How Autism Feels, From the Inside | Op-Docs

What is it like to live with Asperger’s syndrome? Jordan Kamnitzer tries to answer that question in “Perfectly Normal,” this week’s Op-Doc. It’s beautifully directed by Joris Debeij, who frames Kamnitzer’s experiences and ideas with evocative cinematography and editing, giving us a beautiful but challenging glimpse into another way of being.

In a related essay, the writer Eli Gottlieb describes it as “a rare filmic experience of the sensory overload of autism … as Jordan, the articulate middle-aged subject of the film, speaks about his own condition, the music skitters and booms, rapid jump cuts intensify the sense of danger, and in this swelling moment of uncertainty, the viewer experiences a fleeting sense of what it might be like to live in a condition of permanent, anxious neural flood.”

Gottlieb grew up with a severely autistic older brother, but even after 40 years, “find[s] his emotional and cognitive process as fundamentally mysterious as ever. The impenetrability of autism, with its seemingly endless variants and its essential “otherness,” is its hallmark. All this renders Jordan’s testimony that much more useful and intriguing. He is a reporter at a hinge-point of consciousness, able to inhabit his condition while describing it for us — whether we are “neurotypicals” or lodged somewhere on the spectrum — with remarkable precision and insight.”

More from The New York Times Video:

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[SpaceBandit]

I really like that they focused on adults with disabilities, I oftentimes hear about children but rarely about what happens when these kids grow up.

[MattGaetzOnAWhiteFordBronco]

I'm a healthcare professional that works with children with disabilities. We need more videos like this...because as a society we are not exposed to adults with disabilities. There's a lot more understanding and resources for children, but once they're adults, they seemingly disappear from society.

[mazzy]

“Isn’t it nice when you hear the church bells ring? It reminds me of you.”
Such a simple yet deep way to explain love towards another.

[whoknows-pb]

i hate having autism. i can feel my brain lag alot and it breaks my heart. going to move back to my moms house because she is the only person i know who will actually help me snap out of my brain being stuck or turned off for days. i hate that i feel ashamed because i am 27. i see people with “normal” brains and it looks so freeing. i feel like a prisoner in my mind. hoping ill be ok ❤️❤️ sending love to him and her in this video!’ they are wonderful

[OmegaWolf]

I'm glad he and his girlfriend found each other and can support each other in this difficult world.

[oldnewstock]

I have spent most of my life living with the fact I have Asperger’s syndrome.

I suppose I’m one of the lucky ones, as language is my strong area. While I struggle to have ordinary conversations with people, I can still express myself through the written word.

I do not believe Asperger’s syndrome is a disability, but that is a label used to describe it to the uninitiate. One day I hope people will understand that we are not disabled, we are just different. I can write an entire world into existence in under an hour, but the moment you give me a simple mathematical problem my brain crashes.

If you meet other people with Aspergers, you will discover that we all seem to end up specialising in specific areas; some of us are masters of quantum physics, others can recite entire books they read decades ago.

We struggle with the mundane, but excel in the unusual. We’re not disabled, just different.

Different isn’t bad.

[pilarmontanogavira]

I don’t really talk about this but here we go:

I’m 11. I have a 16 yr old brother with severe autism. He can’t talk at all. But he makes noises and uses his hands to express his feelings and what he wants. He’s pretty difficult, sometimes. When he likes something, he does not want to do anything but that thing. If he likes a show, he does not want to change it. At all. He’ll watch it all day. He’s not the biggest fan of change. He is constantly excited. He likes to jump. And he sleeps really late, he can stay up for hours. He seems to have a high spice tolerance. He can really just eat food with a lot of hot sauce and wouldn’t care. If he eats certain foods with sugar, he’ll get migraines and he’ll be pretty upset. I taught him things, like how to play hand games or how to paint or wash his hands. And I could go on, but that’d be a lot to type haha! He may be difficult sometimes but he has feelings too. I know he loves us. And if he’s in a good mood, he’ll give you hugs. I love him a lot!

edit: I’d like to add a few things I forgot to add:

1. My brother has said 2 words, but this is EXTREMELY rare, and has only happened twice! The first word he said was “Ear”. His teacher at his special needs school asked him what was wrong one day when he was in pain. My brother had said one word: Ear! I remember my family were so excited and proud of him! The second time was when my dad was trying to get my brother up for school, but then he said: No. I was sleeping at that time, and I wished I had seen it! This happened a really, really, really long time ago! I hope to see him say a word to me one day. But even if he can’t, i still love him.

2. Thank you all SO SO SO MUCH for all the replies! I love them all, you guys are so kind! One day, I’ll try reading them to my brother! Thank you so much! 🖤

3. I think that it’s not right for people to make fun of people with disabilities. Here’s something I’d like to say:

If everyone had switched places with a mentally disabled person for just one day, then we as a society could be much more loving, understanding, and caring.


edit: will delete- the reply section has a few users who are saying terrible things to bully others. please ignore the hate, guys, even if it is hard.

[thefuturist]

“The horse was then taken away”

I can’t emphasise enough how this statement sums up the experience of autistic people. We find something that makes us comfortable, often in a situation that is extremely stressful, and other people actively prevent us from doing it on the grounds that we should be ‘normal’. From an early age I experienced ‘normal’ as like a kind of regime imposed upon people, that some of us are better equipped to tolerate, but it still seems to be imposed rather than emerging from the way people interact with each other and the world. It’s like we’re being trained.

[KittyPieVibes]

“Am I a lousy girlfriend?”
“Not at all, don’t put yourself down.” 😭😭😭

[Amayat]

Bro why is no one talking about how musically talented he is?

[daniely]

9:51 Disabilities are secondary, but we are people first. Ahh, so touching.

[Myview]

Hes got a job, a girlfriend and an independent life. Good on him.

[amandamarquez]

“Disabilities are secondary. While we are people first, you don’t see a disabled person. You see a person with a disability.” What a Beautiful and true statement. Let this remind us to keep our minds and hearts open.

[xtymps]

This should be a full length movie. Gorgeously shot, gorgeously narrated. Gorgeous people.

[KleinOfficial]

It must be pretty difficult to live in a world that isn't designed with your needs in mind

[ammieDam]

I have what is called High Functioning Autism. The problem with that is that people always second guess me, because I do not look Autistic. What they mean is they see a person who has learned to mask. It hurts because the masking part takes so much of my energy that I do not want to be around people any more.

[audreyb]

He was absolutely shredding that piano

[jessieamaya]

I have Aspergers and not many people would even know I was diagnosed early on so I had a lot of work I had to do. But I’m not gonna lie it hurts when people make fun of autism it makes me feel uncomfortable

[DereBear]

When their relationship started being shown my heart absolutely melted. I know people on the autism spectrum have hard times making connections so when I see someone on the spectrum who has found their someone, it makes me tear up a little

[craig]

I hope that girl at the store gets a raise, she was patient and respectful, wherever you are miss, I hope you're doing well. World needs more people like her!