Complex Trauma Sixty Characteristics - Part 1/11

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Tim introduces the 60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma.

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[christinazepp]

Thirty six years of trying to get sober, going to inpatient treatment 16 times. No one ever mentioned this. I’m amazed and horrified and really angry and sad

[SindanSeen]

-hyper vigilance
-Trusting no one
-Read negative into everything
-Thinking Worst case scenario
-Reading danger where danger isn’t
-complex trauma means being wounded as a child and then you continue wounding yourself as an adult
- priority #1: personal safety >> this causes bumping down other core priorities. Decisions based on immediate results and safety. Safety more than loving other people.

[lisalambert]

You just described my whole childhood from day one. The family generational gift that keeps on giving.

[melissarey]

I understand why this is presented in the context of childhood experiences. But as he's talking, I am reminded of my sister's 12 year relationship with an abusive person and his cult-like family; my own professional experience doing tech support for a cable company then 15 years in another industry reporting to an insidious "nice" person who was actually a micromanaging nightmare, I think of my friend's experiences in the military... there are so many ways we can live with ongoing daily trauma. Maybe he'll address this in a future lecture, but I suspect those of us who grew up in the environments he describes are more likely to stay in those environments as adults until we process it and learn the skills to identify and manage.

[anns]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for making these videos public! So many are wanting to make money 💰 off of everyone. You are an angel to teach for no charge, so much critical knowledge!

[GretchenKeskeys]

I don't know if you read your comments from something posted five years ago... but I discovered you recently and...can't find the exact words... but just astonished, amazed, thankful, emotional over listening to your talks on trauma and coping. How you exactly pinpoint things I've done that I just couldn't understand (sabotaging my life, ) and the intense pain, weight issues (food has been my drug of choice, ) ups and downs. I am a Christian and walk in a peace I didn't have in my young adult years.... but I have continued to be plagued by things I didn't understand. I had extremely loving, insightful parents. Brilliant in fact. My late father was a famous psychiatrist who wrote a best selling self help book. Sadly (and I completely understand so much more about him after listening to you) I know he had childhood trauma. He had facial scars from when a burning sack was put over his head by his older brothers. And he had a cold uncaring mother. Even with all his brilliance, care for others and insights, he was an alcoholic. It took him to some pretty low places... but in his later years he didn't drink and was devoted to the church. Back to my life: when their book became a best seller... I was about 10 and my sister 14. She loved riding horses, so while they. traveled the country appearing on tv shows and such... we were left out at the ranch. I think my mom felt it was safe because a Christian woman and her husband ran it. And that woman was nice. But there were multiple other characters who were not safe at all. Bullying, mean, and ultimately by the time I was 11 and 12... I was drinking hard alcohol and had older men taking advantage of me. I already had issues from my dad's drinking. Everything combined: so much pain, humiliation, unsafety, abandonment...on and on. By the time I was about 14... I wanted to leave that whole world behind. And I did. I never went to the ranch again. I wanted to forget that time existed. I became very thin and wanted to be a "good girl." Very attractive and "perfect" on the outside, (people called me "Farrah, ") but the inside was a mess. After college and a lot of drinking, including a DUI (I drank especially when I was with a young man I was attracted to, I never felt comfortable, ) I moved to Hollywood, had some success and also was really wanting to be a Christian... but all these painful things you talk about kept plaguing me (my reactions to things.) The greater the opportunity, the more I would mess it up. I could write a book on all of it... But I just have to say... I have been to ACA, Celebrate Recovery, talked to a few therapists, listened to countless sermons, messages... but I have never heard anyone address my life's issues like you have. I really feel hopeful that I can find true health and have it be consistent. Even though I am older now... there is life ahead. I am counting on Christ's grace and forgiveness for the mistakes I've made. And there have been some stemming from these coping behaviors that I have a hard time forgiving myself for. But now that I have a better and deeper understanding of why I did what I did... I am more compassionate to myself. I love my children and husband dearly. And by God's grace, we do have a kind, loving, happy home. But when they were young... I was in a lot of pain because of in-laws I perceived as very critical and not affirming at all. It occupied my mind constantly. I was loving to them, but I was depressed and preoccupied. Lost days I should have been only focused on my children. I feel so sad about that. But I am thankful God restores. I know this is long...but I just felt the need to say thank you. What a treasure of information, insight and hope. I am sharing your talks with my daughter who has had some struggles as a young adult. God bless and thank you.

