Self-Compassion: An Antidote to Shame

This talk was recorded as part of the Mindfulness & Compassion Week 2021

[leilagomulka]

The energy of shame is the wish to be loved - what a beautiful insight

[AtomicSlugg]

I used to think I was depressed, anxious, had social anxiety or low self-esteem but only recently have I discovered that I've been living for decades in constant shame, it sabotaged my friendships, made me isolated and lead me to hurt others
finding the root of your problem after such a long struggle brought me to tears

[liloleist]

"Shame is an innocent emotion.
Shame calls for kindness, a longing to be loved."

[ibbtcky]

I actually call them "shame attacks" they usually happen after any interaction with others. They also happen after i drink alcohol, though they can also be trigerred by many many things.

[indrakamalyadav]

I think social anxiety is directly the result of shame. I feel very shameful while in social situations. Anxiety and shame are directly related

[ajagui]

I was abused as a child and the consequences of it has been devastating - no matter what - college degree, jobs, “success”, travels, years and years of cognitive and/ or behavioral therapy I still struggle with it. I know that the root of it is the abuse and even though things are much better now I still struggle feeling not being good enough and ashamed for not measuring to “other people expectations. The shame I carry through the years is just exhausting at times. This guy talk is very honest and logical and I think that I knew that practicing self compassion when I am struggling helps. Now and then I give that 7 years old child a hug.😢

[harleyquiinnnn]

it’s such a powerful thing when a professor uses himself as an experience, it’s much more effective

[eddysaikia]

I am crying so much.
All this while its been my innocent desire to be loved, seen and protected.

[Tracyp]

“….Everyone feels shame. You are not alone. You may feel isolated and alone but you are not alone. Shame is a universal emotion” 🥰

[TransformationHarbor]

“Shame arises from the universal wish to be loved.”

[bradfordstewart]

I have listened to this two dozen times through a very tough period of my life and it has literally saved my life.

[jennetteswackhammer]

Shame has kept me isolated and in poverty. Feelings buried alive never die, so I have to face this shame to heal 😢
Its hard work. But so is poverty and isolation. blessings to everyone on this journey

[User-actSpacing]

“May I be safe, may I be peaceful, may I be healthy, may I live with ease”

[dknox]

I once heard someone say, “Shame is I am bad person and guilt is I did a bad thing.”

[Turtlpwr]

“It wasn’t an anxiety disorder, but a shame disorder”…holy crap, first time ever hearing it put this way; this is exactly what I have. So glad the algorithm gave me something worthwhile for once

[ella--]

my top takeaways that resonate with me from this insightful truth:

shame is not our fault but it is our responsibility. 15:41

mindfulness of shame is the first step to alleviating shame. it is knowing what we’re experiencing while we’re experiencing it with acceptance. shame is mostly invisible because we naturally dont want to see it. 18:09

what we resist persists but the good news is avoiding shame is more harmful than shame itself. when we stop avoiding shame and mindfully meet shame and ourselves with kindness, shame begins to recede 21:19

shame is an innocent emotion that calls for kindness. it arises from the desire to be loved. its universal. shame feels permanent and all-encompassing but its a temporary emotion. it represents a burden that we are carrying. it is not who we are. 26:10

these insights correspond to the three components of self compassion which are self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.
when we experience these insights, we pierce these illusions.

what are the illusions?

shame feels blameworthy but it is an innocent emotion that calls for kindness and love. recaliming the wish to be loved is the first courageous act.
alternative wordings may be : the need to belong, the need to he appreciated, respected, included.
it is a vulnerable truth.

what if we woke up in the morning and put our hand in our heart and said “just as all beings wish to be loved, so do i too now and throughout the day wish to be loved.”
what would you see in other people from then on? would it change your relationship with others?
it is a primordial wish to be loved. it opens the door to innocene then self-compassion.
33:54

shame is part of the human experience. this is common humanity. anyone in the same situation as you would feel the same way. in this feeling of shame you are not alone. you may feel isolated because thats the purpose of shame but the truth is you are not alone. everyone in the world wants to be loved and respected. 43:44

“i, like every other human just wish to be loved.”

thank you chris for making this video🙆🏻‍♀️ you are a blessing to others.

[colleenfairchild]

Holy Crap! The reason I haven't been able to heal all of my shame is because I have only wanted to be loved for who I am- as we all do. I have always felt unworthy of love based on my belief that who I am is not enough, too flawed, no way to become other than that, no matter how hard I try. I am learning loving kindness and self compassion practices, so I am seeing glimpses of hope. Thank you!

[florencefallon]

"Shame can ruin our lives, shame can ruin other peoples lives." Wow, I have never heard this point of view. I appreciate this new take on anxiety, depression and trauma. Thank you.

[bedhead-studio]

I've felt shame all my life. I'm autistic and was not diagnosed until my mid 20's. I desperately craved love and acceptance that I never felt that I deserved. I became extremely self absorbed and ultimately caused extreme damage in my life. Specifically in my relationships. This just deepens the shame. Thank you for this video.

[gavinheld]

Last night. I didn’t think I could go on in life. I felt so alone and I felt like I deserved to feel this way. I’ve been battling with anxiety for about 3 years now. And I knew it deep down, but my anxiety is rooted in my shame and self-hate. This video was exactly what I needed. And intend to use the insightful words and exercise to hopefully one day become self-compassionate.