Ghosting: Why Some People Just Disappear

We find ghosting in romantic relationships, friendships and even the workplace. It can be hurtful – and you can be better.

Humans are complicated: a tangled web of amazing biology and bad behaviours. This illustrated field guide will equip you with the necessary tools to navigate the lying, jealous and judgmental tendencies of your fellow humans. This week we explore ghosting, where people cut off contact with the silent treatment.

This episode was written by Bahar Gholipour and filmed by Dominique Taylor. Animations by Vanessa Hill. Thanks to Acapella Science for the title suggestion!

REFERENCES 📚

[JoryBlake]

I ghosted everyone, now I'm alone...true story

[Drudenfusz]

It is better to be ghosted than to stuck with a vampire that just sucks the life out of you.

[isixqueenxofxmadness]

I once ghosted a long-time friend because everytime we got together she spoke really bad about my life and partner, and every time I tried to confront her she blamed it on me for not being able to see how wrong all my life was. I ended up just cutting off all interaction, I couldn't handle the toxicity anymore. Ignored her and blocked her everywhere. I must say, I really live a happier life now that she is out of it =/

[bigghoss]

When I ghost someone I literally ghost them by dying in their house and haunting them forever.

[alexkolberg]

My ex ghosted me after a month long relationship. It was definitely the hardest thing I've dealt with in my personal romantic life, despite how short the relationship was.

[Kenjibudo]

Now you're just somebody that I used to know.

[novastar]

This has happened to me by several different people.


They’re dead to me.

[ResortDog]

Inability to handle conflict in a healthful

[dvklaveren]

The most painful experience that I've had in my life is being ghosted by someone who expressed her suicidal thoughts to me. She ghosted me for about a year or a year and a half and I left messages to make sure that she was alright.

She came back to me in the end. I won't lie, before she ghosted me, I was an angsty autistic teenager in love with a girl on the other side of the world and I could actually understand that she had been convinced by someone to ghost me. It was still hard on me, though.

I've had to be very up front with her and say that, even though I understood why she ghosted me, it's also a way that she hurt me that I may never be able to forget. And that if she ever did it again, that that would indicate to me that we're not good friends for each other.

It's a hard thing to deal with. It's a weird, modern thing.

[morbid.]

if you don't have friends you won't get "ghosted"

[falconfira]

I've done this when I've been really depressed.

[tjable]

Someone who ghosts people doesn't deserve a relationship.

[thijsjong]

There is no conflict to avoid. The relationship Just slowly bleeds out and becomes meh. There is Just nothing to say. It Just peeters out.

[simplejoyyys]

If someone truly cares he wont ghost at all. IMO.being ghosted is an awful way of breaking up it hurts more,

[hotsistersue]

I had a friend of 10 years suddenly ghost me. I still don't know why and probably never will. It's rather cruel, to be honest, because it does hinder the ability of the ghosted to move on. Even if you are afraid of conflict, send a message saying what you think and then if you want to cut off contact then, go ahead. At least you let the person know what the problem was.

[LIVdaBrand]

Idc that you ghosted me, just let me know that you ghosted me so that I can delete you from my life from coming back lol

[Chinchilla_in_the_Villa]

Basically that person is extremely insecure, and has no respect for others because they don't respect themselves.

[asgaeroth]

i ghosted everyone i ever met in 2008 and couldn't be happier. solitude is bliss.

[ThatFunkyMusic]

Ghosting is cowardly behavior, no matter who does it. It's like the ultimate act of passive aggression.

[ThePhoenixpaw]

If you're ostracised often or long enough, ghosting becomes the new norm.
Unlearning that takes time.