[sherryrobinson]

When some people are overwhelmed, they are so in shock, they can't even find the words literally. The mind freezes in disbelief. I had that type of shut down for years.

[RetroResellers]

I’m hoping this series will change my life.

[SpiralMystic]

Everything wonderful except the misuse of ‘Narcissist’.

Self-serving yes, everyone is that while in an acute state of survival. Narcissism is a very different psychological disorder.
Many with CPTSD become quite the opposite, and subsequently attract narcissists who abuse them and further their trauma.

[JustJ-Me]

I came back to this again after watching so many other videos and it still applies. I found myself in tears at least twice because my feelings and what I experience daily were validated. I've been stuck in hypervigilance and hyperarousal every day, all day for some time now and it's so incredibly difficult tolerate and even harder to move away from. It's an unbearable way to "live"/exist. I can't believe this channel doesn't have more subs. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I share this channel on a regular basis because I feel everyone can relate to some aspect of it, if not many or all. I love everything you've been doing to help others, Tim. I'm 40 now, and for the last 10 years I've told everyone I feel like I'm living my life in reverse. I was a workaholic perfectionist that was ultra responsible for so long and now I'm finding myself stuck in my 8/9 yr old mindset, wishing I had those healthy "surrogate parents" that would take me in and guide me like I've always needed. I don't trust myself to know who's healthy and who's not because I've fooled myself so many times before, or I guess I actually didn't understand what "healthy" was, because that's not what I grew up around or navigated towards in my relationships. I am so grateful for how much sense you make, and at the same time I find myself sort of grieving everything I learned and mal-adapted to. 35 minutes of hearing you talk is >15+ years of consistent therapy, medications, and hospitalizations. Thank you 🕊🤍

[maritchuhamel]

I have cptsd from having been raised by a narcissist mother and I am absolutely not a narcissist myself!

[JDobrozsi]

Wow it's so refreshing to hear Tim talk about the maladaptive system of negative thinking when he used the example of someone saying I want to talk to you afterwards. I used to become so unsettled when I heard that but as I have healed a bit I realize it's not always the case.

[leahflower]

What about fawn response? Tons of people use the fawn response, it's the most socially acceptable survival tool also

[thatzmental]

NOT ALL BECOME NARCISSISTS! Some become or are empaths. They feel everything that everyone feels. They can't take care of their own needs and as a result are hurt again and again. They stay longer than they should. They keep giving until they are completely broken down.
You need to update your info on this. You got so much right but this is a very important outcome of complex trauma. You are only focused on addiction coming from one personality type. That's not accurate.
It's important to have all of the information if your are to help those who need it most.

[HappyHolyHealthyLife]

This describes my life so well 🥺🙏 help Lord!

[suebrose]

Fight or flight changes your brain and raises your cortisol until it depletes, causing havac on your body. It causes brain gut issues and long term inflammation. An osteopath or functional Dr can help.

[myaussiebabe]

I'm sitting here listening to every word and I'm not moving.

I feel sick and anxious just listening to this.

My God, I have a seriously maladaptive system.

The moment someone says "can I see you after the meeting/lunch/phone call?" puts me instantly into panic!

I ask, "Am I in trouble?"

I have sabotaged my adult life because I was raped at 7 years old.

I need help and I'm 55 now. What a wasted life.

[rachaelcaruso]

Oh Hallelujah!! I’ve concluded from my experiences that people are far smarter than those judging them assume.

I say this because every mask I developed has actually helped me function in society.

