The narcissist and the golden child (Narcissistic Family Roles)

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[carolinelaronda]

Often times the golden child grows up to be more damaged emotionally and mentally than the scapegoat. I was the scapegoat my sister was the golden child . I think I’m more capable of living life more authenticity than my sister as a result .

[champen]

Being a golden child who broke the cycle of narcissism, I actually feel physically I comfortable when people tell me I am a good person.

I know that my narcissistic parent believes themselves to be a model of good personhood, and I worry that if I let myself feel confident in my kindness, it will blind me to my flaws.

My therapist, who actually has taken your course, has helped me accept I am not like my mother. She showed me that if I'm a narcissist, we have to change the definition of narcissism to accommodate me, and I'm really shitty at being one.

Thank you for all of this work you do. It's helped me do so much work on myself.

[GabrielsTears]

That was my sister. She could do no wrong. She is now even worse a narcissist then our mother. I cut he out of my life many years ago and she will never be a part of my life ever. I am the family scapegoat.

[JagjotSinghNonDuality]

When my wife announced our first pregnancy to my parents, my mother’s first response was “Don’t worry it will be a boy”. Narcissism is rampant in Indian families and is not talked about. Couple of months later we were blessed by the birth of a baby girl.

[Tina-oegr]

The golden child often ends up being highly narcissistic themselves.They end up believing that they are more special than the scapegoat, and they enjoy being in this role because of their own insecurities. The golden child doesn´t realize that the parent couldn´t care less about them either.

[catc]

Im truly embarrassed for my GC younger sibling. She is stunted emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I am the Scapegoat who broke all the generational curses, grew into a big beautiful butterfly. The pathological envy is outrageous with the GC they grew up believing they are the best. It really pisses them off when you heal and they can't control you lol.

[nonamejenkins]

I'm a former golden child. It changed when I 1. stopped performing well at school due to depression, and 2. started questioning my parents decisions and advocating for my SG older sister who I loved very much and looked up to.

Unfortunately, her resentment from childhood lead to her happily participating in the bullying when our roles switched. She's pretty narcissistic herself now too. But nowadays I'm glad that I didn't keep the GC role, even though I suffered a lot. Because I do like the way I am now, and I love being free from their toxic system.

Edit: typo

[sylviadelong]

Well, my sibling does NOT regret or feel guilty about being the golden child. She subtly participates in the abuse and attempts to pass it off as love and concern. What a crock! Thank you for the info.

[vladynick]

My older sister was "the Golden Child". She grew up to be a 100% exceptionally gorgeous, but 100% narcissist, 100% hypochondriac, 100% suffering from anxiety disorder, 100% dependent, 100% self-absorbed, 100% mean-spirited. She simply ignored me, I just didn't exist to her. I was the scapegoat who left them all behind at age 19 to achieve, succeed, accomplish and be whole, all on my own and via my own initiative.

[alinasky]

I was the golden child but I didn’t know on a conscious level that all regard was conditional. I had so much anxiety my entire adulthood about failing. I felt so much guilt and shame about the idea of failing but I did not know it was my mother instilling this in me. I actually thought she loved me wanted the best for me. She was ruining my life.

[Erikprc]

Ignore them forever! People, cars, jobs, money, and etc come and go. Life goes on so move forward!

N O C O N T A C T !

[elisangelamilitao]

I was the golden child, but sometimes I became the scapegoat too. I was bullied by my father, my brother (the scapegoat) and also by my classmates at school. I was psychologically abused. I learned that I always had to agree with my father, that’s the reason that I was the golden child. The results: I’m super perfectionist, I have problems with anxiety and CPTSD symptoms. I’m reading the book CPTSD - From surviving to thriving and I really recommend this book.

[romanbrandle]

I was the golden child but rather than getting any reward or special treatment I was pressured to achieve more, and got all the unwanted attention from my narcissistic father . It broke my spirit and I left home when I was sixteen, I have struggled all my life with low self esteem which in turn led to drug and alcohol abuse . My scapegoat brother resented me for a long time, but we had along talk about our childhood and after understanding the unhealthy family dynamic we've become good friends .

