Different ways CO-PARENTING with a NARCISSIST plays out

ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"

JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM

JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK

GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS

SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST

LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[benjaminlawler]

I have a crazy story to tell one day. 13 years married, my daughter was taken away after I separated, could t even see her because of claims. Fast forward to now, I have 90% physical custody granted yesterday.

[JeniferJ.Johnson]

After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!

[youngblood]

Mental screenings should be mandatory, before becoming a parent.

[catherinehuffman]

co parenting does not exist with a narcissist. These people do not care about their children. They use them or discard them altogether. Love is not there.

[sushmayen]

Limit communication. Your parenting partner may try to get your attention by over-communicating. ...

[numa]

I feel like this person touches all of the things, but mostly unfit. One thing is clear, move in silence always. Strategy is always your ally, chess, not checkers.

[mariellarobles]

The blessing is my kids are grown. But all the time they were growing up I didn't really know what I was up against. Everything he could destroy about me he did. My kids saw a sad, depressed broken mom. Now as they are adults they are good people and I understand now that I did the best I could despite everything he tried to destroy me. I am extremely proud of the outcome. Some Days I look back and wonder how am I still here. I don't really fight anymore unless it can hurt my kids well-being. My focus now is healing and rebuilding my self esteem.

[Luckymillion]

The legal system does not care if you are being "stalked"

[bryonyvaughn]

I wish I’d known this before I filed for divorce. I was functionally a single parent for the last decade of my marriage and he fought like h*** for the kids while illegally cutting my access to money to fight for them. Everything else I got though. So many years of tearing pain. Five years later, even the children he groomed against me know which parent is honest, living, committed, reliable, enjoys being with them, and will always show up for them. No one can take it that long.

[natalieburris]

Make the good fight, but definitely limit communication, document stuff and learn about counter parenting and parallel parenting. Just shut them down, don’t talk to them, only tell them the minimum. They will ramp up, but sometimes, eventually, they just get tired of it. Brings so much more peace during this ridiculous process.

[bffvintage]

I always said he hates me more than he loves his child so anyway he could cause drama or problems he would even at the detriment to a little kids mental health.

[ericgavidia]

11 years of family court, I have said time again that I can actually deal with the Narc, but it's been the family court that's the REAL problem. A must watch documentary: Divorce Corp.

[leilagomulka]

Thank you for reminding me, I’m not alone. Thank you for being here.

[SailorMomma]

0:00 Intro

1:18 Fighting for your children - the lion/lioness or bear/shark parent - don't show the narcissist your hand

4:32 Fighting while depressed/have other MH struggles - the seemingly hopeless parent - please seek therapy and support

7:12 Fighting for justice - the make things "right" at any cost parent - may exhaust all resources without enough to show for it

9:40 Not fighting - the indifferent/karmatic parent - may have missed opportunities to help your children

11:02 Pick your battles - the strategic parent - planning, knowledgeable, realistic, has support/therapy/resources

12:53 Summary

14:50 Outro

[inthehouse]

Thanks for this Dr. Ramani. I worked quietly behind the scenes with my narc co-parent, writing the parenting agreement, filing it with the courts, attending classes at organizations for abused mothers, going to support groups, educating myself, etc. The co-parent was so ignorant of the process and disengaged when our child was a baby that he went along with everything. But, as our child got older, he started treating parenting like a competitive sport. He used our child as a pawn to feel like he was "winning" the parenting game. It was disgusting. He found every loophole in the law or the parenting agreement and manipulated it. I was often blind-sided. I don't know how my son survived this, but he is ok as an adult. I am still deeply wounded by the projection, deception and rages of the narc parent and the need to be hyper-vigilant for 17 years. This information you're providing is so vital. I wish I had known about the DEEP technique. Sometimes I used it intuitively. I use it all the time now.

[OldFordTaurus]

I am thankful all the time I didn’t have children with my ex narcissist. I don’t want to have children at all. I probably never will.

[imperfectperfection]

Left over two years ago and he didn’t fight for the kids 15 & 17. I stayed so long to avoid custody battles and it worked. He didn’t want to deal with them and wanted freedom. Saw them one day a week. I never opposed it. Slowly but surely he ruined his relationship with them. Gaslighting them, putting them in dangerous situations trying to be fun dad. Now 17 year old is no contact and 20 year old stays with him to save up to move out with her boyfriend but just tolerates his behaviour. They can’t help but be who they are and the kids figure it out.

[Wonderwhynemui]

Exactly what I’m trying right now. I pretend that I am enjoying time while my kids are away. I dress up and looking nice when I drop my kids off to him on Fridays. He started reacting differently now. I’m hoping he lose his interest and motivation in his custody and visitation times.

[channelpink]

DUDE how do you always know what I'm going through! I thought I was opening the door to be cordial with my ex by telling him how happy it made me to see him with our child, and how I really get to rest and get time to myself when our child is with him. Suddenly he stopped getting her.

[nickt.]

My motto is — no justice, only peace — when parenting with a narcissist. Fighting for justice is futile. It’s not easy but you have to strive to become the Strategic Parent described @ 11:05 to find peace.