How To Calm An Angry Child

Do you often deal with an angry child? It could take a lot of patience. Dr. Paul Jenkins provides a list of do's and don'ts that will help us with our child's temper.

Do's:

1. Do stay calm yourself.
2. Do model appropriate emotional regulation.
3. Buy some time.
4. Do practice empathy.
5. Do use this experience as a learning opportunity.

Don'ts:

1. Don't tell them to calm down.
2. Don't lose control yourself.
3. Don't tell them what they should or shouldn't feel.
4. Don't tell them it's their own fault.
5. Don't kick into I-told-you-so mode.

Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins

HELP & RESOURCES:
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MUSIC
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Track: Kisma - We Are [NCS Release]
Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds.
Licensed under Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0

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Video by Nate Woodbury

[AngelMissyMe]

I tell my 4 year old. It is ok to be angry, mad, sad, upset...it is ok to have all these emotions....but it's not okay to take it out on others. So I say... Take a minute and when you feel better we can talk about it. Her "emotion release" is my room. She goes to my bed....releases then she comes back to wherever I am and we hug then we talk about what happened. It works so well with her.

[nhayakh]

I don't actually have kids, but the reason why i watch this is because it helps me with interacting with others, we are all kids inside no matter how old we are, it's just we have different ways to let go our anger when we grow up, these tips work really great with adults as well! Thanks for sharing

[goofball]

I used to be a very aggressive and angry child. When I was in elementary school I had explosive outbursts almost every day and I would break things, and hit people and scream and cuss. I got help and I was diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, and Anxiety. Now I’m a teenager and I’m doing so much better.

[againstcliche]

Found you when I was pregnant with my first child. Three years later, pregnant with second child and back again to learn from you. THANK YOU for strengthening us as parents!!!

[hotguy]

Some parents are unable to control themselves but they would agree with every single word you say.

[lockedfn]

Gold, this should be required listening for all parents. I'm often guilty of the wrong approach in these 5 steps. Great to get guidance and simple tools to navigate these daily situations.
Keep up the good work!

[christi]

Yesterday I found your videos again after I had been yelling and things were going horribly wrong. I was able to get myself under control and things calmed down. Started with immediate consequences today after being reminded of their importance in one of yesterday's videos. He had a complete angry meltdown whenever I followed through. I immediately came back and found this video. He calmed down within about two minutes because I did not accelerate things. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[PleaseNThankYou]

Why in the world do people give thumbs down to this guy?? He's always so spot on with his advice. Trolls!

[jintong]

Children are reflections of parents. Parenting is a life long learning and practicing. Fortunately, it’s not too late for me to learn. Thanks for your professional help.

[brenurse]

Grew up with neglectful parent and always thought I'd made it out unaffected for the most part until parenting threw up a mirror in front of me. Your videos are really great at teaching and redirecting behavior in a non-judgmental way. Thank you.

[marwagad]

I like your parenting tips..I will translate them into Arabic because I think that many parents in the middle East need to know them

[janicethompson]

I"m glad everyone seems to think this video is great....and it is. Except he forgets to mention that you talk to the child after the tantrum is over. An angry child will NOT listen no matter how calm your voice is. I know from experience and it does not work, at least with my granddaughter who is 5 yrs. old now. Other than this, I think the doctor's advice is good. And I will continue to watch his videos.

[Ronivanhalderen]

100% Yes this is what my younger me needed. The groundedness the calmness and the safety to feel whatever I was feeling and to proces it the right way. Healing it right now, giving it myself and my children later. Thank you for sharing🙏🏼

[ThisHandleIsNotTaken_Yet]

I have heard about modeling calmness, and I apply it. But some times my son's tantrums are so long, that I wonder if my calmness is actually helping? After the rage stage, we talk, and that is another round of back and forth logic and questions that also drains me physically and emotionally. Thanks for this video, it is very encouraging! 🙌🏻

[LittleNikkiGram]

These videos always catch me doing the things that I maybe should not do. I come from a home of DV, so I'm already breaking the cycle as we say, but there's more to parenting than simply doing things differently than your parents before you. That's why these videos are so helpful, I'm a first time parent doing things I have no idea if they're right or wrong... these videos help sort me out. My future well adjusted daughter thanks you, as do I!

[russellgardner]

Opportunity to calmly debrief what has already passed. Loved that! So true!

[amberklein]

Even as an adult, I feel listened to and validated just from watching this video.
You have such a tender way of speaking. Thank you.

[studiojason]

I've got a 4 year old son, and whenever he is screaming and trying to get his way, I always kneel down to get on his level, get very close to him, and whisper. If I whisper, then he has to stop screaming so he can hear what I have to say to him. I guess it's like modeling a calm state, but to an extreme. Very effective for my son

[alyc]

Loving these
type of topics you are posting lately!!! Lil reminder for myself
Empathy and patience are key!!

[arquita]

I could not stand listening to these videos until I put them in 1.5x speed. Now I'm hooked!