Why You Can't Just 'Act Normal' After a Late Autism Diagnosis

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. #ActuallyAutistic #orionkelly #autism #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike #asd

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Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (YouTuber), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.

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[leslieyancey]

“Just try harder”…when that’s all we’ve ever done! They never get it!

[nessknows.]

Oh yes, the old, “You’re faking it because I forced you to hide and mask all the evidence of Autism from the time you were a child.” No. I was always this way, I just learned you were unsafe.

[piiinkDeluxe]

My therapist recommends to be mindful about who I share information like this with. And that has been a good strategy for me.

[MisterLobb]

Yep. Checked all the boxes on what you’ve said. What made me sad was finding out that the majority of the world wasn’t (autistic) like me. Before, I thought if I explain something with logic & reason, people will understand & agree or calm down. I lost confidence in talking to people for a few years after I learned they don’t have the same thinking process & they confuse autism with down syndrome. Thanks Rain Main.
My parents knew but didn’t tell me, dad didn’t want me diagnosed & ostracized - probably right decision, but it could have helped me to know what’s different. [Now that I know], I don’t get as frustrated (at my inability to convey cogent thoughts) in conversing with others.

[gillb]

People make me so angry with their stupidity. As she says, on one hand they start infantalising you but on the other hand they want you to just behave 'not autistic' and tey harder. My last boss pulled me into the office about my social media and told me that he did not want me engaging in conversations on neurodiversity in my sociap media because it made the company look bad. He literally said to me 'I dont care about your autism, I just care what you can do'

[daniw.]

It’s funny how, as autistic people, we’re characterized as being overly sensitive to and unaccepting of change, yet Neurotypical people are the same way when it comes to situations like this…

[upsetstudios]

People in my life has always labeled me as "different" or "weird" or "imaginative" but when I actually got diagnosed as autistic, I wasn't 'different enough' for that to be real. For some, my intelligence and emotional maturity meant that autism just wasn't a possible answer

[Bittagrit]

I was told “well you’ve always had special abilities” not bad until their tone of voice and the way it was said sinks in.

[JonBrase]

As a low-masker, I had already been excluded from or had left neurotypical spaces long before autism was on my radar. The result is that I've been pleasantly surprised by how smoothly disclosures have gone. A significant chunk of my existing social network is (mostly undiagnosed and unaware) autistic, and even people that I can't detect obvious signs of autism in are much friendlier about it than a lot of YouTube content led me to expect.

[LilChuunosuke]

I have been extremely careful with who I tell. I'm extremely good at reading people, so I always try to make sure that I only tell people who won't treat me differently.
I wish I could just tell everyone and have it explain everything about me, get me the accomodations I need, etc. But the sad reality is there are so many people in our lives that only respect us and recognize our positive traits because we hide who we are around them.

[CyraNoavek]

Yep. There came a moment when I realized that the vast majority of people view autism as a form of brain damage. Telling people that I am autistic was taken as me announcing I had brain damage.

[nyllneksif]

I lost my job! Everyone started acting real weird & all my relationships fell away!!! I realised I’d been masking my whole life xxx & now I’m good with it & excited about new friends new jobs & an unstressed authentic rest of my life @ 55

[HeartlessSystem]

I've been autistic my entire life, and hearing people who used to be friends with you say that shit shows just what kind of people they truly are. They're people who don't deserve your friendship or attention, especially if they're so ignorant like that. I hope the best for everyone who's been diagnosed with late autism ❤.

[ckck]

I thought this about my cPTSD. My Dr immediately treated me like I had lost 50 IQ points. I am going to be evaluated for autism soon, my therapist thinks that's part of the picture that's missing. I can relate. As soon as people think something different about you, you end up finding out how biased their views are. It's really disheartening. I'm sorry you had this experience.

[andybee]

They are the problem, not you. You had probably been masking your whole life. They want the lie. You be You because it is you, and you are unique. ❤❤❤

[benedixtify]

I feel like I want to stop masking. But I think that means not trying to pretend I look happy and upbeat. Not doing that makes people uncomfortable around me, or think I don't like them. You can't explain to strangers "oh this is just how I am with everybody." It makes it feel tiring to think about going out at all.

[peace]

Thank you SO much for this. Brilliant talk about the reality of being authentic and telling people about your diagnosis. I'm going to be going through this so the framing and warning is REALLY helpful for me. And saying "I love my autistic mind" is SO positive. Thank you!

[ryutak]

When I learned I told four people. They were my closest family members and 2 of them were very receptive and wanted to learn more and they fundamentally didn't treat me like I was stupid or there was something wrong with me. My other two family members kept gaslighting me into thinking that I wasn't because I "seem to get along fine" and "if you didn't think you were you'd live fine anyway" and kept ruthlessly insulting me and making fun of me and not accepting it. I didn't necessarily want them to agree with me I just wanted them to try to understand.

[ryandavis]

I went through a round of diagnostics in 1994 to find out what was causing my depression, why I struggled with dis graphic dyslexia and why people misunderstood my body language. It included an IQ test. It was well above average. My reading comprehension is in the 99th percentile and my reading speed for speed reading is close to three grand a minute. Later at one job I took a math test. I made the highest score anyone had ever made there. I am a ninth grade dropout.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers in 2006 In behest of a very good friend with similar traits.
There is a difference between basic autism and high functioning autism.
Intelligence and autism are in fact two different things. They may effect each other in small ways but are overall not codependent.
Temple Granden is very autistic. On a scale of one to one hundred with zero being not, I would put her in the seventies.
Her intelligence with the same scale I can certainly say she is very near one hundred. She is very clearly not stupid or slow in any way.
Having met her. She makes me look very normal on the autism spectrum. About a forty.
What gets me in trouble is being right about the outcome of nearly everything. This makes people very upset.
But their feelings are not what I get paid to deal with.
I get paid because I am really good at my job and often much more than those with degrees and fragile egos.
Be awesome and autistic. They can suck up being “normal”.

[nyanbinary]

As I’ve begun to peel away my high masking habits, I’ve become more forthright. I’m careful about who I disclose to, to a certain extent, but I’m also no longer afraid to ditch the people who all of a sudden get weird about this thing that’s ALWAYS been a part of me. With strangers, I just have learned to insist on being treated the way I deserve.