HOW TO Talk To Kids About Narcissism

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[UnstableYT-uk]

Just hire Dr Ramani as a guest speaker for every elementary school out there.

[ceilconstante]

It's dangerous to tell a child an adult in their life is a Narcissist. Definitely call out the behavior as "not nice" but if the child repeats to the adult that word, there's going to be Hell to pay.

[Rob_TheOne]

3:00 I live this everyday. This is a heavy subject, my kids no long see grand parents. I don't want my kids exposed to the toxicity. Hard decision to make, but we are trying to be better than our toxic abusive parents.

[thecustodian]

I grew up under narcissistic parenting and I was apparently the family scapegoat for anything that happened or was imagined to have happened. I didn't even know it until I got out and put some distance between them and myself.

I'm 49 years old and a survivor of life long narcissistic abuse.

[lunacar]

This is a great idea. I was eight years old when I was introduced to my now ex brother-in-law. He would be very condescending towards me and make fun of me. As a child all I understood was that he was a mean man. I never liked him. I wish my family understood this when I was a child and protected me from him. I always had anxiety around holidays and their visits because I knew he was coming over.

[Kris-lu]

Dr. Ramani for the Nobel Peace Prize! Thank YOU!!

[cijmo]

I think the worst thing my mum did (she was an angel and made very few mistakes LOL) was to excuse my dad's behavior to people. "That's just his way", "he didn't mean it", "it's the time/way he grew up" etc. Bullshit. I will not let anyone excuse someone else's bad behavior (unless it's a very small child who knows no better and the mother apologizes). If it's a spouse apologizing for the other or a parent for an adult kid - I just tell them "Oh, you don't have to apologise for them. My mum apologised for my dad all his life and he never learned to not hurt people."

[kg]

I had this talk with my eleven-year-old daughter and had no choice but to do so she wonders why when she knows her dad told her one thing he tries to make her think he said something completely different. He is famous for telling people what they want to hear versus really coming through on what he says and then once he's called out on it manipulates it to make that person think that what they heard is incorrect. My daughter knows that she is always to trust herself knowing that what she heard is correct she knows that it is okay to call him out but then to let It Go because it will go down a rabbit hole. I refuse to let him destroy her like he destroyed me I know that she loves her dad because that is her dad so I do not talk bad in that way but when she asked me the why's I do give her advise on how to deal with so she does not feel like she is going crazy. It is such a shame thay we have to watch our kids deal with this but at the same time I think she will be very prepared for what she may deal with in many aspects of her life as she goes into adulthood.

[Kris-lu]

What I learned in childhood:
Ariel taught me to sell my voice.
Jasmine taught me to forgive the liar.
Bell taught me to stay with the predator.

[teresaphillips]

I honestly believe they should start teaching children at a young age about red flags and toxic people/situation’s, if they are aware of what to look for the conversation would be a lot different, and they wouldn’t be asking as many questions as much as they would be pointing out things that they have learned. My husband and his entire family are very narcissistic and my youngest daughter has had to grow up in a vipers nest blaming herself for being in the middle of it. I just feel like it would’ve been a lot easier to explain to her what was happening if she had some prior knowledge and she wouldn’t of been left so brokenhearted when she was manipulated, controlled, brainwashed, and then betrayed by her closest family members

[sgoldste]

Interesting topic. I'd like you to continue this topic discussing how to have this conversation with adult children. When my ex (a covert narc) and I divorced seven years ago after a 28-year marriage, I was very confused. It wasn't until after the divorce that I quite accidentally stumbled upon the topic of emotional manipulation, which quickly led me to the topic of covert narcissism, which then quickly led me to your content. My kids were 24 and 21 at the time of our divorce. Since they grew up in a home where dad was being manipulated by mom, I wanted them to understand what I was learning about covert narcissism so that they could protect themselves not only from their mom's tactics, but also from anyone else who might treat them this way (partners, friends, co-workers, etc.). This could be a good "Am I the asshole?" topic. Did I throw their mom under the bus by discussing her covert strategies with our kids? Yes, but that wasn't my goal. I was actually trying to teach them about something I wish I understood decades earlier.

