CPTSD: Breaking The Toxic Shame/Procrastination Cycle With Self-Compassion

C-PTSD Resources:

[itsamerrylife]

In complex trauma you often learn that reaching out for comfort is dangerous

[triplixity]

"Humans need comfort everyday." This is as shocking as when I heard "The 'normal' amount of su**dal thoughts is zero."

[OurgasmComrade]

When this is combined with ADHD (in which the brain is already wired with deficits of executive functioning and emotional dysregulation), it could become more severe and is often experienced as what the adhd community refers to as "rejection sensitivity dysphoria" and pain that can exacerbate procrastination and avoidance. RSD isn't shown to have research validity in the DSM yet though, so it's just a concept to think about for now.

[t.]

This is me. I was diagnosed last year at the age of 53. It was an amazing eye opener when I was told, “nope, you’re not a loser and failure, but a victim of an emotionally abusive father and an emotionally neglectful mother. I was never told I love you, never hugged, never had my hand held, never supported, never asked how I was doing, etc. With therapy and medication, I just hope the rest of my life will be happier.

[SkiftyKitty]

Its even worse when you have no friends at all and your family doesnt understand your situation

[hautecouture]

I struggled my whole life with procrastination. It cost me so many missed opportunities, affected my grades at University. My Masters degree took so much longer than it should and I had countless extensions for my coursework. I think it affects my self esteem in a bad way because I don’t want to start things I am perfectly capable of doing because I know it will be a pain as I will end up procrastinating. I feel so overwhelmed with everything. Sometimes at work I spend hours just zoning out and not being focused and then I am so behind with my work. I had counselling to address this. I was given helpful strategies. I have so many books on productivity and being more efficient but I am still the same. I feel like I am battling against something to achieve the simplest things and I am working against myself- sabotaging. I had lots of trauma, lifetime of narcissistic and psychopathic abuse, going through a war. I wish life was more simple and slower pace and that people are less evil and exploitative

[TheSaintedOne]

I get this overwhelming sense of doom and hopelessness when facing significant stressors. I honestly feel it in my body. Even when I clicked on this video.

[j.erniewelsh]

It's amazing how powerful we become when we feel properly supported.

[DarkNobleSon]

I started crying a little before the 15 minute mark. She explained my whole situation in a way I’ve never been able to formulate. I’m fucking 43. Better late than never I guess.

[oober]

"People need a reasonable amount of comfort every single day." This is so true. I have CPTSD. I don't ask for comfort for myself unless I am in extreme pain. In the past, I have had partners who needed comfort for small issues, and I thought that they were just weak for it. I was so wrong! We all need a little hug, an "it's ok", a "you are strong" even for minor struggles. It keeps us from spiraling into shame and loneliness and makes us stronger to handle the major stressors!

[nicoleb]

This makes so much sense as to why I struggled in school as a child. I didn’t have parents that I could go to for comfort when I faced certain difficulties as a child. Now it’s even harder to cope as an adult after being trained my whole life that I don’t have anyone to go to and just getting overwhelmed trying to do it all by myself.

[roxyskittens]

I feel so sad listening to all this because it is true. It has been so hard all my life and the worst thing is never having any support - emotional, financial or otherwise. I had to do everything alone. But I have accomplished a lot: 2 college degrees, my small business where I like working, nice friends, I've never had any addictions and I've never done anything illegal/immoral. I've lived my life the best way I could. Even though I live in a poor country/region with few opportunities, I managed well what little money I had. But everything seems so overwhelming sometimes... like the weight of the world on my shoulders.

[hanbunz]

To whoever else crying while watching this - I'm crying with you. You're not alone. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are beautiful and worthy of love just the way you are. I wish I could hug you all

[babyxkande]

I find that society, and certain communities prioritize the “push through it” approach so that people with cptsd who may need that extra comfort to regulate just get told to “try harder” or they get tough love rather than comfort which often deepens the toxic shame. It’s so crucial to find safe people when you have cptsd but also so difficult!

[storycharms]

Thank you so much. And a compassionate shout-out to all the other people struggling with the toxic shame and guilt of long term self-isolation and self-neglect. ❤

[TruePathLiving]

It's not that we don't recognize the need for comfort we know damn well that someone ( family, partner or friend ) should hug us, it's that if we show this to people, they will think something is wrong with us, or find it clingy. We need forever people in our lives and consistent communication, we need community not casual bullshit friendships or casual bullshit relationships. But nobody wants to give

[polinas.]

Could you please make a video on "what is comfort" and "giving and receiving comfort"?

I'm sure, I'm not the only one who struggles to reach out for it partly because I don't understand what I'm asking for -> so people struggle to give it -> I get even more upset -> I don't reach out anymore, even if I have great friends.

Thank you for this video so much.
It was very helpful

[divyanshsahu]

C-PTSD makes one feel lonely, and makes them believe there's no way out. This video felt like a warm hug. Thankyou!

[FBI-MAIN]

From an obsessive researcher on how to manage my CPTSD, ADHD, RSD...this is the SINGLE most helpful piece of information I have found to soothe my frantic mind that berates me for feeling so much shame. This is gold. Will listen to it again and again! TJANK YOU!

[RayShallBe]

*hugs myself* toxic shame needs comfort. That blew my mind. I’m 34 and i’ve been on survival mood till this day. You have no idea how much value your videos are adding to my life right now.

Lighting up a candle every Saturday for all people who are in the same boat as me. 🕯️ we’ll make it 🙏


Thanks again Heidi so grateful for the awareness