How to Get Over the Pain of Being Ghosted

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Have you ever been a victim of the most painful kind of ghosting . . . where you’re haunted by the fact that you never got closure with someone?

It’s the sort of thing that can consume your thoughts as you obsessively look over the final exchange you had with the person and enlist your friends to help you dissect it, hoping they can spot a clue you might have missed.

The reality is that this need for clarity and closure is a bid for control in a situation where you have none. Not only that, but every time you allow your thoughts to head in that direction, it’s another scratch at a wound that wants so badly to heal.

In today’s brand-new video, I give you the tools you need to move on for good from this kind of ghosting, including a text message you can send . . . not to get closure from them but to give yourself the closure you need.

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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 – 2:00 – The Pain of Ghosting
2:00 – 2:55 – The Dangers of Rumination
2:55 – 4:14 – Different Versions of Ghosting
4:14 – 5:51 – Sample Script to Get Clarity
5:51 – 7:31 – We Tend to Look for “Story”
7:31 – 8:55 – Why They’re Not the Right Person for You
8:55 – 10:00 – Removing Ego From the Situation
10:00 – 11:12 – The Best Use of Your Time Right Now
11:12 – 12:37 – Who Are You Giving Time to?
12:37 – 14:08 – How to Find a New Story
14:08 – 16:04 – Give Yourself Closure
16:04 – 18:07 – Having a Different Standard
18:07 – 19:25 – Your Dating Solution

[sayuri]

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that when a guy is interested, he doesn't confuse you. And when he ghosts you, it doesn't matter what the reason is, the point is he's just not that into you and the longer you ruminate on it, the longer it will take you to find the right guy. Remember that right now someone is thinking about when he will find someone like you. Let's value the good guys.

[johnsimmons]

Anyone else up at 2am looking at ghosting videos? Stay strong, team :)

[deedeebrecca]

Please, please, please don't contact anyone who has broken all contact with you. Their silence is SCREAMING how they feel about you which is not much. They don't value you or your precious time. Please move on and find someone who can't wait to spend time with you. Someone who can't wait to hear the sound of your voice and who is counting the minutes until they can see you again. He or she is out there waiting for you. I wish anyone who is reading this all of the best. Hugs.

[assplundah]

Ghosting someone you’ve been in a romantic relationship with is emotionally abusive & can have a massively negative impact on the person being ghosted. It’s cowardly & immature behaviour.

[alextorres]

As a man, I just need to take a moment to address this topic. I was ghosted 6 months ago by someone who I loved maybe more than anyone I have ever loved in my life. She told me she loved me and that she would call later...and then never contacted me again.

My problem with ghosting is that it isn't just awful. It is more than that. It is a violation of some unspoken agreement people have with each other that social media allows to happen far easier. This woman and I....have history. We were good together in my opinion. Her ghosting me shattered both my illusion of who I thought she was and a world view I held because of her. She was influential and her thoughts and opinions were ones I held in high regard.

She had health issues. Baggage. Children I'd come to learn so much about. She's gone. Is she well? Is she Ill? Does she hate me now? Was she unhappy in secret? And many more questions that will probably never get answers. The hardest thing about this situation is the new world view I have to construct while also mourning the loss of a relationship that had been a pillar of my foundation.

I care Matthew. Not because I need closure, but because it is decent I feel. It feels like NOT CARING about THIS woman is not just indecent, it feels so wrong to me. All of which im working through.

What I think you should talk about in the future is to not just convince a person why not to give them energy, but also how to properly mourn the relationship lost. Whether it's a random you just met, or a person you've known decades. I don't want to think about her. I don't want to give it energy, but when a huge part of you...a person that helped shape you, is now gone for seemingly no does one learn to live in this brand new alternate life created by this devastating change? That to me is probably a similar feeling felt by anyone ghosted. A new reality born of a person choosing to ignore your existence and letting you KNOW it.

