60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 22/33 - Create What They Hate

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People from Complex Trauma often create the very things they hate and are trying to avoid - like abandonment, disrespect and repeating the same mistakes. Why is that? And what can they do to change?

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[volkerd]

I think a big part of this is, beyond "not being able to listen to danger sirens" is not about danger but about safety - not having a reference point of safety to serve as a guide and provide a means for survival.

[joshfrench]

Families systems absolutely hate when someone tries to break the cycle. It's a never-ending battle

[VictoriaVictoryable]

The video barely started, i am already crying 😂😂 . This is too real. May God have mercy and grace for us all!

[BltSpdMaN]

This is so spot on. It’s really shocking how much these videos have opened my eyes to bits of my own behavior. It’s sad, and I have so much healing to do. God bless this man.

[Jsmoovek]

Being a people pleaser is like a survival tool in certain households. The moment you displease and showcase your own way of thinking and lifestyle… it’s like you have to feel shameful for it. I’ve been growing out of this and I definitely started unraveling all the cognitive dissonance in my head in situations it didn’t really need to be there.

[ts]

The short answer is that they subconsciously create situations they want to avoid bc they are 'familiar' with the trauma..etc

[saras.]

33:37 self-fulfilling prophecy…being needy and wanting people to be constantly available and respond to you perfectly every time otherwise they’ve let you down and your belief that everyone disappoints and abandons you is confirmed

[wendyhandley]

I stopped the rot of generational trauma, I didn't have kids, the buck stops here with me, I wouldn't wish this pain on anybody

[juliao]

I have seen that I overexplain, and I haven't figured out how else to handle the situation. It's often the case that I am not getting any feedback from the other person that they understand, so I keep going. I have since learned that most people don't want to understand.

[TinLizzy]

Wow, this was spot on!!!! I am a magnet for relationships that are toxic. My parents were cold, didn’t like babies or toddlers. They were emotionally, physically, and psychologically abusive everyday of our childhood. On top of that, my mothers birth control failed and I was conceived. They hated me for it. I am 50 years old, and I can honestly say the most wonderful experience of my life was becoming pregnant with our son. Determined to raise him completely different from my parents, I did make some of their mistakes, not having any guidance. But I wish there were parenting classes for young women, and more women willing to help new moms in communities. That would have helped me tremendously.

[BetsyRebel]

Wow this describes me perfectly. I am just now starting to realize how much the abuse I experienced all throughout my childhood really affected me. I always thought there was something wrong with me but really it was unresolved trauma that I need help getting healed from.

[elle-louise-selene]

I've come far...

It's a retraining, to trust my gut, because my gut speaks loudly, and to learn consciously what is acceptable and better than, (because I deserve the same care and love that I offer)...in our rules of healthy engagement, AND to be OK with abandoning the wounded (narcissists are wounded).

[trinleywangmo]

Hands down... I've seen thousands of talks in the past five years and this is the most thorough, most succinct description of what it's like.

[Neelysmusic]

Wow this is amazing! I'm a therapist and I got more out of this than I did from trauma trainings that cost $$$$. Thank you! I'm going to keep listening to you. You speak in a way that makes sense to me & would make sense to my clients too. You are helping people with your videos!

[Hammondchris]

Years of therapy and I have learned more here on this channel. Grateful

[APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[AcceptandAct]

Yep. This is very common and also often referred to as re-enactment. Also has to do with unconsciously trying to "resolve" or "undo" or "control" the trauma by putting ourselves in similar situations and expecting / shooting for different overcomes over and over again. We need to learn to be self-aware enough to wake up to this pattern so that we can change it. And a part of being able to do that is learning enough emotion / nervous system regulation so that we can stay self-aware and in control

[sookiebyun]

What I did to please people gave them the reason to not respect me. It look years for me to realize this.

[jasmine]

This is all me but not as a child with trauma, from an abusive marriage for 20 years. The impact is just as hard as the abuse was…. But so worth standing up for yourself

[lauratyler]

So many ways we have been hurt. But only one way to heal: love ourselves.