How to Respond to Gaslighting

Gaslighting has become much more known to the general public. The general public are much more well-versed in spotting this behavior often referred to as "crazy-making." Unfortunately, betrayed partners seem to get stuck at knowing the most effective way of responding to gaslighting behavior. In this episode, licensed therapists and betrayal trauma specialists, Carrie and Josh, discuss and demonstrate a few different ways to respond to gaslighting.

[BlinkinFirefly]

My ex would often threaten with "It looks like we need to end the relationship" when the slightest disagreement would come up. Often if I tried to address his hurtful behavior, it's like he would panic and couldn't be held responsible, and would rather end the relationship than face his wrong-doing. He'd use excuses like "We're just too different" when I would say things like "It hurts me when you snap at me". Or "I feel lonely, we're in the same house and you haven't said a word to me all day". He could never see anything he was doing as wrong. He also could never apologize.

[JimTaylor]

Normally I just say to the Gaslighter "Ah!, so you have learned how to gaslight people now".

[Blegh]

i held in my wife's obvious passes at my brother in law for a year and a half. When i couldn't hold it in anymore and confronted her she tried to gaslight me about a very specific situation and convince me i'm crazy. When i said if im having delusions i need to be in a psychiatric care facility, she said i should just call my mother to talk about it. When I said we can ask other people who witnessed the event to see what happened, she said she doesn't "know why we're even talking about this anymore." I don't know how to trust her anymore.

[lilayork]

Currently treating him like a well loved toddler. Barge into the office while I’m on an important business call (jealousy on his part has him constantly bombing my business deals) asking very loudly about where to put the baby wipes. (Seriously?) and I just answer him as if he were a well loved toddler. Oh honey! I’m so glad you found your wipes! You can keep like keep them in the bathroom? (He loves to embarrass me because I occasionally use flushable wipes *roll eyes*)

I have tried therapy, individual and couples, talking to him rationally, writing letters, sharing videos. You name it. At this point it’s either lose my mind or disassociate (bye relationship) and fight back with the beloved addled spouse tactic.

I’m still looking for Healthier ways of living in this relationship and ultimately my life ❤ good luck everyone

[jayjayabr]

I realized that I am guilty of some of this and also a victim of it growing up.

[JB-csjt]

Wouldn't the best way is ignore the gaslighter completely?

[opticalman]

i grew up in a toxic family and my feeling were invalidated

[janetferraro]

Just watching this is comforting. I feel validated. Thank you.

[saschaszpotanski]

Keeping someone on hold is that part of gaslightning as well?

[jekalambert]

Why are you snooping on his phone? That's a betrayal. In good relationships, you don't betray the other person by breaking agreements or by invading their privacy. If someone betrays you, they're not someone you want to be with. If you don't want someone to be defensive, you mind your own business - even if it leaves you vulnerable.

[ellaj]

Way to support folks who nag, play the victim over trivial things and blame shift. Your examples are terrible and supportive of the gas lighter. Everyone has random numbers calling their phone all the time. Whether you answer or not. If it's a I. Whatever. The person in question should be the one who is so insecure that they're asking about a couple of unfamiliar phone numbers on another person's phone. Why do they even have that person's phone without permission? That's called snooping. And that's unacceptable. Let's not forget that more often than not The suspicious party is actually the one committing the betrayal. Going behind someone's back to look in their phone is betrayal in itself. Not to mention pointing out a few trivial phone numbers that may mean absolutely nothing. Is the further attempt to take the focus Off of the person who is claiming to be victimized.. To distract from what they are actually doing to damage the relationship behind the other person's back. The phone example here is a form of projection. Not gas lighting. You tube is not always the best place for information. Go to therapy and see a professional.

[BandanaLady]

Thanks, this will help when dealing with far left activists 😅