Why You Got Ghosted... | Russell Brand

What can we learn from being ghosted?
What's your experience with it?

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Produced by Jenny May Finn (Instagram: @jennymayfinn)

[Lkb]

The cruelty of ghosting is that you have to invent the reason for it, because that person has failed to explain it to you, and usually it’s your deepest insecurities that become in your mind the ultimate truth.

[elleboogie]

“I have over calculated my significance to that person.” Profound.

[lisagreen]

After being ghosted by someone I loved . I promise, I will never, ever ...EVER ghost a single soul. It's just so cruel 🥺💔

[nylabell]

Unless it’s to escape abuse, ghosting someone with whom you’ve been in an intimate relationship is nothing more than an act of cruelty & a reflection of poor character.

[Fariha]

“I have over calculated my significance to that person and I misunderstood their perception of our relationship. I’m therefore going to alter my perception of this relationship” - I couldn’t have said that any better.

[madebytiwari]

Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. ~ Dalai Lama

[giblesp]

If you've treated someone with respect and they've ghosted, there's only one thing to do. Move on. What their reasons are, are irrelevant. The right person, will never ghost you, so nothing lost.

[robynfree]

For me Russell the problem with being 'ghosted' is the discovery that a person is not whom you thought they were in terms of honesty, openness and personal integrity. And yes indeed the healthy thing is to let them go on their way.

[MindsetWithJosh]

Choose people who also choose you. If someone ghosts you, then they aren't choosing you.

[aIVIis]

The problem with ghosting isn't that a single person's expectations weren't met and they got hurt. The problem is that, in our time, human relationships seem to become more and more transactional and detached from any responsibility. It's difficult to tell someone you don't want to continue seeing them -> just ignore them until they "get it". Ghosting is a problem of societal emotional barbarism and not just a problem of an individual's ego getting hurt.

Would anyone dare to ignore a person that is talking to them in real life? Very unlikely. However, just because we don't see a person right before us doesn't mean the situation changes. You know what changes with distance, though? Our ability to show empathy. That's why the Nazis invented killing methods that didn't require their soldiers to directly commit the murders and hear the victim's cries and begging and see their bloody corpses. Because it turns out that fucked them up psychologically. So they detached the murderer from the victim and, voila, killing became easy. How does this relate to ghosting? Well, ghosting only happens because of the distance the phone brings between the two people who (used to) communicate with each other. As stated before, no one in their right mind would ignore another person in real life like that because we have this cool superpower called empathy that would make us feel really shitty if we did.

Ghosting is a troubling social phenomenon that all of us need to take seriously. It's easy to think that one person not responding to a needy other person isn't a big deal. But when you look behind the curtain and see that a lack of empathy is behind it all, the implications become much more real. What's next? Is it ok in the future to leave your partner without breaking up with them? Is it going to be o.k to just abandon your family when they get tiresome? Will the prases "counting on someone", "having someone's back", "trusting someone with your life" lose all meaning for the next generations? Is that something we want?

All of us, but especially role models for our youth, need to clearly condemn behavior such as ghosting. Caring for others, no matter if they are our closest friend or someone we just met, needs to become cool again. We love stories where the protagonist is helped in a desperate situation by the chance stranger who cares. How about we are that stranger for once and amass the courage and sense of responsibility that one needs to give another person bad news. Yes, firing someone is hard. Yes, telling someone you don't want to hang out anymore is hard. Yes, breaking up with someone is hard. But that doesn't mean one can avoid it by disappearing.

I don't know about you, but I want a future where people care for one another and feel a sense of social responsibility towards others. And maybe the first step towards that is acknowledging that technology has a major impact on our emotional development and perhaps we need to design it in a way that doesn't lead to an atrophy of empathetic ability. Ghosting is certainly a huge warning sign that we are on that exact path as a society.

*** EDIT ***

[lauratovar]

I had never been ghosted in all my life I’m 45 years old and I just got ghosted after 7 months of a relationship. I think it’s the ugliest evil thing a person can do! Immature and cowardly the worst! I went thru a roller coaster of emotions😞😔 I’m better now thank god and my faith I’ve healed but now I see things differently. Be very aware and read the signs take care of yourself of not getting hurt, honestly humanity is getting worse.

[tonyabrookes]

This is why I no longer date. People can flip like switches with no explanation. I don't have the time or energy to "gamble". Life is too short

[lucilapereira]

Ghosting is awfull. Makes the other person feel alone and ignored for no reason. I'm being ghosted and I'm truly Sad.

[joestar]

You shouldn't beg ANYONE to be in your life. If they don't want to associate with you, move forward, no matter how much it hurts.

[DarkWandererAU]

Just remember, people who are capable of ghosting have to live with themselves 24/7

[kind-hearted-thievesjoe]

When I was dating, I always had so much respect for the women who just told me they didn't want to see me again. It cut the chord and stopped me wondering whether they were busy, or they'd lost my number etc etc. And I never felt hurt that I wasn't "good enough/suitable" for them, because I knew that one day I'd be good enough/suitable for someone else.

[jaxx-inspiregrowcreate]

Being ghosted is only bringing you closer to the person you're meant to be with

[AcousticAce]

"Take that as an indicator that you have formed a non-reciprocal connection" - that was exactly it. Thanks Russell

[janosiadam]

I've literally been ghosted after asking "How have you been lately?".
Pretty sad and immature, not gonna lie.

[wolfie]

I was ghosted by someone in 2010. It was a HORRIBLE way to end what we had. I kept calling because I wanted to straighten it out and resolve and he ignored my calls. He behaved as a huge coward that day. I deleted him from my mind because I REFUSED to feel all the horrible feelings I was feelings as I knew I didn't deserve it. 7 yrs later he died from a rare blood protein disorder. So he's truly a ghost now.