How to win a negotiation, with former FBI hostage chief Chris Voss

Negotiation isn’t about logic & reason. It’s about emotional intelligence, explains former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss.

Emotional intelligence and tactical empathy are key to successful negotiating, says former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss. He highlights the value of understanding and addressing the other party's emotional standpoint in both business and personal negotiations. By doing so, people can make better deals and foster long-term relationships.

Voss emphasizes the importance of addressing people's fears and practicing tactical empathy through labeling. This approach involves identifying and acknowledging the emotions involved in the negotiation. By listening carefully and discerning the underlying motivations and concerns, negotiators can guide discussions more effectively and achieve mutually beneficial outcomes. Being nice to others can often lead to surprising results, proving the power of empathy and understanding in negotiations.

0:00 What drives people?
1:18 Negotiation is NOT about logic
2:14 1. Emotionally intelligent decisions
3:00 2. Mitigate loss aversion
4:48 3. Try “listener’s judo”
5:54 Practice your negotiating skills

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About Chris Voss:
Chris Voss is the Founder and CEO of the Black Swan Group Ltd. He has used his many years of experience in international crisis and high stakes negotiations to develop a unique program and team that applies these globally proven techniques to the business world. Prior to 2008, Chris was the was the lead international kidnapping negotiator for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, as well as the FBI's hostage negotiation representative for the National Security Council's Hostage Working Group. During his government career he also represented the U.S. Government at two (2) international conferences sponsored by the G-8 as an expert in kidnapping. Prior to becoming the FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator, Christopher served as the lead Crisis Negotiator for the New York City Division of the FBI. Christopher was a member of the New York City Joint Terrorist Task Force for 14 years. He was the case agent on such cases as TERRSTOP (the Blind Sheikh Case – Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman), the TWA Flight 800 catastrophe and negotiated the surrender of the first hostage taker to give up in the Chase Manhattan bank robbery hostage taking.

During Chris's 24 year tenure in the Bureau, he was trained in the art of negotiation by not only the FBI, but Scotland Yard and Harvard Law School. He is also a recipient of the Attorney General's Award for Excellence in Law Enforcement and the FBI Agents Association Award for Distinguished and Exemplary Service. Chris currently teaches business negotiation in the MBA program as an adjunct professor at University of Southern California's Marshall School of Business and at Georgetown University's McDonough School of Business. He has taught business negotiation at Harvard University, guest lectured at The Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, The IMD Business School in Lausanne, Switzerland and The Goethe School of Business in Frankfurt, Germany. Since 2009 Christopher has also worked with Insite Security as their Managing Director of the Kidnapping Resolution Practice.

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Read more of our stories on negotiation:
What is tactical empathy and how can it help in negotiations at work?
5 laws for leaders who want to build trust
Theory of mind: What chess and drug dealers can teach you about manipulation

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Want more Big Think?

[killgriffinnow]

“If you’re nice to someone it’s amazing what they’ll do for you”

Applies both ways. If you’re rude, belittling and hostile, then it will often result in that person turning against the very point you were trying to make.

[free]

I remember years ago I had to attend meetings with the department heads of a company. The department heads were highly educated engineers and scientists but it was the HR manager who guided those discussions. She simply had higher emotional intelligence levels than everyone else in the room. The others didn’t even realize that she was guiding the conversations. I was often in awe of her because if she had wanted to do so, she could have completely controlled that company. Since then, I have noticed the same thing in other meetings. The person who understood human psychology the best was often the one actually in charge.

[deborahbreeden]

As a Small Claims Mediator, I saw a lot of agreements.
I found that my role was to assist the people in hearing each other effectively.
Once people perceive that they are understood, the dispute resolves quickly.

[TorchySmurf]

I work in Customer Service and it's funny when angry customers say, "I'm not getting off the phone until I get what I want!" You basically become the hostage and your own negotiator at that point. Staying calm and genuinely trying to remain helpful is quite an interesting challenge when someone is threatening you. I see it as a win if I keep my head in the game and try to help them. Yes, Losing feels worse than winning feels good.

[declup]

Loss aversion isn't ridiculous; it makes perfect sense actually. The thing is, gaining and losing aren't symmetrical. You can gain and gain and gain, at least theoretically, and even so, you never win the game of life. However, you can only lose so much until you hit the number 0, at which point, you've washed out of the game of life entirely. E.g., right now, you have just enough money for a meal -- say, $5. You gain a dollar, you have $6. You lose a dollar, however, you no longer can afford a meal. The +/- directions aren't balanced in other words.

[YogaFlow-with-Jamaik]

A Well informed and very intelligent professor. As someone who has to deal with about 50 customers almost daily with cell phone problems, (in person) Big Think videos has helped me over the years improve my emotional intelligence, they are spot on. I now see my clients as a learning opportunity to genuinely identify and understand their emotions on a daily basis and as the professor mentioned, act on that understanding. In this day and age, our lives is on our cell phones, thus people get really angry. My business has significantly grown, become a lot easier and more enjoyable. If only I can get my employees to be that resilient. Lol

[grapeshott]

At the end of the video, the Big Think staff seem to have learnt a great deal from the professor.

[TheBrawlmastah]

Losing 5 dollars stings at least twice as much as gaining 5 dollars. Well said sir.

[PaulJackino]

Beautiful and helpful!

One thought at “If you’re nice to someone it’s amazing what they’ll do for you”

Yes, be respectful and understanding, but only because it's the way to go - not because you want something from it. Don't be nice for the sake of getting something. Be understanding, patient, respectful, while maintaining the communication (whatever it is you're asserting).

[fppiroozian]

If you are nice with people it’s amazing what they do for you!!

Biggest overlooked lesson in business

[Ffgshhhjkjdhsjjks]

From this video I understand that:

It is important for the relationship to listen carefully, express your thoughts clearly and find mutually beneficial solutions. It is also important to focus on partnerships and maintain constructive dialogue.

[FestaNoYoutubiu]

This video should be entitled "the zen of negotiation". As much as a negotion tips video, this is a roadmap to maturity and human understanding. Thank you!

[andrcarlos]

Chris Voss' Never Split the Difference is a must-read for sure! Big Think always with the best content.

[BarrettCharlebois]

Chris Voss was great as a guest today, I remember reading his book right before covid hit. Can we see more of him please?

[CorinthianIvory]

I just read your book "Never Split the Difference." It's potentially life changing. I'll keep coming back to it every year

[pinokodayo]

His book Never Split the Difference is such a wonderful text. I’ve listened to the audiobook version a few times and it’s helped a ton

[zuhaibkhan]

I have read Never Split The Difference and it is astounding the principles I have learnt. Chris is amazing.

[christians]

I remember incorporating some his teachings from the book towards selling my truck awhile back and I ended up getting my asking price while leaving the buyer with a feeling of satisfaction over a good deal as well

I love how he emphasizes the importance of listening. It’s a truest valuable skill set

[maryrosekent]

But even more importantly, be nice to people because kindness is its own reward.

[anvi.a]

Bro wins every argument against his wife