When Narcissist Says X, He means Z (EXCERPT)

Common phrases that narcissists use:

I love you (dual mothership in shared fantasy)

You have changed (coercive snapshotting, devaluation-separation)

I am … (grandiosity)

They are (projection) …

This is wrong (useless, inefficacious)

I don’t remember having done/said that, it doesn’t sound like me at all, the truth is this (dissociation and confabulation)

If you refuse, it means that … (coercive control)

Why can't you decode the narcissist's speech?

In the lovebombing phase of the shared fantasy, the narcissist introduces you to his dead inner child (True Self) and to his bad object (the introjects that hate him). This way he induces in you maternal reflexive bonding and pity for him. Do not fall in this trap ever again! Knowledge is power!

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[athinaze]

So true. They want a mother to love them unconditionally. Yes, they use people.

[DaughterofDiogenes]

“I’m a grown ass man.” A complete red flag.

[susanwarford]

I have been married to a narcissist for 56 years. Please, don’t laugh. It has not been easy for me. I knew the day after my wedding that something dark was happening to me. I have tried a five different psychologists and pretty much wasted my money. All these years I have known that my husbands problem came from his mother and that he wanted me to be his mother. Since discovering your tube channel I have been able to piece together what happened to my marriage and to some degree my relationship with my two children. My son died before I could explain myself to him which I very much wanted to do. My daughter lives very near to me and has trouble with our relationship. She is dear to me and I want to start the conversation in way that won’t send her running to the woods. Could you do a talk about communication that won’t scare to death? Many thanks for your wonderful videos. You have done a great service to mankind.

[Deepintent]

Any sentence said by a narcissist starting with 'I' is a false statement. I am... I know... i want... I don't... I will... I wont... I never... I just.

[butterflygirl]

This is brilliant. This is EXACTLY what my ex-narcissist did to me. Amazing how you can explain it because I could not explain it to anyone-even myself-for 17 years.

[Willowtree]

The games that people play is never ending, indeed.

[sophiediscobarre]

100. Still traumatised but I must be healing because your vides make me smile now. What really helps is referring to him as toddler clown. If he wasn't so dangerous it would be really funny.

[DaughterofDiogenes]

The thing that’s so wild is that I’ve been studying this and finally woke up last year after he had started telling me I changed. Knowing about the reverse discard I told him to his face I knew that’s exactly what he was doing because I knew he wanted to look like the good guy and push me to file for divorce. Then I started to build a community of new people around me so I can get away. Now this idiot is insisting that he loves me so much and that one day I’ll fall back in love. Dude I know you’d have my ass out this door if I hadn’t told you to your face what you were doing. Now he’s trying to find new ways to get me. Recently he’s started talking to a woman online and making sure I know. It’s literally child like behavior. I can’t help but laugh at him regularly.

[petralee]

I am …… a faithful husband - he says after he just got caught cheating- he disengages and immediately marries the new person to prove to himself and others that he is a faithful husband ….
…. And the previous spouse/partner becomes the crazy ex .
I am …. / they are ….. go hand in hand.
Thank you for this explanation - very nicely articulated

[csanchez]

The amnesia aspect. Why does he get so angry when I point out that last week he said one thing and this week another.
Much of his lying seems strategic to gain something or as a way to abuse.

[cathrinaugusti]

The "perfect victim" have the good story, and the "real victim" may have a less perfect and not rehearsed story. Also that you can come to sound narcissistic telling your story, becaulse someone else already got the narrative and ran with it. Real victimhood is so mutch shame, playing the victim is having no shame.

[dv]

It amazes me the mind of a Narcissist, their ability to control and manipulate, how exhausting this must be to keep these thoughts in your mind constantly being paranoid, controlling people living with the voices. I get exhausted just thinking about it. Excellent video! certainly pertains to my life!

[petralee]

My ex always told me: “A pussy hair pulls a battleship!” Another example of a veiled threat - if you don’t do xyz, then xxxx happens…. Which, no matter how hard I tried, still happened … devaluation, discard … etc
Now, many years later, I am thinking: “It’s a broke ass battleship if it needs pulling!” No thanks. I am powering my own ship - full steam ahead

[csanchez]

I belonged to a FB group from a while. I learned a lot. I was just putting a name to my relationship. But once I spent some time there I saw the abuse. The admin would message each other behind the scenes to gang up on a posting member.
When I questioned their methods and pushed back, I was asked to leave.

[lawrencebergstrom]

It truly is deeply upsetting and heart rending. That a young child is so brutalised they cannot grow to that of a healthy adult but remain a deeply unloved, unsupported, un grown child due to adult abuse, negativity and obscene neglect. The polarity of the grown adult driven by the agenda of a fearful, anxious, insecure child, hard wired into the psyche ..

[nania]

I especially liked the explanations for the projections, aggrandizements, all the confabulations and their extensive list of rights and wrongs . They were always difficult for me to understand. It makes sense that they stem from a lacking sense of self (why nothing comes from their hearts) and dissociations with severe memory gaps.

[SarrenGames]

This video was extremely well timed for me. My spouse recently told me that she never knew me before, but that she was interested in getting to know me. I think she has split the 'old me' as all bad and the 'new/future me' as (hopefully) all good. I think and hope that I have improved my apology and empathy skills during this time, but I have not fundamentally changed. I know I will continue to be the same source of trauma for her moving forward in the same ways I always have. And I realize that I'm not too comfortable continuing in a relationship with someone who was apparently unable to really get to know me after years together.

[ginafarley]

Thank you, this explains why people with a maternal or paternal instinct are more vulnerable. We don’t get angry. How could you hurt a child? We soften when we sense the lost child, and we want to protect. It throws us off as 30:12 to what’s really going on.

[SatriaBurg]

OMG, everything or even every single alphabet you said exactly matched the father of our daughter. Is like you are the CCTV IN HIS BRAIN. GENIUS GENIUS Beyond GENIUS!

[nania]

Great presentation, thank you. I have indeed seen support groups that insidiously used sarcasm and irony to describe narcissistic behaviors and went on to teach how to exert vengeance on them.