Trying To Act Normal for 30 Years | Living With Autism | Full Documentary

For most of his life, TV Presenter Chris Packham didn’t tell anyone about the one thing that in many ways has defined his entire existence. Chris is autistic – he has Asperger’s Syndrome, which means he struggles in social situations, has difficulty with human relationships, and is, by his own admission, "a little bit weird".

But what if there was a way of taking away these autistic traits? Would Chris ever choose to be ‘normal’?

In this documentary, Chris invites us inside his autistic world to try to show what it’s really like being him. He lives alone in the woods with his "best friend" Scratchy the dog; but he also has a long-term partner, Charlotte, who discusses the problems Asperger’s creates in their relationship – she describes Chris as being sometimes "like an alien".

Chris experiences the world in a very different way, with heightened senses that at times are overwhelming, and a mind that is constant bouncing from one subject to the next.

Growing up at a time when little was known about autism, Chris wasn’t diagnosed with Asperger’s until he was in his 40s. With scientific advances offering new possibilities to treat his condition, Chris travels to America to witness radical therapies that appear to offer the possibility of entirely eradicating problematic autistic traits; but he also meets those who are challenging the idea that autistic people need to change in order to fit into society.

Confronting this deeply personal subject with brutal honesty, and reflecting on the devastating struggles of his adolescence, Chris explores the question of whether he’d ever want to be cured himself, or whether, ultimately, Asperger’s has helped make him who he is today.

[mariekatherine]

I was diagnosed at age 63. I always felt different, never fit in, didn’t have friends, was just considered weird, quirky, or stuck up. Guess what? I’m still the same, only now that different feeling has a name. I too, live alone in the woods with my three dogs and a cat. I enjoy it. I don’t enjoy going to town, shopping, going to clubs, parties, social clubs. I go to my local senior center where I belong to the art league, the pottery club, photography club, nature and environmental club.

[jenpw]

My husband pointed out my a typical behaviours and I finally got diagnosed in my 40’s. My parents were raised with a very old school belief that mentally Ill go to insane asylums, so they would never take me to see a doctor. Somehow I survived childhood but it was rough. Now I understand why kids took advantage of me. They took my lunch money, my toys, my make up, my clothes, my bikes, even my motorcycle. I constantly gave them rides with my gas. I thought that was how friends worked. I give them stuff and they be my friend. Now I see that I was naive and abused. I married a wonderful man that protects me and makes sure that people treat me with kindness and respect at all times.

[zoponex]

My daughter, now 28, is an Aspie. I cannot express the anger I felt when that man who is tormenting those autistic kids with ABA said so joyously that he would "cure" autism if he could. Let him live in a world without the brilliance of Einstein, the humor of Akroyd, the poetry of Dickinson, the art of Michelangelo. Of course not every autistic person is a prodigy. But many prodigies are autistic. And every autistic person is just as human and valuable as any "normal" person. I wouldn't change a thing about my wonderful daughter, just the world that isn't good enough for her.

[FL-yvuj]

I am high functioning Autistic and do NOT want to get rid of my Autism. It would make me into someone else and I love who I am.

[auntihooha]

I think the "remedy" should be finding the thing that sparks the autistic person's curiosity. They need direction and mentorship, not "treatment."

[paracausalotter]

After being screwed with my whole life and forced into this "you're not autistic you're just lazy", being forced to plug into situations I hate simply to survive, being forced to deal with things that are too loud and just having my senses blasted for 30+ years I've become numb. All that social anxiety just sort of turned into a general disdain for humanity. Yeah I'd love to live in a world where people don't rapidly escalste situations and become detrimental to me before I can even register wtf just happened. I'm glad some my fellow spectrum comrades found some kind of peace. I'm just mad as hell, working hard as hell to eventually just find my place in nature away from this cluster f.

[Fey]

I really like this video. I wouldn't change myself for the world. For everyone struggling with autism. Identify your weaknesses and problematic behavioral patterns, and identify your strengths. Stop trying to fit into society. Protect yourself from a possible crash along the line. And try to get help if you're struggling. Embrace you for who and what you are and try to be the best version you can possibly be. If you struggle explaining how you feel verbally try to write it down if you can. Every single one of us is unique, we are different, and it makes us special. Remember that it's okay to not be okay. Don't expect people to take the time and effort to really understand and appreciate you. Instead learn to appreciate and understand yourself.

Something I once read somewhere: "We are not disabled by our autism. We are disabled by our environment"
Good luck in life strangers, make the best out of it!

[effie]

Oh this made me weep. I am a mother of an autistic child in the USA. No ABA for us. Just acceptance, accommodation, homeschooling and socializing in socially accepting circles. I will never let my son absorb that something is wrong with him. He is beautiful just like this guy is beautiful.

