Therapist Reacts: 'I am too boring for other people.'

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#socialanxiety #nopersonality #therapist

[xyouzoo]

im so boring i can't go out alone with someone, i need at least 2 friends to talk with each other so i can just sit and listen to them because i never have anything to say

[philipgalletta]

i never put it into words quite like this person on reddit did but this has been an insecurity of mine for a long time and watching this video made me realize more people than just me feel this way.

[HaiImCirus]

10:00 "Chat's going so fast nobody will ever know I ate a burger today with a spoon because I was too lazy to clean my other utensils" -Filethesheesh
What the fuck, man?

[jejo]

For anyone who struggles with this, I’d suggest also watching a video literally called “How not to be boring” by the channel The School of Life. Basically, the idea is that being boring comes from a lack of courage or ability to share with others our true thoughts and feelings. When we are boring, it is because we only talk about the “facts” about our lives: where we went, who we were with, how long was the trip etc, and not *how we felt and thought* about those events. That is the part that is interesting to others. Other people love hearing about your real thoughts and feelings about how it feels to be you, because they use that information to better understand themselves.

For example, if you told someone “It was a 5 hour car ride through the state, nothing really happened, we stopped to get gas 3 times, ” that’s boring, but if you said “The car ride was pretty uneventful but it was sad because I remembered making this same trip with my grandad when i was a small child, and I wish I could go on another trip with him again, ” that’s a much more interesting story about the same “boring car ride.”

Either way, check out the School of Life’s video on this for a better explanation, I hope this helps.

[poopmaster]

In my experience, being "boring" is a combination of being inhibited and having a lack of genuine interest interest in other people. People will find it very endearing if you take a genuine interest in getting to know them and are able to emotionally engage them.

[lulWut]

He is the most emotionally self aware person I have ever seen. He can break down his own thoughts and emotions in the middle of having them.

[scrub]

I feel like my parents extreme control over me growing up led to me just not developing a personal identity. To survive I had to obey whatever they told me to do, so now I have a hard time forming my own opinions. I feel like I am boring because I don't have many opinions and I don't have much to add in conversations. When I am playing video games with someone, I am always talking about the game, and I avoid talking about anything personal unless they ask me. The same thing happens when I am just talking to people in general, I avoid talking about myself. Now that I'm writing this out, I think that happens because I have a belief that I don't have enough opinions or content to keep a conversation going. Since games are constantly changing there is a lot to talk about, I need to give them information about where the enemies are, preparing for attacking, etc. I'm not sure how I can work on this

[torbjornkallstrom]

"I have no personality, yet I must tweet" - a horror story for the 21st century

[lari]

I’ve thought about this a lot. I always felt that I’m a really boring person to be around because I don’t talk too much and because I never have anything to contribute to the conversation. I don’t ask to hangout with anyone anymore coz I feel like I just ruin the mood of any group meet up which ended up with me pushing everyone away

[quopi]

I was invited by a good friend of mine to her birthday party once, and i have never felt more awkward and dry that day.
I dont know anyone else besides the friend that invited me. Everyone was talking about things I didnt know about. I sat there not saying a single word as I ate my food. I made up an excuse and left early after giving my bday present.

Honestly that experience still haunts me till this day, I dont know how to put into words how I exactly feel but it was draining to see everyone have fun while I struggle to tag along.

[osamabuhnad]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently but I’ve reached the conclusion: I am who I am, and it’s not my job to interest other people as long as I enjoy myselfs company then I’m all that matters in that way.

[denskidoodles]

This hits so close to home. I have a group of friends who I absolutely love to be with and they're amazing but I really feel anxious being with just one of them because I can't carry a conversation for a long time. I would either make sure there would be at least 2 people with me or I'd make some stupid excuse to not hang out. I'm just more comfortable listening to others.

[tamara.mw.]

