How to “keep” the avoidant

#avoidant #avoidantattachment #insecureattachment #relationship #attachment #dismissiveavoidant #dating #fearfulavoidant #relationshipcoach #situationship #heartbroken #emotionallyunavailable #breakup #discard #divorce #anxiousattachment

[vorbis]

Sounds like he's as fed up with avoidants as I am.

[Flufero]

You don't keep them. You let them go.

[tabarnakopoulos]

Let the avoidant go. What you describe is unacceptable. It's better to be alone!

[sandrayip]

Most professionals I've come across sympathise with the avoidant and are accusatory toward the anxiously attached person. Thank you for not being like that. Your videos are helping me heal from being discarded. I feel less and less like used tissue and better about myself.

[lgroves]

this is SPOT on , I am interacting with one of these. They are committed to working on themselves. Best I can tell. She is changing and working through her fears. One day at a time. Before coming SECURE I did the same thing. Pushed through my FEARS. Remember FEAR = False Emotion Appearing REAL

[ralucamera]

True, a healthy relationship requires emotional connection where both partners have to feel safe. When only one puts in the effort it becomes overwhelming.

[Kazzas]

You will have a life of misery if you keep trying to hold an avoidant.
Let go, heal, love yourself.

[MD-gkun]

You made this make sense! Thank you! I knew no one was ever that busy. He was just ghosting every time we got more intimate. Wow. Bread crumbs yes!

[eileendom]

You are a hero! I just unfollowed a person who calls himself an avoidant expert. Things he would have an avoidant partner do did not sit right in my spirit. I could say so much more but I want to focus on your videos. I was secure and got into a push pull with an avoidant. I became anxious. I finally was able to fully let go and choose my dignity to save me. I’m working on me to heal and it’s been great to feel free from what felt like chains on my soul. Thank you everyday for showing us it’s not our fault on how they acted toward us.

[justme]

@1:26 my issue too these other "coaches" give advice that will turn you into an avoidant. You continue to keep it real Ryan, you're the only one in these YouTube streets that's not about enabling the avoidant. This is the place for secure attachment types and those trying to get it back after dealing with an avoidant. If you look at Ryan's comment section the avoidant types stay clear 😂 there over there on other channels that help enable them, and justifying their behaviour they cant handle it here 💯. I'm empathetic to their behaviour as far as seeing the trauma is not their fault, but their response to it while in a relationship totally is 😏

[Mineever-pr]

Well said Coach ❤
I don’t understand why some coaches on utube keep enabling the DA behaviour and giving misleading advice to those who have been victims of them as if it is their fault 😤😠

[tredd]

That's what happened to me. 2 years of this bs. I went in Securely Attached and came out Anxiously (and losing my mind) Attached.
It's been 3 months (after discard #3) and I'm still a fkg mess; barely able to recognize myself.
R U N.
Just run.

[sixthsense-ou]

That's right! I spent 20 years with an Avoidant narcissist. To get along, if that's possible, I had to be submissive and cater to his needs. FTS ..I finally got the strength to leave.

[AttachmentTheory-oods]

I just want to say that one thing I like about your videos is that you go against the, often seen, grain of needing to bend over backwards to cater to the avoidant's needs. Too many social media "coaches" preach things like "Oh, well, you just need to understand the avoidant and work to meet their needs!" Uh, no, no we don't. A relationship is 50/50. You are supposed to meet that person halfway. Why the hell would I extend myself to doing 100% of the work permanently while they get what they want doing 0%. I feel sympathy for avoidants to the extent that their trauma's are not their fault, but they are their responsibility. All the pain they feel inside, they transfer that to their ex's when they lead people on, only to discard. If avoidants actually took accountability, did self-reflection, and made positive changes to become healthier/secure partners, then I may change my stance. To any avoidants reading this, get off dating apps and go to therapy.

[hspfbyv]

Very on point! I have left the relationship myself for many times now. I did hate too get so anxious over time. I deserved so much more. But yes it's difficult because it is an addictive cicle. But i am over it. And met a better one😅 and feeling much better and secure again.

[siankhan]

Changing your name to “Coach Hammer” cause you hit this right on the head and drove it home. I recognized there were issues and got stone walled. I believe she was trying but by the time I educated myself she was gone. Your life is too short and precious to waste it on anyone who won’t confront their issues and work with you to resolve them in order to form a more perfect union. I recognize it takes two and I even discovered my own issues regrettably it was too late. If someone won’t meet you half way…run.

[nrt]

Thank you so much for saying that about other relationship advisors/coaches because that’s what kept me with my dismissive avoidant for so long despite my cousin constantly saying ‘but what about you and your needs’. I’m an anxious attacher and chronic people pleaser and i was ok abandoning my needs thinking i needed to grow, i’m more secure than he is, i just need to be patient, our love is worth fighting and being patient for. He told me he never had feelings (we were ‘casual’ but acted like we were in a relationship when we met up, deeply intimate and vulnerable with me, claimed me in public physically, spa weekends, planned holidays etc.) and was something he said everytime i professed my feelings for him and not wanting to be casual. And he emotionally cheated on me these last two months but lied about it and pushed me to end things saying ‘he doesn’t feel what i feel and i know this, i’m asking too much of him and he just wants sexual encounters’. It was only later i found out about the other woman..

Sometimes i feel this is my fault because he told me he doesn’t feel that way for me and i carried on..but then i remember him manipulating me saying how much he misses me and wants to see where this goes and doesn’t want to lose me..the romantic and emotionally intimate dates we had, the amount of physical affection he gave me and how safe he said i made him feel…

[danielmason]

This is the best video by far. Gives me clarity. I’ve spent 5 years trying to pursue a relationship with my son’s mother. She has probably left me around 20 times throughout these years and each one hurts as much as the first. I’m going through it right now once again. I need to be strong enough to say no next time she tries to seduce me back into again, because once I’m in I’m out again. I’m then gaslighted and told she’s never loved me and just uses me. Which I now believe to be true. Wish me luck next time she comes around 😅

[chrislim]

Geezus.
Just forget it.
I feel healthier already.

[Elle-omdk]

Yes absolutely. I do not want a patient, I want a partner. Other channels want you to become their therapist. No way. I Ended it sent them to therapy.