Having no charisma is ruining your life

[chrisdavidpham]

Some of the most charismatic people I know are the most comfortable with being vulnerable to others. They admit their faults without shaming themselves, they lower their guard for you so that you feel comfortable near them, and they share their genuine thoughts and emotions.

[betterideas]

It's been 8 months since I used a "ruining your life" title and I couldn't hold it in any longer. It is my destiny.

[arlet]

Here are my favorite 'tricks' to show warmth:

1. Have a neutral face (not smiling, not angry) and when you see that person, wait a split second to look them in the eye and then give the warmest smile you have, as if someone just offered you ice cream. This little pause would make them feel that the smile was for them because in that split second, you noticed them, and that made you smile. The same thing works in phone calls - even if you see who is calling, answer with a neutral semi-dry 'hello' and then when you hear 'Hi, it's Suzie, ' have genuine joy and smile, 'Oh! Suzie! Hi! So good to hear you!' Again, they would feel that warmth as directed to them and more genuine.

2. MICRO-touching. Really, really small because you don't want to invade someone's boundaries. But I like to do a super gentle tap on the shoulder to emphasize a point "Yeah, that story was great BUT (gentle touch, more like a tap, lasts maybe half a second) did you know the author blah blah..." When you do this intentionally, it comes off as genuine and bonding than creepy. Learn to read their body language and don't do it too often.

3. Specific compliments. What's better - "You look so beautiful!" or "I love that Rick and Morty T-shirt, you got some style!" One is generic and meh, the other is more specific and makes the other person feel like you are paying attention to the small details. I love to compliment people on things I notice about them and especially their actions, the things they have control over, that resonated with me. It's more original and makes the other person feel seen.

4. Finally - treat people as treasure islands. They are people with life stories filled with gems. Maybe someone has a hilarious story that I wouldn't know if I didn't start asking about who they are. This is the hardest for me because, like Joey in the video says, most people are not charismatic, and they don't know how to tell a story or talk engagingly. But try to be interested anyway. I usually start really small like "What brought you to work here? Oh really! What is your favorite thing so far?" From this question alone I found out there is a closet our work building full of merch that we could take for free. You never know!

[helvaxh]

When I reached the part of the video regarding compliments, I had to pause to share an epiphany I had a few years ago. Compliments can be really easy actually. How often do we see something, that we find remarkable, about a person but we keep that internalized? I took the approach of verbalizing those moments as often as I can remember to. It makes giving compliments really easy. People pick up on the honest enthusiasm and I prefer discussing something I was genuinely interested about. Just don’t be a weirdo. 😄

[cowgrrl]

The most charismatic person I’ve ever met was recently - a retired member of the board for a government agency. He stood confidently, spoke clearly, and looked everyone in the eyes when they spoke and smiled a lot. We asked him a lot of advice in the one day we spent with him and he said that his most important lesson is to “care about the people” and you can tell he truly meant it. This dude was making 250k+ a year and people truly liked him. Now we have a terrible and political board rep and our agency’s productivity has been going downhill since everyone knows he doesn’t really care about the employees.

If you care about people, listen, look them in the eyes, smile, and try to put yourselves in their shoes for even just a minute - people will like you! It’s really that simple (no really!)

[Veltree]

Having charisma is not second guessing yourself- acting with certainty, being genuine to other people and sticking by your principles. It’s also about self respect.

[birdyjireh]

Depression stole my charisma but I'm slowly recovering and getting it back!

[shan]

I used to watch your content a couple years ago back when I was still in college and needed help with studying and time management. It helped a lot. I graduated, got a job, became more successful than I could ever imagine. Eventually I stopped watching your videos as I was doing pretty great in life and felt like I didn't need anymore help. I've grown a lot in the past 5 years but I'm now realizing that so have you. You're more articulate with your speaking and definitely a lot more charismatic compared to 5 years ago. It's really great to see that even after all these years, you're still out there making all this self-improvement content for the world and clearly you don't just give out all this advice, you actually apply it to yourself too and that's pretty evident imo. Keep going my dude! Really good stuff.

[bromandude]

I think another part of having charisma is being genuine. It’s one thing to come off as charismatic but another to ACTUALLY be it. I find it’s really rare nowadays for people to wholeheartedly give a shit about how you’re feeling, what you have going on etc. You can tell almost immediately when someone is being fake and talking to you out of boosting their own ego.

The world needs more people that actually care and want the best for one another.

[Josh-dpiu]

Can we discuss how exhausting it is trying to be charismatic as an introvert in a space full of extroverts. It feels like a chore to come off as likable all the time, and if you’re naturally a “boring” person, or someone who hasn’t experienced a lot of the things the people your age have, it’s even harder.

[Maycolsv]

It's great how you get so accurate with things like people noticing you or darting around.

Truly helpful man, thank you!

[seize]

As I was set on fixing some of my life issues in the past years, I've been thinking a lot about all these points you express in the video as the next natural step to be a better version of myself and have a better influence on the world and those around me. Thanks for putting a name on it !

[Znewts]

I've experienced a sort of ego death over the past few years. I used to be charismatic but life cuts you down and sometimes you just don't know where your past self went.

[tobiasweit]

Or is having no life ruining your charisma?

[seyonkim]

Thank you. I was having a vague feeling like something going wrong with my social relationships, not bad but also not good.. people don’t unlike me but don’t seem to give me respects that I thought they would. I was feeling like I was missing something that I was doing wrong, and was kind of trying to find something in common from people I thought were being respected and that I personally thought as capable of themselves, somewhat cool.. I think I am now having a grasp of how to change myself. I am extremely thankful I ran into your video(channel) in this particular time of my life. This helped me a lot. Definitely subscribed your channel, have a nice day. Love from Korea❤️

[Hifirrrr]

This has to be one of the most personal, deep talks I've heard ever from YouTube. It almost feel like you're talking to me 'personally'. You communicate so well, you don't please anyone, and you state your opinion and being outspoken. Thank you mate. I'll definitely watch this video when I need it.

[mustbecome]

Here's the TRUTH:

One of the best ways to have and develop charisma is to be doing things in your life that you'd be excited if the people you're speaking to found out about.

If you're concerned that people might find out who the loser is underneath the facade of social skills, then true charisma will not shine through. The way out is to have a grind we are on each and every day so that we can create the kinds of things in life we both want to share externally and are intrinsically passionate about internally.

It might be a hard pill to swallow, but there it is.

Thanks BetterIdeas!!

[edge]

You can't have charisma if you don't like other people, and you can't genuinely like other people if you don't like yourself. Those who are at home in themselves (body, mind, spirit) have a clarity and stillness that makes them strongly likeable. Mental turbidity and emotional stress make us feel trapped in our own bodies and separates us from reality. Taking a minute or two to try and feel content -- a feeling of not wanting or lacking anything in the present moment -- can make a huge difference in our behavior moving forward.

[jslj]

""Just be charismatic bro"

[carsonfrith]

I absolutely love how real you are. When you say something or promote something then instantly realize you contradict yourself and so on, that’s my whole life