[CheleBadoo]

I was the golden child. I grew up thinking I was exceptionally smart, because my mom praised my schoolwork and grades. It was some of the only praise I got, especially after I lost the charm of being the "cute little girl." I did well in school, not because I was incredibly bright, but because I liked being at school and away from my abusive home. My mom was just happy I could pretend to be normal around other people so as to not draw attention to her parental lacking. When I started college, I was shocked to fail my placement testing twice and be required to take remedial classes. I realized that I always struggled with reading comprehension and that my learning flaws were ignored or denied as a child and teen. I learned to fake understanding and was convincing enough to even fool myself well into my adult years. Now at 37, I am finally being treated for ADHD.

[fatimahagh]

I'm getting my PhD on narcissism by following this channel 😂
and thanks for your work Dr.Ramani☺️❤️

[annabee]

My golden child older bro: "Why can't you just listen to Mom and do what she says?" (...as he shakes his head at me in pity)

Me: "Why can't you just think for yourself?" (...as I walk away from them for the last time feeling sorry for the both of them)

[alexandramaria]

We don’t need golden or scapegoat children. We need children with the necessary tools to become healthy adults, and that depends on us, parents, to give them all of that. If you can't be a mature emotional parent, please don't have kids!

Have a good new week!

Alexandra

[fayevibar]

It's clear already. I was the golden child back then because I outperformed my siblings. But in reality, I was outperforming because I was stressed with my parents and I needed an outlet where I can let out my emotions and they always took credit for my achievements. Boast it onto other people but I never really felt that they accepted me genuinely as a person. Then I started college, my depression showed even more so I slowly had bad grades, there, I was discarded then turned into scapegoat and my other sibling took the throne happily. This made me spiraled down more onto depression. Gosh. Narcissistic family dynamics is just freaking sick. Damn.

[believeroftheword]

What I take away from watching these videos several years removed from the abuse: I am safe and I am grateful. I think I mostly watch you now to make sure I will never be anyone's victim/scapegoat again.

[mariamhenen]

I am the oldest of three. I was always the golden child. Growing up I had a passion for learning so I naturally did well in school. My mom and dad boasted about my achievements while disregarding my hard work. I was manipulated into working extra hard because if I didn’t, I would be shamed for it. I would spend hours everyday working hard, reading books, and solving problems, but my parents would never acknowledge that. They only cared about the final result to boast about it to other family members. My dad was abusive towards my mom, and my mom would talk to my siblings and I about him all day long. She would mention how narcissistic and horrible he is. Turns out, she was more of a narcissist than he will ever be. I was fooled by her and always felt like he was the problem, while she was the victim. Although I admit my dad is a horrible person, my mom was far worse. For years she would look innocent and kind to the public (mostly at church and in front of family members) because she would help people and sacrifice her time and her family for it (all superficial), while at home she was very very cold and mean. I took on some of her traits because I was the closest to her as the golden child title remained. I feel so ashamed that for years I was mean and basically a narcissist myself. I learned to forgive and love myself because I was just a child thrown into a toxic dynamic. And now as an adult I have the responsibility to reshape my personality. After realizing this, I stopped telling them about anything I achieved. Sadly, my younger sister still sees me as the old “golden narcissistic child, ” but I truly feel so guilty for the mean things I said in the past. I was angry, resentful, and convinced I was unable to ever feel love. I cried watching this video because it speaks so much truth to me. I hope one day my siblings will realize the toxicity that our parents put us through and I hope they forgive me for taking on some of those traits without being self aware.

Lastly, for any scapegoat children reading this. I’m sorry. I know how it feels. I wish my comment gives you an insight on how the golden children think and feel. There is no excuse for becoming narcissists ourselves, but we are also survivors just like you. It is very hard to see through our parents’ manipulative behaviors. It takes so much self awareness and courage to admit we are wrong and to finally forgive our parents and ourselves and move on.