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder)
3. Manipulative, deceitfulness: (narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders)
2. lack of empathy, remorse, or guilt: (narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders)
1. aggression and anger: (antisocial and borderline personality disorders)

[jean-luchidalgo]

People who won’t apologize for mistreating you. This shows that their ego is more important to them than you are. Leave them, they’re toxic.

[paulv]

"Entitlement to have others feel the way they think others should".
That is the monster in the room!

[PotterSpurn]

I would put excessive jealousy / envy in that list too. This is highly destructive.

[jenilynneful]

Holding a grudge is different than setting boundaries and not forgetting abusive behavior.

[r.chrism.d.]

A curious mind like yours is a wonderful trait. Many of the comments rang true as well. Please don’t burn out!

[nancystewart]

They love to talk about unconditional love, meaning you should love them unconditionally regardless of how they behave...all the while they attach many, many conditions to their "love" for others, if they are even capable of truly loving others.

[mastermind]

List starts at 5:35
Symptoms of toxicity. (Having any 4 of these would be toxic).
10) Holds a grudge.
9) Inappropriate provocative behaviour (infidelity).
8) Sense of entitlement (includes entitled to their feelings).
7) Being arrogant, condescending, and pretentious.
6) Reckless disregard for the safety of others.
5) Inappropriate or restricted affect.
4) Extreme position on consciousness (breaking all the rules, or rigidly adhering to all the rules).
3) Manipulative and Deceitful.
2) Lack of empathy or remorse.
1) Aggression and Anger. (#1 because most dangerous.)

[chrissearcher]

I was married to a physically and emotionally abusive man for 22 years. I stayed for a number of reasons, one of which was that every week I was marched into church and told I had to forgive him for his latest physical or verbal outburst. And I did for many years. Without a grudge. Without any anger or aggression in return. So I didn't leave. I kept trying to fix it. Which was a huge mistake that my children paid dearly for. :(
I think that if you are in a toxic relationship with someone, you may find yourself exhibiting anger, coldness, feeling unforgiving, and that's OK. You need these things for strength to leave. I think an absolute key difference is I wouldn't have had these feeling towards anyone else but the person who was being abusive towards me.

[jaenboston]

I initially watched this video about 2 years ago. After analyzing the symptoms of a toxic personality, I concluded this was the problem I had with interacting with others. I always knew I had a personality disorder but had problems identifying which one fit me. I had symptoms from several personality disorders but this toxic personality answers the question to my difficulty with others. Since I reviewed my behavior and have taken the advice of Dr. Grande, I became aware of the changes needed to become a better person. I have tremendously improved my relationships with others. My quality of life is so much better with this information. Thank you, Dr. Grande.

[lonelylantern]

Sometimes it is so reassuring to hear it from a professional that yes, that person with those traits in your life is indeed toxic. So many toxic people try to gaslight you into thinking you are the problem, so to hear it put so clearly by someone who knows the subject is really very helpful, thank you.

[entrotlek]

Hi Dr. Grande, I believe I have a personality disorder. I have a history of child abuse and neglect. I grew up around unhealthy people and made friends with unhealthy people all the while thinking I was the only healthy one in the mix while being equally unhealthily. That being said, your videos are always very informative, but could you make some videos that explain how us toxic people can reduce our toxicity? I've spent the last year reading tons of books, going to counseling, and listening to audiobooks about why I do the behaviors I do but there's a severe lack on youtube on explanations as to how to effectly have healthy interpersonal relationships. I always approach relationships from a fearful and defensive place at the start but once I feel a little more comfortable i begin oversharing my negative feelings and past hurts to new people. I never knew that was a bad thing and was always confused as to why people would eventually pull away. I want to be better but it's hard to know what to do when you've never seen that modeled. Thank you for reading.

[Tonithenightowl]

I don't care who it is.... if what a person says and what they do are two different things.... steer clear they are nothing but trouble.

[cindyrhodes]

"Not feeling sorry is a block to being forgiven."

[mirjanadolenec]

As we all do get angry I'd like you to talk about how to communicate anger without hurting the other and damage relationships.

[christinecornezcolmenero]

This has been so enlightening. I now know why I feel upset around certain people. I thought I was too sensitive.
Thank you Dr. Grande!

[legitKwit]

List Starts at 5:39

Number one, as Dr. Grande states, there’s absolutely no reason for anyone to be with that type. Absolutely destructive trait.

[ChrisMas]

Excellent video! - Just making people miserable, spoiling happiness and good mood for others is toxic, especially damaging for children. Imagine being around people who make you feel uneasy. You literally feel them sucking you out emotionally. It’s like a physical assault.

[laughingwaters]

What made my relationship toxic: rigidity, control, refusal to work on problems, silent treatment, cyclical arguments, total disregard for my needs (like seeming angry whenever I was sick), unpredictability. The ones on the list I do think existed were entitlement, arrogance, anger, manipulation, disregard for safety, lack of empathy.

[coralynrojas]

Toxic Personality
(1) Holding a grudge - unforgiving, unhealed
(2) Infidelity -
(3) Sense of entitlement - having without working, giving, loving, caring
(4) Arrogant -frustrating progress
(5) Disregard for safety -
(6) Coldness - not sensitive to another’s feelings
(7) Breaking rules - OCPD - low conscientious -
(7.2) Sticking to the rules -inflexible
(8) Manipulative - deceitful - stop growth
(9) Justified - Never guilty - no empathy -lack of effective and cognitive logics
(10) Aggressive - no progress - bad outcome - expression of anger - manipulative with hurtful behaviour -destructive

[clouddancer]

Silent treatment was left out... So toxic.