communication skills coaching | how to respond to gaslighting at work or home

0:00 What gaslighting sounds like
0:14 The tactics you’ll learn today
0:30 Remember to use your tools
0:45 The goal of the gaslighter
1:00 Stay on message
1:15 The That may be, but . . . + the
Broken Record
2:00 Please participate
2:17 the Setup
2:30 How to position yourself
2:45 Sit side-by-side
3:03 Involve a task
3:30 Why would I do that?
3:45 The Hamburger
4:36 The right kind of closing line
5:06 Using the Odds
5:12 Say it in a loving way
6:07 Narrate the scene
6:40 Slipping back into it
6:50 Remember your tools
7:03 Visual cues are key
7:13 We are either transforming or
conforming

[susie]

Thank you for this! Experienced this from older female work colleagues. Keep a paper record of your interactions with them and call them out on their lies in a calm & respectful manner using the evidence. They quickly stopped after I stood up to them. Gaslighting tells me that a person is quite insecure & manipulative...it usually has nothing to do with the victim they are targeting

[kaabzaub]

I believe you must have been a clairovoyant in your past life time...i was just thinking about how i'm being gaslighted! Thank you for the video.

[bambina]

Thank you Dan. I’ve used the “ that may be but” several times at work and it’s helped me to learn to respond not react. I previously found this extremely difficult, so thank you.

[pamelahough]

I have been following Dan's videos and finally use it with the boss who tried to gaslight me saying I did things all the time and I corrected her and she just shut up. I never called any names like "you're lying" I WAS LASER FOCUS ON THE TOPIC DISCUSSED AND I GOT WHAT I WANT! thanks so much Dan ❤️❤️❤️

[nicolecarnevale]

I love this video Dan. Gaslighters twist and blame the victim and nothing feels worse than a kick when your down. Thanks for teaching effective communication so people can be heard and maybe even understood.

[Terri]

This just came to me when I needed it! I am being bullied at work, LATERAL VIOLENCE. Thank you for this!❤😊

[MsPriyaLal]

I like these transformative approaches.. I go weeks without needing these strategies then all of sudden i'm dealing with a gaslighter I lose my cool and react in their way. I guess the hard part is always being ready to have these approaches..

[helendsilva]

Dan's steps are great. It sounds like a) ego-stroking/genuine + loving b) assert the feeling/behaviour/impact you've experienced c) ego/stroking/genuine + loving and d) inquiry to get permission if the person is interested. D is essential. We must ask for other person's buy-in. If we don't, we are already showing disrespect for the other person and they will not be interested in being helpful in this exchange. We may as well forget undertaking the session altogether.

[SunnyFreemanHomes]

I don’t think the hamburger method or any method addressing those behavior works for narcissists

[SydMountaineer]

While watching a certain high profile trial the past few weeks, I continuously thought that what Dan teaches could've helped to save someone (a celebrity who portrays a pirate) and his ex wife, a TON of problems!

During the trial they played audio & video of conversations & arguments, and in my mind, I thought about how the person could've responded to the abusive statements, according to what Dan teaches - it's enlightening. It's surprising how our culture is so uneducated concerning communication, as it's a VITAL skill.

[sarahlowry]

You are so helpful thanks for sharing this content. It can happen between two women and men too. I love that, “not conforming, but transforming”. I can’t stress enough how woven into your message you should really be encouraging people to have ZERO tolerance for this kind of behavior and how they should turn away, run for the hills, never look back and just move on.

[Youtubewonderer]

Sir, you’re a magician .

You easily disentangle the complexities in my brain regarding handling communication.

Thank you for your generosity, for filling up our communication tool boxes.
(I’m forever thankful for the sense of confidence & ease that I get as a result of learning you’re shared knowledge)
🙏🏻🌷✨❤️✨🌷🙏🏻

[dmasz]

from my experience talking in the car with a narcissist leads to an argument and road rage. dangerous place to be lol

[PurplePinkRed]

Thank you Dan! Nothing is more frustrating than being gaslit. It can be hard to not get upset. Your reality is attempting to be warped by them, and everything that is correct and right is suddenly wrong. I'll be employing these techniques going forward 😊

[ataylor]

Thank you for your knowledge and wisdom. I am learning so much with you videos. This one about gaslighting is great but if you are dealing with a NPD ( I had two, my mother and my ex husband) you can't reason with them. They gaslighting you to get more control over you, to confuse you what is reality and what isn't. They usually add at the end that they are telling you this as they love (care) about you more than anyone else in the world and of course they never leave out telling you that they are your ( mother, husband). " I'm your mother I want the best for you" " I'm your husband I love you more than anyone will ever love you " heard this far too many times. The best option is to get as far away as possible from them. They will destroying your sanity slowly. They enjoy the attention any type, good or bad as long as they get it. Walk away! Stay away! No RUN! No words or reasoning will help. That's long gone in their world. So my advice for someone who gets gaslighted ask yourself if that person is actually a NPD or not before trying these fabulous ways of expressing yourself.

[FreePalestine-bx]

"Conforming or transforming!" - LOVE IT ❤

[pocketminxuk]

💕 I WISH I'D BEEN FOLLOWING YOUR BRILLIANT CHANNEL 5 YEARS AGO 💕

Everyone should keep these reply phrases in their practised speech arsenal.

More importantly - remember the OP phrases as a red flag!

Bad behaviour/attitude is not always Gaslighting.

This video is probably one of the best life lessons.

Edit for auto corrects

[suzannesimmons]

Impressive.... again. Ty Dan. Now, first thing that I need to do ... give a darn about petty dirty manipulators in the workplace.... because if they don't like me, I'm good. If they don't like me, they're more apt to stay out of my way. I really don't feel the love for such horrible people whose only goal is to breed hate and discontent. 😑

[dominiquegio]

I've been using 'that may be but'. Works like a charm. Thank you!!

[grantaugustyniak]

My Mom gave me this advise a long time ago - bring up conversations that need to be talked about in a car ride. Especially with children. It works !