8 Harmful Things That Parents Say To Their Kids

As parents, we want to support and encourage our children, but sometimes our words can have unintended negative effects. In this video, we'll explore 8 harmful things that parents commonly say to their kids and why they can be damaging. It's important to understand the impact of our words and make an effort to communicate in a way that builds our children up, rather than tears them down. Did you relate to any of these points? Let us know in the comments.

Writer: Enaa Juneja
Script Editor: Michal Mitchell
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: Sun Biscuit

References:

Brown, C. L., Yilanli, M., & Rabbitt, A. L. (2022). Child Physical Abuse And Neglect. In StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing.

Quinto, K. L., Villarez, A., Bermejo, M., Eleazar, E. (2021). Toxic Positivity and Its Role on College Students' Mental Health during the COVID-19 Pandemic. 10.13140/RG.2.2.21244.26249.

[idkidc]

"you're too sensitive" hurts so bad now i'm afraid of crying or feeling sad when im with my parents-

[coded_reaper]

I’ve always hated the “Be greatful, they have it worse” argument. Now I mentally feel like I can’t want anything. My therapist says I’m to minimal sense I never ask for anything and I’m fine with what I have because I don’t want more

[Matrix]

One phrase I used to hate growing up is "Because I said so", lol.
That's the response someone gives when they don't have a good reason for telling you to do something.

[FemboyKaiSaku]

my mum always downplays my pain and says "all you have is college to stress about you, don't go through any pain"

[look-at-this-goofy-ahh-rat]

I’ve heard every single one of these. My mom forces me to wear different clothes to boost her own image, making false promises, basically all of this. That last one hit way to close to home. They let my brother go to therapy because he was feeling down. 5 years later, I ask my parents for therapy and they said my brother had it worse. I asked my brother and he was dealing with the same thing as me. It sucks. My parents are never proud of me, they just see my achievements at the same level of me doing chores.

[lollybirdy]

The toxic positivity is something I've always had to deal with from everyone in my family. Yes other people may have it worse but that doesn't mean my feelings are negated.

[cute_froggy]

"all kids deserve parents, but not all parents deserve kids, "

[bumblebeegamerreal]

Key Timestamps:

1. 00:53 Let me do it - Its harmful when said in a condesending way. Makes child feel incapable, discouraged and less self esteemed. Associated with overparenting.

2. 01:31 Can you change your appearance? - Very harmful, because telling someone that they do not look appealing brings down their confidence and shy away from being themselves. Makes children less happy

3. 02:24 You disappoint me - Very harmful because the child feels ineadequate, and unworthy. They stress out over living up to your expectation

4. 02:46 Its your fault - Very harmful because child feels trauma for a long period of time. Causes negative self judgement

5. 03:26 Why can't you be like them? - Very harmful because child feels ignored and unccapted to be themselves. Causes low self esteem, chonic self doubt, depression

6. 03:51 You're too sensitive - Very harmful because they stop seeking support and struggle in their own emotion. Prone to feel guilty, emotionally unavailable, and having trust issues

7. 04:37 They have it worse than you - Very harmful, because child would feel that their emotions are invalidated. Known as toxic positivity

8. 05:25 We'll do this next time - Very harmful, because child feels betrayed when parents make empty promises.

I'm sorry for whoever went through this

[pierre]

This is why when I lost my dad, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. My therapist says mixed feelings are normal and its ok to feel good and bad.

[TaraTHESecretONE]

I would like to add the most destructive thing my mother ever said, right to my face.
"I wish I NEVER had you."
This was said to me as an adult, and after years of comparing me to others, disliking how i dressed and as an adult going "well, you spend your money how you want, I guess". and so on.

I couldn't stand being around my parents so much that the first chance I could take putting a LOT of physical distance between myself and them, I DID.
Been in therapy for years now and it's been slow progress coming to terms with how this has impacted me but, I've been happier, and I now feel free to wear and be whatever I want.

[playboy_x]

That Toxic Positivity one is very true. It’s always an excuse to neglect or not care about a current situation. This always happened with both my Mexican parents and they were separated.

[janecelee]

I can relate to all the hurtful things. When I was younger, my mom would often pair hurtful statements with hitting/smacking. Although my dad and some relatives just used their words, it didn't make the experience any less painful. As an adult, I learned that when parents, relatives, and other non-related adults say those unnecessarily harsh and cruel things they're just parroting the words they grew up with, thus continuing the cycle of abuse. I remembered a time when I observed a healthy relationship between parent and child ( my best friend and her mom) and was completely mind blown by the interaction. It made me realize the things that I badly needed growing up. I swear to myself that I will never treat people the same way that I was treated.

[ThatIndianaPlanespotter]

"They have it worse than you" What a classic. I have heard that one a lot. Half time I try to open up to them, I get hit with the "They have it worse than you".

Edit: No way Psych2go replied to my comment

[CringeGurl]

„Others have worse” when someone says this it always makes me mad

[devoidash]

Im gonna actually say this.

I was heavily abused by my mother. Right when I was born, she almost never took care of me, only my grandma used to take care of me.

She also keeps calling me fat, says that I look like a " clown " when I try to create a unique style of clothing, and even says that im ugly.

She also keeps saying that most of the things I accidentally do are " it's all my fault ".
She also compared me to my old school friend bc I have struggles on school and I almost didn't got good grades. She calls me dumb, lazy and stuff.

Most of the stuff shown in this video, actually happened to me A LOT. She keeps thinking what she does is the " correct " and whenever im nice to someone outside my house, she goes like " omg with the others you're like ' oOoOo hAvE a NiCe dAy ' but with me you're arrogant ". She always keeps saying this kind of stuff to myself, just because I like being nice to others.

I have some serious trauma issues due to my mother, but she still thinks what she's doing is " the best "

[ladyalmathea]

This speaks so much to me, coming from someone who was always either pressed to the breaking point to be perfect or just ignored in favor of my younger brother. I've long since forgiven them, and I have no resentment towards my brother, but... Deep down... I still remember all those times I felt like I was smothered or just completely alone...

[ationthetree]

My mum used to judge me for the clothes I wear, but that didn't have any impact as she would let it go after me telling her how I don't care. But what I've found from this is that what could have also caused part of my depression was my mum telling me from a young age that I was acting like a baby whenever I would cry, it's only nowadays that she sees that crying is a part of life even at older ages.

[dollyshirokuma]

The most terrifying thing is that many, many people relate to situations described in videos like this one.

[karami]

Emotional neglect was a big one for me growing up. My mom never liked seeing me getting mad or sad. I learned to hide my feelings early on. Whenever I did lash out she would ridicule me or make me feel embarrassed for showing my emotions. As an adult, I have no friends and I can’t make emotional connections with anyone. I just keep everything to myself. Also, I never really learned to cook because whenever I did try, my mom would push me off the stove and do the meals herself. I could still learn but I have no confidence in my abilities.

[catarinaguada]

OMG your animations have evolved a lot! Thank you for creating this community! I hope you guys stay on a good path<3