You want the narcissist to SEE YOU, but they want you to READ THEIR MIND

ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"

JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM

JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK

SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST

GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS

LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[nikola]

The best relationship with narcs is no relationship with them at all. Better alone then unhappy.

[sushmayen]

They don't see us or hear us. We only exist when they need us. Our needs go down the drain.

[rebeccabryan]

The inconsistency is so destabilizing! The times they pretend to be kind keep you believing they are good. I finally accepted that the cruel & dismissive version was their true self.

[HyggeHomestead]

I laughed when you said whining & crying is cute in a baby but not in a 45 yr old man. So true 😂

[NarcSurvivor]

They’re not concerned about you, other than just getting you to read their mind about what it is that they want from you. They want you to pacify and placate them, regulate their emotions, be their caretaker, make them feel better about themselves. Because they’re children in adult bodies. They cannot take care of themselves emotionally. Their parents never taught them how to self-regulate. Which is why they constantly cause chaos and drama. Because they want you to attend to them.

[moniquejackson]

Wow, so Brilliant. Had to immediately watch twice. If I had a dollar for every time I said, "How was I supposed to know that?" Needing and expecting attunement is normal, and it is NOT expecting people to read your mind. Never kick yourself for wanting to be seen as a separate entity. They are infants in adult bodies.

[ivy]

So honored to be able to bask in the collective wisdom and power of Dr. Ramani and this community.
I can’t afford therapy at the moment, so these daily uploads and the Dr. Ramani network have been my lifeboat!

One night I broke down in the shower — I was having a terrible day since we had been arguing all summer. UNSUPPORTIVE was his favorite word. HIS feelings took priority — his discomfort over my crying was more important and HE started to get sad.

It turned into another night on the couch of me convincing myself each stirring in the bedroom was going to be him coming to scoop me up off the couch…

So glad that’s over. Wish I didn’t have eye boogers still hanging on but it’s okay been a few months.

[misottovoce]

...or an 83 year old man! All this reminds me of what I was dealing with 10 years before this past March. I too, was the 'Invisible Woman'...until I was useful for him. I had to laugh when you said 'even on their deathbed' etc. That is exactly how it was and I did not expect anything different. The afternoon before he passed (put into a morphine deep sleep), I asked him if he had anything to say to me...and of course there wasn't. I just smiled and left the hospital room, afterall I was also the caregiver for my 94 yo mother who was at home. When I got the call that he had passed, I shed tears of relief...and not the grieving wife. He finally has his peace (from himself) and thank God so do I. Enjoying waking up every morning with a smile on my face. Life is Grand again!

[marysisak]

Again, I must ask if you are reading my mind. Again, you described my life experiences to a tee. Thank you, thank you for giving me a voice after all these decades. You are a God send.

[MelodyForeman-frmn]

These videos have helped me a lot! For some reason, I seem to attract narcissistic people. Perhaps, it’s because I’m a compassionate, empathetic, forgiving person, and narcissistic people like to take advantage of that. But all I can say is, it is very emotionally draining! No matter how hard you try, they always make you feel like you’re never going to be good enough! I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t trust people and I’m afraid of letting people into my life, simply because I don’t want to be hurt again. So for the most part, I pretty much practice “no contact.” It’s comforting to know that I am not alone and that I am not seriously flawed, like so many narcissistic people had portrayed me to be! Thank you so much for these videos!

[youngblood]

I wish narcissists could read my mind, the times I'm biting my tongue about things they do or say.

[misottovoce]

Thank you Dr. Ramani for your wisdom and support all these years!

[brightbite]

"You should know better!" I heard that nearly everyday of my life. Even though I was only an infant. Being an infant or a child was "no excuse" not to be able to mind read.

[rundbaum]

'if i could read your mind love, what a tale that thought would tell' . . . good morning!!

[sueg]

Some narcissists not only EXPECT you can read minds and bingo bango their wishes are granted, However, the flip side is true too, they think they can read yours, but they will never admit it unless they slip up.
Example:
During a big fight my now ex narcissistic husband actually blurted out “I can read YOUR mind and it PISSES ME OFF!!” and I just laughed.
Because IF he really read my mind, oh my, ! can’t even repeat what I was thinking, but I would be alone and happy.

And I did eventually secure my freedom but it took 20+ years of living in terror.

[ToBeALegacy]

This LITERALLY just happened. I wasn't included in a major purchase (bought and paid for) and when I spoke up for myself I was told I was being ridiculous, and it was implied I was also being selfish for my position of simply wanting to be included or at least having a discussion for my preferences and needs to be heard, since this purchase was only for me to use. This spiraled into multiple fights and after exhausting every example of if the shoe were on the other foot, I finally said "are you able to feel empathy in your spirit" there was No ANSWER! Then they said I forgive you for acting upset, I said I forgive you too for not taking my feelings into consideration - the fight started all over again. There is NO WINNING with a Narc. This could have gone so many ways but this time was a dumpster fire the whole time.

[carolinethomas]

"We've a lot of attunement in the last 20 years, " since "the day these stupid devices came into our lives..." Yes! Thank you.

[brendanmcbride]

They're empty. We need to let go of them. Forever.

[shellysawchuk]

We are told we are selfish and uncaring and punished for it

[lockstar]

I expect people to act their age and when they don't I just go silent. Watching a narcissist become momentarily aware of how ridiculous their behaviour is making them look, never seems to calm them does it? I'm doing nothing and saying nothing but it's MY fault that they are even MORE angry. Highlighting that a narcissist can't help themselves or stop themselves, takes little else.