Children of the Narcissist - The Scape Goat

In this video Darren Magee discusses the role of the scape goat, a child raised in a narcissistic family, which often operates like a cult, who is held responsible for all the misery and discontent of the narcissistic parent and family. Sometimes referred to as the black sheep of the family, this child is often scorned, ignored and / or ridiculed and has to endure narcissistic rage and contempt from the parents. They can even find them selves being mobbed by the whole family at times.

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#narcissism #scapegoat #narcissisticfamily

[DarrenFMagee]

The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.

[leluefran]

As a child, I had the lead role in a play in elementary school with a very long monologue. Because I had a photographic memory, I didn't have to learn the text - unlike the golden-child sister, who always had to practice everything and showed less talent. My mother was outraged by my success! She found that my triumph was not valid and that no one should praise me! Moreover, she complained to my teacher that she had the "pedagogical incompetence" to support my laziness! The teacher then behaved in a distant manner... I remember that after all this I was confused to the maximum, felt like a fraud and even more isolated, lonely and helpless than already.

[taniab]

Good point about the scapegoat being funny. I was funny and self depreciating. My mom would pick and choose when she thought I was funny or when she decided it was disrespectful. You are never safe to be yourself with the narcissist, you never know when they are going to strike. One set of rules for them and a different set for me.

[Lolajaye]

You’ve said some nice true things about us ostracised neglected battered scapegoats

[taraarrington]

I remember getting straight A's and it was seen as no big deal but when I started getting C's around 11 or 12 all of a sudden they paid attention.

[daleh]

Darren, I’ve watched a lot of therapists on YouTube, some not helpful at all, others like yourself, very good. I am 63 years old, my wife is 68, been married for 33 years. My marriage is the most unhappy portion of my life because my wife has displayed personality disorders from the beginning. I could write a very thick text book!! You explain things better than most, and you really have helped me with my coping skills. I just wanted you to know how appreciative I am for your videos and your sensible direction to those of us who need the help. I cannot thank you enough.

[suzannebunbury]

Thank you, your message was informative and helpful. ❤️

[genevievebelanger]

I am a familly scapegoat but I would like to add a think or two as I was different than what you described as "how the scapegoat was when he/she was a child".

Personnally, I was more reserved (almost shy) with others due to a total lack of self-confidence. I was discrete, trying not to get any kind of attention as feared it was going to be somehow desagrable or even dangerous. I had very few friends (not many) as the result of my social anxiety, but those who were my friends where ordinary and very ok people.

As the only way I could get positive attention was in school, I was a good student most teachers appreciated. Maybe I was lucky. The school has made such a positive difference in my life!

I have been the scapegoat only at home and no where else. This difference helped me understand something was off with my familly as things were so different between my home and the outside world. It made me so confused! I didn't know who to believe... who was right.
This life experience made me indecisive, hesitant, questionning everything and very inquisitive (maybe a little too much sometimes). It is my way to try to get to the bottom of things and gain back an understanding of the world that make sence. It's a way to fight the confusion that prevail in such families.

[NoMoreHeroesAnymore]

I can't be the only one here who was essentially raised by Atreyu, Spock, Falkor, The Childlike Empress and yes, The Doctor, who finds your "it's Tenth if you squint a little" feel to be such a lovely comfort. And no it's NOT just the accent: that helps, but it's your gentle open heart and understanding and wish to make everyone around you the best person they can be, and that feel of you as being CALM and safe. Thank you for doing what you do.

[kirschrot]

Dear Darren F Magee! First, I love your accent, 2nd I really appreciate your messages in your videos. You have made me a binge watcher of your videos. Your advise has already helped me. Thank you! And I love the series Father Ted

[amandatarkington]

My narc mother did-inherited me 6 months before she died. WHO does this to their only child after I have put on an award winning performance so that she can brag about how I accomplished I am!!! Beyond NOT missing her at all!

[jorgevalllllllll]

I think youve just described my situation, i’ve never heard about this concept but i think it’s very accurate

[glendaanderson]

I'm that scapegoat who turned to humor to keep it sane, even as a child ...

[authentictothecore]

You did a good job on this one. You explained me well.

[kryptonica]

Excellent videos! So well done, concise and easy to understand!

[forrestfey]

What Dr Phil calls the squeaky wheel. Someone that shows that all is not well.

[carmenrae]

I would jokingly call myself the "white sheep" of the family. They didn't go to church, but i did voluntarily when i was 12. I was the youngest of 4 and grew hearing all the ways my older siblings hurt my mother. I grew up trying impress her and show her how good i was but it was never enough. I wouldn't call her a narrssist, but she definitely subconsciously put us in these categories. Ironically, my oldest sister still believes i was the golden child, but she definitely was and i was definitely scapegoat. Guess i still am

[creativelife]

Another well presented and explained video. Will you be continuing this series on other roles in the narcissistic family?

[krisb.]

My sister almost mentally abused me to death so I won’t see them again. But my husband and son are terrific and we have a healthy family.

[Ronin]

I was the scape goat.
Adopted and told all my life I was the “bonus child”
Developmentally delayed.
Reactive attachment disorder
Ptsd from my birth parents
ADHD

I wasn’t allowed to have a voice.

I wanted learn martial arts as a child mom said they couldn’t afford it
Yet my brother had all the best baseball gear, batting cage money, expensive traveling team that traveled all over Europe. Best Football gear, bought his car, helped him rebuild it, he did not do this for me.