Autism: How to be normal (and why not to be) | Jolene Stockman | TEDxNewPlymouth

Jolene Stockman may appear normal from the outside, but it's what's invisible that gives her a superpower. Jolene shares her life since being diagnosed with autism. Jolene Stockman is an ultra-enthusiastic, multi-award winning Taranaki writer, who launched Braincandy, a media company specialising in transforming communication in 1998. She caught fire! Creating educational resources and supporting business growth through powerful writing and video - all fueled by humour and positivity. Jolene has gone on to publish three books for young adults, win media, education, and business awards, and become one of the youngest in the world to achieve the Distinguished Toastmaster Leadership Award.

[Sidneycozzoi]

This explains why I can’t handle being in even mildly toxic work environments. It is physically painful. My therapist convinced me to quit my last corporate job because “this level of stress will kill you if you stay, ” he said. It is so hard to explain to neurotypicals that it is debilitating.

[VeeJayASMR]

6:58 "I can mimic normal but my autism isn't gone, it's just no longer your problem' Thank you for speaking my truth!

[elskabee]

the way she talked about growing up without a diagnosis and then blaming yourself because you can't do the things everyone around you does and constantly pushing yourself because you just must need to work harder and then breaking down... that hit really close to home. I don't know what it's like to be autistic, but I do have ADHD and it's interesting to hear the similarities and differences I have with my fellow neurodivergents

edit: terminology

[seaweedbeach]

Thank you.
"I don't wanna be babied, I don't wanna be tolerated" I just want to be understood and accepted.

[fifinoir]

Oh god I cried to this. I was diagnosed at 35. I often feel like a fraud with my autistic label as there is so much I don’t feel I relate to but I related to this. I don’t know how to live free as myself because I’m not really sure what I’ve masked about myself since a child it’s so ingrained. Is it usual not to know or realise what you mask about your traits?

[eddgloss]

cried three times while watching this, i see myself in her so much

[EyeShotFirst]

I keep watching these autism TED talks, and I keep seeing myself in each one. I feel like I seemed normal enough to slip through the cracks. I'm approaching 30, and I still feel like I'm asking myself the questions a child asks themselves about growing up.

[CreativeCrumbles]

I cried the entire time while watching this. I'm 32 and currently in the process of getting diagnosed by a licensed professional. I was invalidated and told to "work harder" and "act normal" my entire life, but I've recently hit a major shutdown. This shutdown led me to doing a lot of research and self diagnosing as autistic. I realized that not everyone works this hard to survive... neverminded the work that goes into keeping up with friendships, and relationships, holding down an office job, living on my own and supporting myself. Thank you for validating my experiences and helping me realize that I'm not broken and I'm not a burden. I belong here. Thank you.

[pinkerhero]

"I can push through. But should I?" THANK YOU

[hannahzd]

Anyone else watch videos like this and start remembering things that happened when they were a child and suddenly find an explanation

[azaramoon]

A beautiful talk, im undiagnosed Autistic age 63. This talk made me feel better about myself, thankyou.

[AnnaTheSucubuss]

thanks for this title. I was searching on how to be normal as a autistic person and now after hearing all of that i feel releif so strong that i cry on my laptop right now.
Thanks for representing autistic people like that. Keep up that good work


and thanks for making me less nervous about how others view me

[travassosvaldez]

Thank you. My daughter is autistic. And this is the kind of thing I want to teach her. There is no normal. Accept yourself. Love yourself.
For me to accept my daughter as she is, to love her, is a natural thing. I want that it is a natural thing for her too.

[JoseMeeusen]

Thank you, Jolene. You put into words exactly what and how I feel. I'm almost 72 and discovered only two years ago that I have highfunctioning autism. Listening to you made me cry, because as after a long life of feeling alone I now belong somewhere. ❤💛💚💙💜

[joeewell]

I was born autistic, stuttered, and intersex. Since I began "coming out" about my birth condition in late June 2022, I noticed that I started finding more and more other people like myself, whether they be autistic, speech abnomolies, or intersex. I have always been told by doctors and family, almost from birth, that I was unique, absolutely no one else like me, and that I would never meet any meet anyone else like me, and that I could never have kids that I was sterile. I have over the course of my early life, decades ago, learned to live with what and who I am, videos such as these, and I really appreciate Stockman and others who have the courage to reach out with their stories which I find so similar and entrusting to those of my own stories, helping me to understand further my own life. I am happy with my own life, after having come to terms, and are still coming to terms, with what and how I was born in this life. I am happy, in a sad way sometimes, but still happy, especially just to be who I am. I have slowly trying to "come out", little by little since June 2022, and I still have a long way to go.

[imice]

bless her, she made me feel so much hope for myself

[fullofgrace]

15:03 "You can't tell from looking that I'm Maori but I am; you can't tell by looking that I'm autistic but I am; you can't tell anything about anyone by looking anymore; there is no 'normal;' there is no 'real world, ' only the one we decide and the one we create; you may be 'weird' and you may be 'different, ' but you belong here, your existence our existence rewrites 'normal.' POWERFUL WORDS

[DarkeCrimson]

i got diagnosed with ADHD at 37 and It just stuns me how similar these are. I always felt like I didn't belong, like a character that ended up in a completely different story. Thank you for this. And thank you for that message. "You belong here' really resonated with me.

[OneUnderground]

I want to share this with everyone I know but I know no one will watch it. That's all I ever wanted growing up–to be heard, validated and understood. I got the opposite. I attempted to hide the fact I could never fit in like a puzzle piece put in the wrong box. Always accommodated myself for others but now that I'm burnt out and learning I'm autistic at 32, no more!
This can be a life-altering revelation for those of us who have gone undiagnosed. But it can also bring up so much trauma. Important to have compassion for ourselves more than ever. Listen to what you feel is true within.

[tangerinefizz]

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 44, but I still dealt with the prejudice when I was younger. Even though what I had didn't yet have a label, others picked up on my difference, and I was frequently bullied as a result.