60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 6 - You Judge Yourself Harshly

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People from Complex Trauma usually have an inner critic that finds something wrong with everything they do. Why is that? Does it help? What can we do to change it?

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[TimFletcher]

💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.

[carmena.]

I appreciate that you separate the main part of your talk from the Christian part. Most of my complex trauma is deeply rooted in religious trauma and religious extremism as well. Your intentional use of nuetral/non religious language during the bulk of your talk and then having a separate section for christians makes this material accessible to everyone who needs it while being so incredibly respectful of those who don't share your beliefs or who have been traumatized by more extreme forms of Christianity. This is exceptionally rare in our current climate and I sincerely thank you and applaud you for it.

[yveqeshy]

Lordt, this man doesnt even know how much he is helping me. Instead of demanding for perfection from yourself or from other people to avoid getting hurt, criticized, rejected or abandoned, demand for your boundaries to be honoured. That's the safe/proper way to interact with people. But growing up in emotionally neglectful environment doesnt teach you this, it teaches you that shrinking yourself through the help of shame that keeps you in check coupled with a harsh inner critic will keep you safe.

[weaviejeebies]

This series is quite possibly the best, most comprehensive series on trauma available online. Extraordinary resource, thank you so much.

[JustJ-Me]

I typically self- harmed bc I felt I needed to punish myself for not being good enough/ having others criticize me- I felt I DESERVED it and it needed to happen. That's where it started and then it turned into an addiction and way of trying to regulate my emotions

[sherileyva]

I have always felt my inner critic was God convicting me of what I need to change. I finally realized that no matter how good I tried to act, it was never good enough, and that is not the God that I choose to serve. I finally woke up and realized that what I have always thought of as my relationship with God, was more like the abusive narcissistic marriages I have been in. Thanks to these videos I am finally being able to make progress in my mental health

[peramenehera]

26:53 F. Guilt tripper. I lost a good friend to suicide because he couldnt get this out of his head. His goodbye message said "You are a good person. I am a monster." Hearing you describe this reminded me so much of his own mindset. This stuff is very real and detrimental.

[French-Kiss]

This is such a good program. This series is really helping me. I wasn’t beaten or sexually abused, so I feel guilty if I go back and admit there was complex trauma: strict authoritarian parenting, very critical, manipulative, not allowed to feel sadness or anger, fundamentally ignored, uber-controlling. I never realized I had needs until I read it in a book at age 43. Thank you for the healing course.

[tomk]

Why are abusers allowed to have children? Our legal system holds adults accountable for defaming eachother but there’s ZERO legal consequences for emotionally abusing a helpless child

[ekkolima]

This and "The Crappy Childhood Fairy" are the best teachers on these subjects.

I have all these critics in my head and I see the faces of those who brought me up. They transferred their fear to me. Only at age 36 I'm just now having real freedom.

This whole video is about me. I'm so grateful for these tools, I now know what to do to STAY FREE!

Thank you very much, 😎!

[CelestialHunter]

Mr. Fletcher, I've been to several therapists over the years, bought and read many books, and searched online trying to get the very information you've provided in this series. I always knew something wasn't right... Why did I always feel like a burden to my parents? Why were things my siblings did taken out on me? Why did none of them care when I was hurting and needed support? Why do I feel like I have to make others happy all the time? Why can I advocate for others but not myself? Why are others able to say "No" and not feel guilty? Why do I criticize and not value myself? Why can't my siblings and I, decades later, talk about it and help each other heal? So many "Why?"s. Because of this series, I'm finally getting answers, finally understanding... BUT most importantly, I'm finally learning how to change the behaviors that I developed because of it. Thank You!!

[juanitaatkinson]

Recovery is a tough journey. Thank you Mr Tim. These videos are a Godsend. Huge thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[octaviakuransky]

I have The Worst emotional hangover today. My brain is like mud. I can hardly hold my head up on my neck. Yesterday read a story at a library program and completely messed it up. I was so nervous. Grateful for this man and this message.

[abbywoolfson]

I’m disappointed that this information was available when I started therapy. I’m 65. The information is so helpful. The beginning of understand why I wrestle with these core issues. I started getting interested in God when I was 21. Therapy has been very helpful I needed navigating through marriage parenting, depression after being and trying to be what I thought God wanted!! The core issues still tortures me. It takes a lot of work, I’m exhausted… plus still trying to manage. I am thankful for finding you on Utube. I am understanding why I have these core issues I cannot seem to get free of. Even including what I know about God. The scriptures, receiving the complete purpose of Jesus. Emotionally I struggled to change. You help me so much. Thank you

[Ruby-wise]

Thank You Tim, for helping me be aware of my “ internal parent’s “ voices! I’m understanding more of why I’ve been an almost workaholic and perfectionist during my adult life, and why I’ve found it so difficult to just sit and relax without feeling the need to be productive.

[angelicacroitoru]

I would add also the fact that the feeling of inadecuacy and fear comes also with the strong disociation. Apart of the way we are treaten, being in dissociative state creates more fear, and inhability to cope or connect with other children and that is worsening the trauma
I was severly dissociated as a child and many times I was playing with children from the same street but I could not "participate" I felt that I cannot hear or understand what they were saiyng, could not get out of freeze response so I was always lost and felt worse.
This is also a huge parte of trauma because I got to think that something was so wrong with me and therefor I was expecting all bad things to happend to me

[mama_j]

Ok, everything for me is spot on as far as the different types of inner critics. I have all of them and its a tortuous way to live. But im not into self harm unless you call eating until you're in literal pain as self harm... I've binged on junk food while in a state of absolute emotional breakdown. No comcern for my health or long-term consequences. Just pure disgust and hatred of my body and desperate for a release. Does that count?

[katec]

I've been struggling with this so much lately. I notice that I am very forgiving and encouraging of others but often feel frozen by my own shame. This video was really helpful and has given me a lot to reflect on and start to change in my life.

[psalmingit]

Everything he's explaining is me. I finally reached out for help starting this week.

[ItsAllFakeAndGhey]

You’re the hardest working man in Canada.