Toxic People vs Toxic Behavior

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[UnMoored_]

What a shocking thing it is to discover, that for an unfortunate number of children, the most dangerous place for them is in their families.

[dinosaursatemycat]

It's not because we didn't get exactly what we wanted at Christmas. It's not because we couldn't do whatever we thought was best. It's not because we like the idea of toxic people. It's because we inevitably escape into the real world and find that it doesn't always have to hurt that much to just live. We start finding moments to connect to good spirited people. Recognizing how different things can feel. And if we try, we start feeling the toxicity leftover in ourselves. That's why we go to therepy. That's why we're here talking about it. We are working to see it for what it is, ourselves included. And make a real positive change for ourselves. Something you couldn't seem to do for us.

[GoOutsideToday]

Patrick is laying it down SHARPLY! Sometimes you have give those stark examples to get others to understand. Thank you for your work and making this information accessible.

[alisondunning]

So glad you said this. I’ve been told off by HR - that we don’t have toxic staff members, but we have people whose behaviour can be toxic. The truth is, if their behaviour is so frequently toxic and destroys the mental and physical health of colleagues, they are toxic. They should not be present in our workplace, anymore than asbestos should be

[attunementtarot]

I LOVE how grounded you are when you say, "I use the word toxic because mean it" 💯 yes, another response to trauma is minimization - and when we say, nah, they're really a good person, they just do bad things, that is a perfect example of minimization and not holding people accountable for the horrible ways they have treated you. A huge part of healing is stepping into your own power and distancing yourself from shitty people who are shitty. Your actions and behavior are an embodiment of who you are and how you choose to use your energy, and if you are discharging toxic energy, that comes from within - hence, a toxic person.

[realigninglife]

Yes and if people don't like the word toxic they can substitute abusive. Toxic behaviors are abusive and abusive people use them. If the toxic person wants to do the difficult job of healing their childhood wounds, I won't call them that anymore. I'll call them what I call myself: brave.

[birdlady]

Sadly (and they don't realize how greatful they should be), but those who have not walked in the shoes of toxic households, will never understand.
In that, they have no true context to even respond to this.
Thank You Patrick for bringing this community to a better place!

[victoryfaction]

Thank you for bringing up parentification in the teenage years. My experience with parentification was primarily financial exploitation and it's rarely talked about.

[TheYishlams]

Thank you Patrick. There are toxic people out there who intend to break others down and abuse. People saying "there's only toxic behaviors" just protects those very toxic people.

[laurahewitt]

I think the “no toxic people, ” is a message for those of us who have acted as scapegoats for our families, who have absorbed the message that, if something was wrong, it was your fault. “Yes, he burnt you with cigarettes, but you can’t change his behavior; you can only change yours. How could you have acted differently to prevent this? How could you have reacted in a more constructive way?” (Change that to broken bones and you have my eighth-grade therapist word for word. It was the 80’s and this was standard for families if you want to know what Gen X is whining about.) Labeling yourself or letting others label you a “toxic person” not only makes the task of change seem overwhelming, it keeps you from going no contact with the family that protected the abuser at your expense. After all, if you’re the problem, and you need to change yourself instead of your behavior, what’s the point of saying, “No thank you, I don’t want to play that game today”?

[QueenMarenziah]

I think many people often forget (or never realize) that the point of healing work isn’t to explain reality to change consensus views. The point is that we want to help ourselves and other people live wholly within reality. I think often, the “toxic behaviors versus toxic people” thing is a good example. Sure, in the realm of ethical philosophy- we’re all equally human. But when we are trying to navigate the world from a place of healing, autonomy, safety, and self respect. We need to be able to disconnect from situations that don’t serve us, the label toxic person helps us do that when we struggle with codependency and people pleasing. At least, that’s what I’ve found in my own journey.

[DanielHargis]

Wouldn't last a day with my mother the way she was at the end there, before I imploded the whole thing. Probably would refuse to even step inside the house.

Those who say there are no toxic people have zero idea what they're talking about. There most definitely are. And sadly, a lot of them are "parents".

[patrycjablack]

It’s really hard to imagine unless you experience it. I love your recommendation!

[RowanRiven]

My parents were toxic. Anybody who can't accept that I know what I'm talking about from my own lived experiences can keep on stepping. I had to take being invalidated constantly as a child. I won't take it from anyone as an adult.

[emilyspaulding]

I love it! 😂Hard core truth! You live with them for 6 months and see if that doesn't change your mind! Right!?@

[sooahh]

The word toxic on people is to me an implication of someone who's a criminal but not yet proven guilty in court. These toxic people have gotten away being guilty with their action through their families.

[TheAvprobeauty]

I’ve had one person on here reply to me invalidating my experience by saying “sometimes they mean well”.

And Im like “nope you didn’t live my life” you don’t know how many times i asked them not to hit us not to yell at us not to emotionally abuse us.

but it continued anyways.

when your child asks you to stop and you keep doing it thats multiple bad choices and those multiple decisions and bad behaviors add up to a toxic person.

a toxic person who creates a harmful environment instead of one without harm.

[christophermcneela]

The toxicity of the parent and of their behaviors or lack of nurturing behaviors is INTERNALIZED into the child. The adult now has some form of self-toxicity whether addiction, low worth, low esteem, being in less-than relationships. Some parents can ultimately come to a higher realization. Others simply won’t ever. The most important thing in the present is how you treat yourself.

[carolynbacon]

It's a distinction without a difference. The person is the one committing the toxic behavior. It's like blaming the bus for hitting you rather than the driver.

[irshikha]

🙅‍♀️ One toxic behaviour could be spared, however these "toxic people" have piled up many, throughout their lives. And, they don't shy away from using one after the other on whoever they choose as their victim.

Furthermore, I TOTALLY agree with the conclusion. Try living with the said toxic person for three months, if not six, you'll bow down to their victim's endurance. If you can't support the victim, then don't add to their misery, unless you've found the truth. 🙏🏼