Why socialising can be PAINFUL! (for autistic people)

There's a myth that autistic people are not social or that we're not interested in friends. The truth is that sometimes socialising can be extremely tiring, and even painful. It takes energy to do what the people around you expect. I don't always have that energy.

CHANNEL LINKS:
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!

My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.

Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.

As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.

I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.

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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG

You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.

The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).

In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)

Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests

Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)

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// ABOUT ME

I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.

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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING

I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:

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// CONTACT

Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!

Peace,

~Paul

[greogebrewer]

socializing is like navigating a minefield with little or no reward.

[RevieCliche]

I like being an observer of socializing. I'll hangout with my friends and larger groups frequently, but I don't like being engaged with, just let me be there in the moment. It's when I'm constantly engaged with that I get uncomfortable, irritable, or drained.

[amphibeingmcshpongletron]

"...I think I've drifted significantly from the topic." - Story of my life.

[PanthroSamah]

The example that I use is "imagine that you have to give a lecture in another language". It's not something that you can't do, but you must be very focused, because you're trying to express yourself in another language when a lot of people are focused on you. It is emotionally tiresome, because you are afraid of failing and it is mentally exhausting, because you must work much harder than normally to translate what you´re thinking. It is not like you don't want to establish relationships, but sometimes it's too laborious and you start to question if it really worth it.

[atomicsnowflake]

I hide from the neighbours so I don't have to say hello and I have to be like a ninja just to put the rubbish out 🤦‍♀️ 😂

[alphaalpaca]

when im tired, exhausted, or confused my social skills dont work any more. its like this:
nt:"thank you!" - "have a nice day!"
me: (with pokerface) "yes" -a moment later: thinking: "i think that was the wrong reaktion..."

[haneul]

When I lived with my parents, they would often invite all their friends to our house and every single time this happened I would leave the house half an hour earlier and stay outside alone for the rest of the day, getting some cheap food somewhere near and doing nothing until I knew that everyone would have left and I could return safely (once I had to wait until 1am, watching from the distance to make sure all cars were gone from the front of our house). My parents would get so mad at me when I did this because in their eyes it took zero effort to just say hi to everybody for 2 minutes and then go back to my room. Unfortunately, that little interaction and the questions the guests used to ask me made me so utterly uncomfortable I'd rather waste half a day than suffer for 2 minutes. That's how bad it felt.

[lenasch]

The thing is: I always thought everyone felt like this! And it’s just that no one talks about it and when people go out they just act happy and social and some do it better than others. I cannot imagine that others don’t feel all of this all of the time

[therabbitwhisperer]

Going to the barbers is a nightmare if they try a force a conversation

[DNR]

While my situation is not as severe as some, I can relate to just about everything you are describing. However - and it pains me to say this - these facts cannot be understood (or even believed) by many people who have not experienced them.

[JxSTICK]

Having autism is so much pain for me. If only I could explain myself better, but in stressful situations I just can't. Explaining and articulating also always was a serious weekness for me. Well I learned so much when it comes to these things, but the older I get, the harder the social language gets. Now I'm 22 and adults just have these high social expectiations, which are standart for them..

[TehCacti]

I am very depressed and alone, I feel like im my own worst enemy. I know if I socialise more I will feel less lonely but somehow I cant push myself to do it

[rabarberellum]

I always get torn between not wanting conversation and willing to please people and/or not wanting to hurt them. It confuses me a lot.

[christianemichelberger]

I'm only finding out these days that I am an adult Aspie. Now I know why I said to my husband very early in our marriage, "if you greet me with a cheerful 'Good Morning' before 10 am, I'm going to get divorced on the grounds of emotional abuse."

And my favourite way of socializing is playing in an orchestra. We don't talk at all. Heaven!

[brainmaker]

I can do chit chat for about 10 seconds. Then it’s just agony and I’m responding as best I can while my whole inner being is screaming “ make it stop!” But if I meet someone who talks about astrophysics or neuroscience or mycology, I’m riveted and can talk and listen for a long time. Going to a meeting or talk is also nearly impossible because so much of the time is spent in prefacing and repeating. I have to sit in the back so I can walk out quietly.

[hellhoundonmytrail...]

Ive experienced long lonely periods in life, sometimes when someone smiles and waves I'm genuinely very surprised, embarrassed and then feel it's too late when I realize it was actually for me.

[WhoThisMonkey]

I am 31 and was only recently diagnosed as asperges autistic.

No wonder every day going to work was a living hell, I thought it was just me and no one else felt like I did... then the evenings, replay every interaction over and over and over... if I hadn't found meditation years ago, I would have entirely lost my mind.

[TheProtronic]

As for daily socializing, sometimes you dread saying hello because the other person might want to be your friend and now you have to talk to them or things get weird. I've learned to be cognizant of my interactions with some people so they don't latch on. And I'm also working on my exit strategy when I do get roped into conversations.

[Maxwell-]

Once I tried jut not talking to people. After 10 days I was feeling totally depressed so that doens't work either. I see socialising like going to the gym: I don't wanna do it, I won't enjoy it, but it keeps me healthy

[brianarbenz]

I’ve said that, for me social interaction is work, and work is enjoyment. Libraries are to me what party houses are to neuro-typical people. Digging through all that data and acumen is heaven! Stopping in at a party is something I’ll do, but only as a protocol.