Therefore, when I did the work of “becoming healthy” by getting rid of my coping mechanisms, I got worse.

When you say that addicts are using something to cover up a deeper trauma, you’re finally stating what I’ve discovered, and how I’ve gotten stuck.

[i..am..]

I never had addiction, i knew I couldn't come back from that as a child. I went into meditating to fix myself and learned all of these concepts without the words and organization this man has... what an amazing resource this man is. He's absolutely right stopping the narcissistic ego is excruciating, it feels like you're dying. In tantra they call it ego death. The first ego death is the hardest, after that you've seen your strength, your resilience, you will be amazed as much or more amazed at the creation of a child. You will shed the garbage that was dumped on you and you will emerge a beautiful human being you're so proud of. You won't fear others because you will know who you are. You will become unshakable. Do this process you can do it in a few years. Shed the trash in your psyche and accept it will be very uncomfortable.

[jamiefischer]

You are a gift. I used to say all of my trauma was of my own making. My family did everything to help me “handle life”. I started seeing therapists around age 13. I am now 44. I have battled severe alcoholism off and on until about two and a half years ago, but the truth is, no amount of addiction treatment ever made me feel safe. I know you and Dr. Mate attribute almost entirely all complex trauma to abuse and neglect and abandonment in childhood. So you say the worst consequence of complex trauma is shame. It is not, IMO, a coincidence that I haven't drank in this long. Mostly everyone feared the worst for me. My mom had to go to counseling to accept that Iight die soon. You stated that emotional neglect was sometimes worse than all the rest. My thoughts shifted when I started researching a new concept or symptom of adhd as emotional dysregulation. I was seeing these issues in my 3 year old son, as well as sensory processing issues. So it began for him and turned into a journey for him, of course, but then for me. I see validity in what you and Dr Mate indicate regarding complex trauma and unresolved emotional wounds leading to ADHD later in life. However, for myself, those issues were there my whole life in the form of a continuing inability to cope with life. I've been in and out of rehabs and recovery across 3 states over a 20 year span. From the very first counselor I had in that first treatment I have known only to describe my self medicating as a result of feeling “UNSAFE” out in the world.
I've been saying for a long Ng time “I have lived my whole life in FFF. I've just survived and tried repeatedly to be “honest with myself and others”, as AA directly insists upon for recovery. Thing is, addiction was a symptom. So I've lived with severe anxiety, I “must always feel ok in the moment” I've repeatedly said “big emotions cause instantaneous physiological changes in my body and all I think is “I can't feel thus. I can't handle this, I need to make it stop at all costs.” HERE is where I believe your point about Borderlibe Personality Disorder. My trauma, caused by a brain based inability to properly regulate my emotions caused constant fear and hypervigilence. I believe that I have almost every single characteristic of complex trauma that you talk about in the and many other discussions, as well as the consequences of unresolved complex trauma as toxic debilitating shame and fear and anger. There's my point: I wholeheartedly believe that my years and years of trauma and shame were the result of unidentified emotional dysregulation problems and my parents, nor counselors, therapists. Psychologists, and very pricey renowned dual-diagnosis psychiatrists could explain why I wasn't getting better. In my case, I had a lifelong neurotransmitter imbalance directly related to both ADHD and Addiction in the areas of motivation/pleasure and reward. Complex trauma can result from a failed healthcare system. A system that took ER as a symptom of adhd out of the dam 5 due to its highly subjective nature. You have really saved my sanity bc the shame I walk around with is barely insufferable, if I'm honest with myself. Ignorance in the medical profession AND indirectly AA told me repeatedly “we’ve tried everything. You should be better. Perhaps you are not being honest with yourself and others. Perhaps you are constitutionally incapable of being honest, but don't worry, you were born that way. Keep coming back though! Fircso lng I received the message “you are selfish, self-centered, insecure, lazy. This needs to change. Could you point me towards any workbyouve done on misdiagnosis or complex trauma resulting fromcsaid oversight? Thank you!!