4 Things Your Toxic Parents Taught You To Believe

Were you raised by toxic parents or narcissistic parents? Whether you grew up with toxic parents or know someone who did, this video will provide valuable insights into the lasting effects of these damaging beliefs. By watching this video, you will gain a deeper understanding of toxic parenting and the steps you can take to overcome its effects. So, whether you are a survivor of toxic parenting or simply interested in the topic, be sure to watch and share this video with others who may benefit from our insights.

Researcher/Writer: Stela Košić
Editor: Brie Villanueva
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Animation: Gabriele Garcia
Project Manager: Cindy Cheong

DISCLAIMER: For simplicity, we'll be using the term parents, but we are encompassing all caregivers within this term. We are also not diagnosing any individuals nor implying parents are bad or toxic. Parents are humans just like anyone else.

REFERENCES:

[trinaq]

It's sad that while our parents usually mean well, they might unintentionally mess us up in ways that we'd never have imagined.

[Goomba]

And then we wonder why some kids have a hard time developing a connection to their parents...

[niasiamack]

It really shows how toxic parents can be without thinking

[PointsAtATime]

Timestamps:
0:20 Never enough
1:33 No less than perfect
2:49 But what did you do for it?
3:59 Hushed voices

[SMGDL]

This is a message for everyone who struggle with this problem. Remember that you don't need to be perfect to be loved. Everyone are perfect as what they are. There's always someone who supports you and makes you feel better. You can always get help somewhere when you need it. Just be yourself and never change.

[temmie_flakes]

Also I absolutely love how this video tells people that they don't need to be perfect to be loved and doesn't hate on the parents for instilling that believe. Instead, it says to seek help, unlike some videos I've seen before. Keep making awesome content!
Edit: Oh my god this is the most likes I've ever gotten...

[MichelleMuck]

My mother was brought up to believe that women should depend on a husband for support. I became my own independent successful woman. 😅

[ramonabdiel]

No matter how much i suffer and how much trauma I endure in life, i will try my best not to pass the pain down to my future kids, and when I fail cause i know i will i’m only human after all, i will get back up and try to fix my mistakes, i will be the best parent i can possibly be even if it means that my kids will still get hurt

[caidelesline]

I'm 17 and my mom says this term to me all the time "Almost doesn't count" and it hurts every time she says it. I try to tell her that it sounds negative, but she goes back at me saying it's encouraging to her and that I need to stop finding the negative in everything.

[shawnkarg]

I grew up in an environment where my parents believed their role was to mold their children into who THEY thought we should be. No matter what I accomplished as far as grades, I felt like I wasn't good enough because I wasn't following their roadmap for what my life should be. And it turned even more toxic when I developed depression for not meeting their standards, as if I should just be happy to conform to their ideals. And it continued into my adult years, until finally, at the age of 42, I finally put my foot down and said "Look, my Fucking happiness isn't up to you, or anyone else."

[THANATOS-PRIME]

When I was growing up, my parents both dealt with their own substance-abuse issues.

My dad was always gaslighting me to do stuff. I didn’t wanna do my whining and trying to make me like his friends kids that were always into sports.

Mom had a really troubled childhood and tried justifying it or repressing it by drinking excessively. They both tried to have the mentality of powering through one’s struggles, and that certain emotions such as crying were not to be tolerated. For many years, I was taught to hate crying It was never able to properly express my emotions.

A couple years ago, I got myself into therapy, moved out on my own and have cut off contact with most of my family. I’m on decent terms with my father and sadly my mother passed away back in April.

In a way, all the crap I had to deal with helped shape who I was but I want to convey to people that you are not your parents and you don’t have to repeat the same story if you do not want to

“Tell your story because nobody else can.” -Kevin Smith.

[BeaIsBi]

My therapist has told me that I have a pattern of lashing out at people, I’m starting to think that was taught to me by my dad.

[samuelrobles]

Literally everything my parents did to me growing up

[Bulky]

One time I got in an argument with my mother. We always used to get in heated arguments, they were awful. But this one, our grudges carried on to the next day, and when I was eating breakfast, she came home from the grocery store and she immeadietly yelled at me for not saying Good Morning. She then proceeded to bring up our pasts arguments and things that have happened because of them, saying the evil inside me was bound to do it again.

[ViltzkuH]

I've always thought that my parents never wanted harm for me; i just understood them wrong. Now i believe my parents didn't know better when they raised me. But however it is: I love my parents. They're not perfect and neither am I. Even though I thought i need to be, to be enough and accepted💜

[bumblebeegamerreal]

Since I see lots of Timestamps people, its time to raise the stakes up

1. Never enough (0:22) : Your toxic parents set too many unreasonable expectations and taught you to doubt yourself to the point of contemplating and wondering about big things like relationships. You also begin to please other people and feel unworthy.

2. No less than perfect (1:35) (Its in the thumbnail too) : Your toxic parents may be controlling and demanding and belittle you for every mistake or when things dont go their way which makes you very scared of making mistakes.

3. But what did you do for it (2:48) Your toxic parents teach you to assume that love is conditional. Or in other words, they teach you to believe that Love is something to be earned, not a necessity. They teach you to make them happy/appease them to be loved.

4. Hushed Voices (3:58) Your toxic parents silence you and believe your opinion is less important than theirs. They teach you to believe that you do not deserve to have a voice, even though its not true. This also makes you unsafe to talk about how you feel, because they inadvertently taught you that you won't be listened.

*How to overcome them: Seek professional help, do therapy. Find a suitable therapist/psychologist to help you. Find kind and accepting people. If its too much for you, cut off contact with toxic parents. You are not alone :)*

[TheFarSideNoob]

I love my parents, but as an adult I can recognize how their mental health struggles had an adverse effect on me. Their erratic mixture of loving, neglectful, and abusive behavior meant I spent my childhood in survival mode. I constantly felt the need to have to prove myself to be noticed and loved, while at the same time, I had to keep my head down in order to avoid being the target of abuse.

The result of this trauma has been an unfortunate cocktail of negative behaviors: perfectionism, self-doubt, self-censoring who I am in order to not upset people, and of course, massive trust issues. It's been an uphill battle, but fortunately, both living on my own and finding a circle of people who appreciate and accept me for who I am has been a tremendous help in navigating these obstacles.

And also, you guys have been a huge help too, thank you so much for putting these videos together! ♥

[pierre]

It’s true. When my father passed away last year, the best way to heal through all the trauma and suffering was to tell myself I deserve better and move on.

[hkvebfg]

Welp, I’ve been called out :)
It’s true. I felt like my opinions didn’t matter because I had to fit the standers of my parents. This one time I was on the call with my friend and they heard my parents fighting. They knew what it felt like having parents that always fought for no reason half the time. So I felt better with my friend and not gonna lie I’m glad I met her. We are almost the same person at this point 😅

[wayneheidlebaugh]

Oh boy, Been there and had that happen all through child hood and into early 20s. I could never live up to my father's expectations! He would give me a tough job to and I do my best to do it then he yells at me because it's taking too long and when I work at it faster mistakes are made and he grabs my hair and shakes me while yelling at me! When something was missing I get blamed for it! I just look my father in the eyes and just calmly tell him truthfully that I had nothing to do with it only to get slapped hard and be called a liar! This is the biggest reason he kept me out of school! For years I've wish something would happen to him so I never have to see his ugly face ever again. Finally someone helped me out of that situation and life was getting better. Several years later I hear my father passed away. I didn't mourn him but instead celebrated his passing. He'll have lots to answer for in his final judgement, that's for sure.