Every once in a while I remember the subtle stuff ppl have said to/about me.
"You're so quiet I forgot you were here"
"You don't talk much, do you? You're just there.."
"Hey 'random person', why aren't you more like her? (referring to me). Just sit there with your mouth shut"
The thing is, none of this was said to actively try to hurt me, they were just comments.. yet they managed to reinforce the idea that whenever i'm in a social situation, even if i do try to talk and connect, it's not enough. At all. The only thing I do by being there is take up oxygen.
So here i am. 22 years old, almost last year of university. no friends whatsoever, and not enough money to go out and do activities that would allow me to meet someone new.. Just like OP, i'm in the "what's the point of trying anymore" stage

[ForeverMasterless]

It's really interesting because I, an introvert that used to struggle really badly with social anxiety, have never worried if I'm "too boring." I don't really care if people like me or find me interesting, I'm just happy to get through a social interaction having been a base level of sociable and charming.

My ex girlfriend, on the other hand, who is a hardcore extrovert, has been struggling with this a lot in recent years. She constantly says she feels like she isn't interesting and doesn't have a personality and that all her friends are more interesting than her.

In my experience most people don't want to spend time with you because you're interesting or not interesting. They don't really care about you, they care about how you make them feel about themselves. You can be the most boring person in the world but if you ask them about themselves and show genuine interest in them, they'll like you.

[naenae]

All throughout middle school, I felt as if I just wasn’t an interesting person. I had nothing of value to say, and I didn’t have any cool hobbies that I could speak of. I wanted to talk to people, but I often couldn’t join in their conversations both out of anxiety and lack of input. It was like I could see them judging me for being so bland, and that they were slowly avoiding me because of it. I remember becoming so desperate at one point, I began to watch and do everything that other people were doing/watching, just to fit in. But I eventually got tired of acting fake.

One day though, in my last year of middle school, someone actually began talking to me, and even with my self value issues, they stayed with me. Even when I actively tried to avoid them, they reached out and talked to me almost everyday since. Before I realized it, I had begun having normal conversations frequently with them, and I didn’t need to pretend or stay quiet expecting them to get bored of me.

I realized I changed a bit when saw that I had developed a good friend circle in highschool, now close friends with that person from middle school, and one person walked up to me and literally said “I thought you were just quiet, but you’re actually a really interesting person.”

I still can’t help but feel this way sometimes, but at least it’s not as bad as it was.

[jisstomjustin]

I don't mean to be sadistic but reading the comments knowing im not alone really eases me

[alexrosario]

To anyone experiencing this:

The best workable solution is to simply do things. Go outside and find an adventure, look for hobbies you might enjoy, educate yourself in something you find interesting and/or important, live a life outside of servicing your short-term reward system.

It only takes an active participation in life to become interesting. If you're constantly seeking comfort, you won't find anything of substance or interest because comfortable things in and of themselves are boring and teach you nothing.

Doing things will also teach you about yourself as a person, and there are no uninteresting people on the planet, just people who don't know themselves well enough to keep a conversation going.

[MidnightEkaki]

This is me. Im always thinking more highly of others. I get anxiety over interacting with people who are more succesful in their career and social life, because Im very lacking in those I feel they will look down on me. So I always try to get better at everything so that in the future I can show an impressive hand of cards. But Ive realised most people don't really care that much and what people really care about is authenticity and people who just have good social skills and personality. You dont need to be the most interesting person in the world you just need to be good at those things, its just about practise and self esteem. Those are the areas I need to build on. But... its hard to always remind myself of that.

[franacha]

"You're interesting" "you're a great guy" frases like that only hurt more when you know deep down that they're not true that it's just your friends trying to make you feel better.
I've been told things like these by my friends, but they never seem to realize that they're the one to always bring the new topics and lead the conversation. I can follow, reply, answer, sometimes even have something to add. But it's always me reacting and listening to them. It never comes from my side, I can't begin interactions or keep conversations going by myself.

I wish I could at the very least have the courage to reach out sometimes, but I'm a pathetic coward who can't even look at strangers.

[_Bit]

Personally, I've been there before but I realised a few years later that I don't need to please everyone nor be pleased by everyone and just offer what I have as my current self. If they find me boring that's up to them to decide and if they think I'm fun then I'm cool with that. I even asked that question in my story to see what first impressions I made and what changed from the initial impression and mostly I've gotten cool insights from people I'm cool with, some were funny and some were kind of unexpected. I mainly did this for fun and wanted to see what kind of image I give to my "people". I know I have my moments being super robotic, emotionless self or I'm super outgoing, chatty and a bit trolling to my different groups of friends and they're cool with that.