How to cope with dementia guilt and sadness

Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)

Understanding this one thing can help you cope with the dementia caregiver guilt and sadness that so many experience when caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, lewy body dementia, or any of the other types of dementia.

It's normal as a human being to feel a variety of emotions, and sometimes those emotions don't feel very good. I hope this strategy will help you overcome dementia caregiver stress and burnout and set you up for success in the coming year.
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OTHER VIDEOS MENTIONED IN THIS VIDEO:
Find out: "why you should lie to your loved one with dementia"
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare

[ursulabrantley]

I feel my Mother slipping away more and more and this holiday was the hardest I have experienced. This video came at the right time because this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much for making me feel as though you are speaking directly to me. May your New Year be as special as you are!!

[laurenmassey]

Wow. I just listened. Taking care my Mother with limited help. It's overwhelming. Thank you so much for this vital information!

[carolynd]

Thanks so much, I really needed this. It was a very difficult past couple of days with mom.

[jeanhaefner]

It is super sad to see someone who was once so intelligent slip into dementia. Angers me. Makes me cry. I try each day to be positive. Some days it works and some days not. As you can tell, today is a “not” day. Hopefully, it will improve. Thank you.

[elainegraczyk]

Thank you for the help. My Frank is on year 11 Parkinson’s. He has been leaving us for a long time. I am grateful for the strength and stamina thus far to have him at home with us. 🙏🏻🎄☃️❄️ There are good days and not so good days. I have learned to except them. Merry Christmas 🎄

[victoriajohnson]

Thank you for helping me come to terms with my own grief process over this past year. I am now in a place to accept the sadness as ok, but also to let go of the guilt for living my own happy life while mom is slipping away. I have realized finally that she gave me this life and it's a disrespect to her when i throw it away!

[edwin]

Thank you for your help as I have been feeling very guilty, sad and even mad at the fact I had to put my hubby who has dementia and is slipping very fast from us in hospital even though it was for medical reasons ( seizures). The hospital is in full lockdown and I can’t go visit and help him or even be his spoke person as he is profoundly deaf due to his former work

[lionheartmerrill]

Thanks Dr Natali for the fantastic therapy session. You're the best.

[antoinettehettiaratchy]

Thank you very much. Your videos helped me to take good care of my mother who was in the early stages of Dementia. She passed away recently.

[FLeon-bvhf]

Just listening to the first 1:20 of this video was so cathartic, to hear all those weights that we feel on our shoulders in such a succinct way.... thanks.

[kathym]

Beautiful video. Thank you so much. 🌹🎄🌹🎄🌹

[garyhome]

Thank you for this discussion!

It always helps to remember I'm not going to be happy with everything all of the time, or even just ok. Lately I've felt some frustration building with my LOWD due to their blatant resentments about having to be told or reminded of basic personal things; for example: hygene, money, or family matters. The holidays have been no exception either. It is a challenge to take the insults, scolding, and even the ridiculous attempts at ironic berating and belittling (once an effective tool to control childhood behaviors of my siblings and myself) that usually make no sense in the moment.

Some days I would rather not hear it. Often I resent having to be the one to side-step and find other business to attend elsewhere in my own house. I'm very fortunate to have a full wood working shop that is a haven when I need it. I just don't always appreciate being forced there.

Thank you again for all of your advice!

[ricardosajor]

I found your videos just a few months ago and they have been so helpful in so many ways - thank you. Over the years of being a caregiver for my partner, I think I've become better at doing the practical part of caring though as he is now in the final stages of Alzheimers I am doing more and more and I feel worn out, but that is not the problem that I have been trying to cope with lately and that is dealing with the emotions - watching him slip away. And you are right, I'm not supposed to feel good about all of this and it should hurt seeing one's loved one slip away and if it didn't hurt, it wouldn't say much for our 30 years together. In the past few weeks I've been going through his memoir, looking at photos and videos - shedding tears and trying to find some kind of balance or close to a balance as possible. Yesterday he said, "I'm going to disappear soon." and it could have been just another random comment but it sort of hit me hard and I had to leave the room for a while. Anyway your video came at a good time - reinforcing what I already know but it still helps. Okay, I've gone longer than intended - mostly just want to thank you for your videos and for this one in particular as it is something close to home at the moment. Enjoy the rest of the holidays. And greetings from London, UK.

[paulalansford]

Thank you for such an informative video. I feel guilty about leaving my husband in respite care with Hospice. Hospice has been amazing with the support given to us at home. Grieving is very hard to go through as I look into my husband's eyes and see how lost he is, like a little boy.

[cheryl]

I hope that your Christmas was wonderful!
Thank you for everything that you do to help us ♥️

[ednabourgoin]

Dr Natali. My momma passed away a year and a half ago. I still come back to listen to what you have to say. I think we all need to be prepared with this knowledge if we have to use it or not. It helps us to know what others are going through to help them. I'll never forget the sorrows but still celebrate each and every memory of the joys of reaching her at times and helping her to just smile. Thank you for all you got us through and God bless you. Hope you had a very Merry Christmas and wish you a wonderful Happy New Year!!

[juliemunro]

Your advice makes sense and is what I needed to hear. Mum has advanced Alzheimer's but is in a care home where she is well looked after.

[jesusnameaboveallnames]

12/27/2020
Thank you very much Dr. N.
As of shortly before Thanksgiving (2020), I began caring for an elderly man that has the beginnings of Dementia.
Your vids have helped me so much on how to deal with or have a more positive relationship with him. I've no experience in this area & was very unfamiliar with this condition. I come in for several hours, 3 x weekly. His family are great & see him daily, along with administering his Diabetic shots. (And his adult grandson lives with him.)
Thank you again. May the Father Yehovah abundantly bless you in every area.⚘

[sandym]

Thanks so much for helping us Dr. Natali and sharing your wisdom, guidance & expertise! I feel guilty & selfish focusing on the struggles I have instead of thinking of my LO and how to care for him. Your videos help.

[joanharris]

I would like to thank you for all the information and support you have given caregivers! It has been a big help and resource while caring for our Mom. Sadly, we have lost our dear Mom on Dec. 29. We were blessed to be able share caregiving with my brother and have the help during the day while we worked. My husband was also supportive and understanding as his Mom also had Alzheimer's. We called Hospice in November to manage Mom's pain and anxiety. She had osteoporosis and mobility issues so we had a hospital bed and wheelchair delivered. Two weeks before Mom passed away, her food and liquid intake greatly decreased. When Mom had trouble swallowing, the Hospice nurse came over to help Mom manage excess secretions. I don't know what we would have done without Hospice!