[davidcarr]

I was diagnosed at almost 50. Understanding my diagnosis has been like cleaning a foggy mirror. I am finally seeing the real me. I'm 55 now and live in the smallest home you can imagine (actually, it's smaller than most imagine, my floor/bed area is 2 square meters), but on acreage. I live by myself with my myself 3 Pomeranians.
I have always had a feeling that I was different. My IQ is above average, but I performed poorly academically throughout life.
Since the 23rd of September this year, I have no friends (I found my bestie deceased). I like being alone, but I do feel lonely at times, and as smart as they are, the dogs don't talk back.
I feel that I am too intelligent to be autistic, as when I think of autism, I think of someone who needs a carer. I don't.
On the other hand, I feel too different to be part of normal society. Believe me, I have tried, been successful at it too, but normal was never a comfortable fit. I mixed with those of no hope, criminals, and those with dependence on drugs and alcohol.
I became a stoner and still partake daily. I left the big city to move to where there's far fewer people, but more trees.
My diagnosis was clear, but I am only just on the spectrum. Just enough to not be normal.
Making proper friends is too difficult. I have heaps of acquaintances, several people who say they care about me (but don't, or rarely contact me) dozens more who i enjoy talking to, but those times are rare.
Apart from my birthday and Xmas, my phone doesn't ring. Even on those days, it only rings once or twice.
Part of me is happy with my life, but the loneliness gets me at times. It makes me feel far from normal, as most people have a friend or two that they are close to frequently.
Thanks for reading.

[sashanealand]

Im an older laboratory chemist and I have a panic attack everytime I have to go to work now. It used to be almost everyone in chemistry was pretty nerdy like me and the lab was the one place I could function, but now science has been flooded with socially normal people and I cant fit in anymore. I miss the quiet and being able to work individually with the instruments.

[bridgetdraper]

I admire this man deeply. I have been caring for my Autistic son for 24 years. He is far more severe than this man. Watching this man gave me a tiny peek at my sons mind. Thank you for this!

[JulioCesarZermenoLotina-vljp]

I'm fortysix years old. I've always felt odd, a human imposter. This is my dream, to live alone in the woods. I suspect I have autism. I gave up on social human contact sixteen years ago. I hate loud noises, strong lights, and clothes tags. I'm very happy, alone, with my dog and two cats, away from people.

[ithacacomments]

My daughter is an Aspie.
Self diagnosed at age 45.
She was able to work from home mostly during the pandemic. She found solitude to be so much more productive.
Once staff were asked to return to the office, her boss gave her permission to make her own schedule as to how much time she spends in the office.
Fantastic!

[dpie]

I have mild Aspberger….prefer to be alone, love to learn things, quickly gets bored, have strong opinions and have higher IQ than most people. I have learned to behave and I can enjoy social settings if I can feel appreciated or I can talk about my interest. I do love my children very much.

[queenofthebutterflies]

My friend tells me he has Autism. He's high functioning and has recently come across this realisation as an explanation as to why he's different. I'm watching this to understand him better. This is so informative. Thankyou so much.

[solasolar]

I'm at the school part and I'm so frustrated to see those children in an environment that's exactly the opposite of what they need. It's too loud, too fast, too much. My daughter would be having meltdowns so badly at this school and wouldn't function at all once home after being subjected to this. It's absolutely terrible.

[ericjohnbautista]

My son was diagnosed with Aspergers. I really trying to watch documentaries to learn the perspective of a person who has this condition. I don’t want to change him and blend him with neurotypical kids because I know he is unique and I love him the way he is. Hopefully I can help him to live a life the way he wants it to be.

[davidmoss]

This man is full of soul, much more than most people I've met.

[LexV-xilj]

"For all the contradictions, all the heartache of this condition, what I've seen in America has made it very clear to me that we need to understand autistic people better, not try to change who they are." I'm an autistic woman in America and I completely agree. I relate so much to this documentary and I hope our world changes to accommodate us - not change us to fit a world that is unjust, hierarchal, and rigid in upholding its social norms.

[leomalaka]

I am a high functioning autistic woman, I have always been struggling since I can remember, been made fun of and laughed at by my own siblings for the way I stemmed and for being different.
I always wondered why I am so uncomfortable and different than others. I wondered if everyone else is also is like me and thinks and feels the way I do. I was also obsessed with tadpoles and animals in general. I am currently raising a baby parrot and I love the experience. I have a better connection with animals, specially Birds than people. I had no idea that I was autistic. I got married and have been struggling. Marriage wasn’t for me but my marriage was arranged and I was kinda forced and my husband wouldn’t let me to get divorce. It’s beyond toxic now. I have two kids and my little one was diagnosed with autism in 2020 and it was then when I realised that I was autistic and didn’t know and never had any support from family but I was bullied and pressured. My little one has similar traits that I had as a kid. I hope he never experiences my problems but I know it is not easy.