[honorsherman]

I didn’t know what narcissism was until well into adulthood. In school someone said something about a guy who looked in the mirror and was all into his appearance.

[AlexisDouFlo]

This is so important! With my 5 yo I've been debating how/what to explain... It's definitely more complicated than "he's not a nice person", because with his fakeness and love-bombing, she's been confusing things and now going after kids and people who are mean and gaslighting to her and I've been wanting to shed light! Thanks AGAIN, Dr. Ramani

[melacord]

Not only I didn' t gaslight my son, but when he was 16yo I showed him one of your videos about narcissism. He told me that it was exactly what he was feeling about his dad. We were both suffering. I didn't have to talk very much further, the boy is very intutive.
When their relation deteriorated badly, I decided to separate, supported by my son . He rejected his dad enterily from that point on, he didn't want to pass over the physical abuse. And I think he is right, even if sometimes I am astonished by his firm decision.( he is 18 now).
Of course I wondered if I was too direct, but as time goes by and my now ex spouse is showing no understanding, regret or intention to assume any bad behavior...I think we will be ok.
I hope I did the right thing..!
As my son says : I don't know if we are above mistake, but clearly we are better without him...

[valeriehowden]

Great topic! I had to go no contact 7 years ago but was unsure how to discuss with our child who was about 8 at the time. there wasn't alot of contact before, maybe 6 times per year at most, but occasionally their names came up. When our child was 12, I explained that the lies were getting worse over time and no apologies were given when caught in the act. I didn't get into the major dysfunctionality. Our child is very intuitive and realized the stress my relatives caused us. Labelling just the bad behaviour was a perfect jumping off point. Kids often understand more than we give them credit for.

[AlexisDouFlo]

What I'm taking from this video the most:
• Keep learning tools to improve the communication with children about narcs. It's not easy or simple to talk about toxic behavior with children.
• Let them observe and never gaslight them in behalf of the narc (like "they're family, so we can't say anything", or "they're not that bad").

But there's so much more 🙌🏽🤍

[goldilocks]

Yes .. I have really learned this too. Stay focused on the behaviour. Any type of (n-word) labelling has the strong tendency to shut conversations down. (Not just with children, but anybody.) With kids, I also think it is really important to convey the idea of not taking the narcissistic behaviour personally. Make sure they know it is about the narcissistic person, not them.

[carparthero]

as a scapegoat child (age 49 as of now), while i never had kids, if i did - i would never leave the kids with my parents for even a new york minute. i wouldn't want to give them the opportunity to ruin another kid's life.

one of the biggest heartbreaks in life is when a child sincerely likes and trusts a person, be it a grandparent, or whichever family member. and that person is self-absorbed, mean and abusive.

for those with kids and narc family members, this was def an excellent video with great advice from dr. ramani, really enjoyed it.

cheers 🍻from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[ashleyr]

We went another route. We cut out the narcissistic family members. It wasnt an easy choice but necessary especially with my narcissistic mother. I could not have my children grow up hearing the things she said to me and others and have them think it was normal. I could not let her destroy their self esteem too. Just recently we have done the same with my brother as well for similar reasons. My heart goes out to those dealing with narcissistic co parents though and I hope you all find a way to navigate it with minimal damage to yourself and children.

[stevecoleman]

We realised there was something very wrong with my mother many years ago. We didn't have a name for it then but we knew we had to limit the time our young children spent with her. We ended up having to move interstate with work. When the opportunity came to move back we didn't. It's safer that way. Our children are now adults and have no contact with her. Their choice completely. We also are now grandparents and are happy she doesn't see the little ones either.
Way too toxic. The rest of us are very caring loving empathetic and emotionally mature. We don't need to add that immaturity, manipulation, trying to use people, childishness and grandiosity to our family. Definitely the correct decision. Your podcast just confirmed that with me. Thank you so much. Regards Angela Coleman ❤