[mattklein]

I just got ghosted and I think it's hilarious. People aren't mature enough to try and resolve any issues at hand.

[pamatkinson]

After being ghosted …. I realized that rejection is protection. I’m so thankful I was “protected” from him.

[partizanmk]

No response is a response. It isn’t a reflection on you but them. Try not to beat yourself up, let go and move on.

[WonderWoman-uyyn]

It's the sudden 180 degrees that I find most painful. One moment you are basking in the glow of this beautiful thing you're building, they tell you you are connected body and soul and they want you to trust them, and they are falling for you. They are completely consistent with their attention to you - then one day.... nothing.

[fionakarbel]

Matthew nails it.
When people ghost, I’ve always thought to myself, I literally would NEVER do that to anyone or treat anyone that way. It is of bad character.
He’s right, that person revealed who they are (their lack of character), and you would not want someone like that, because that shows how they will handle any situation they don’t like, or a conflict- just walk away. No bueno!

[nancygilchrist]

I recently read something that really stopped me in my why-why-why tracks.
If a snake bites you - you don't hunt down the snake to find out why they bit you...instead you focus on finding a way to heal that bite so it doesn't kill you. Same for this... the why doesn't matter, it hurts no matter what, and you don't want to waste time that you could spend on getting better.

[Boems]

I find it extremly weak to ghost someone. It’s like am i not worthy of human decency? I will never understand the act of ghosting.

[thisbrendalee]

The more you do the inner work on self love and realising how 'your person' is someone who is soo interested in you and want to talk to you, spend time with you, make plans with you... you literally do not care if someone ghosts you. It's like good riddance, you can focus your time on someone who is excited by you! You just keep doing you, put yourself out there again and the more you increase your magnetism and self awareness with dating, you stop attracting men who ghost you. You really do. You start attracting high value men.

[ninajones]

This happened to me. I was ghosted by a 'man' in his 40's (so he was supposed to be a 'grown up') but he ghosted me spectacularly after talking for over 5 months, and a pretty pleasant date. It has taken me over 2 years to get over the rejection I felt. I had panic attacks, and started suffering from anxiety too. I know that sounds extreme but that's how I felt. I am absolutely over the whole thing, after 2 and a half years and now im with a man that treats me like a princess. But some people really can cause so much damage by not just being upfront and honest...that's all it takes. It's an awful feeling and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy xx

[YanaWanderlust.]

Ghosting is THE closure. The more I am watching video like this, the more I get it.

[aiya]

5 days ago, I was ghosted by my bf of 7 months, a week before my birthday. It hurts so much. I am depressed, got sick, crying constantly and the worst is I am also blocked with everything. Calls, social media, texts, you name it. I just woke up, and then I’m blocked. I thought of calling him with another number, he also blocked that new number…. And then I received an email saying ‘just move on’.

Just like that…. Just like that…. And I am crying while typing this…

[NerdlySquared]

The closure aspect isn’t too necessary to me. I just don’t like how this whole ghosting trend makes me look at all new people I meet now.

[LauDor]

Rejection always hurts, no matter how strong, confident and independent you are. But Matthew brings up some good points. If you know you're a good person who didn't do anything wrong and some asshat ghosted you, lied, led you on, etc., that's a reflection on them, not you. They don't deserve you.

[dibelgelo]

Best response to ghosting: block them and forget about them.
PS: if all communication happens through texting, and you never bothered to call each other, high probability you never had any meaningful relationship with them anyway.

[Mayfloweralways]

I would add that many times people ghost because they met someone, but they still want to have you on the hook for later. They know if they tell you that they dumped you and were dating someone they liked more, but it didn’t work out, you’re not going to welcome them back. That should be enough to stop anyone from worrying about a ghoster. Just picture them out there having a grand time with someone else. Then picture that when they get dumped, they want the option to run back to you and feel your interest and how you were so worried and thinking about them. It’s about ego and having options for a lot of people that ghost. By leaving everything a mystery, they can still come back and tell any lie they want.