Why Are Narcissists So Mean?

Narcissists are defined by their need to control and their inability to empathize. And as a byproduct of their dysfunctional character, they routinely resort to mean behaviors. Why do they feel justified in doing this? Dr. Les Carter explores this tendency and discusses ways to deflect their unruly attitudes.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[HippieGoddess]

They’re mean but want to appear like angels. Especially covert narcissists.

[HeeersEllery]

The meanness was ultimately a Godsend for me. If it wasn’t for the meanness, it would have just been the gaslighting slowly driving me crazy and further into severe depression. The meanness was the catalyst that allowed me to say that I’ve had enough of being treated like sh** and finally end the relationship.

[jodcindy]

A lot of them think their sarcasm, irreverence and bitchiness is attractive, or appealing. To me, it's an instant (and permanent) turn-off.

[Jackie-dmye]

They’re not always mean. They can be super nice..when they want something from you!

[shelley]

They are notorious for going for the jugular vein, and then act like it was no big deal. The ironic thing is they think they are the nicest person in the room. When they reveal their ugliness you never look at them the same again.

[jessicayoung]

Goodness they are more than mean, they’re like downright evil. They insult and like hurting others. Especially when they’re in the middle of a narcissistic rage. They can also be nice when they want something from you.

[krejados]

Their meanness is yet another way to dehumanize you.

[amyjo]

This is my husband 100%. We are separated now and WILL be divorcing. He actually came out and told me he was an asshole like he was proud of who he wants to be. He is the meanest person I've ever met except maybe my father who is also a narcissist. I have never been SO glad to be away from someone in my whole

[tedschmitt]

If you asked a narcissist those questions, they would fly off the handle.

[DiamondCutter]

Many of them hold their meanness as a badge of honor. They're proud of it.

[vickibazter]

The pain is great. If you don't do exactly what they want when they want it, they try to emotionally destroy you.
They break every promise that they swear to keep. They don't care who they hurt. They claim to love you but always flip into drama before intimacy.
They do not care. They do not nurture. They use people as tools.

[vintagebabyseventythree]

‘I have no desire to clear my name in your book of fiction’
Don’t remember where I read that but I thought it was liberating.

[lindabell]

They enjoy hurting others, with spiteful words and deeds. They are restless and generally never seem to be content.

[persefone]

Honestly, I think the narcissist is an extremely good actor. They actually rehearse and practice and plan pranks and manipulative techniques ahead of time. They are focused on money, a lot of the time, and getting whatever it is they want. When they cry, it is a big show. When they’re angry, yes, they could actually hurt you, but is the anger honestly for manipulation purposes? Most of the time, yes. They are proud of themselves for being con artists and doing what they do to people daily and frequently each day. They really love the power and control.

[TheQueensWish]

The number one reason they are mean is to get to supply! They love seeing us uncomfortable, they love our reactions and seeing us roast on a slow spit that they turn round and around. Yep. That’s basically it. It’s their fun. Their sport! And everyday it’s the Olympics for them.

[lisafrankenstein]

One of my favorite quotes, some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others

[chrischristides]

The Narcissists that I have personal dealt with are very toxic miserable people.. sad existence, life is to short, have a great day...

[azaramoon]

Dont reason with them as though they are humans with integrity, they are not.

[leazy]

The constant state of anger and temper tantrum after temper tantrum is so exhausting and draining. That whole atmosphere of tension and unease they generate is awful.

[EmperrHrde]

Narcissists are more than just mean. They manipulate every situation to make themselves look like the one who's being bullied. They know exactly what sticks in your craw, and they exploit those weaknesses mercilessly, making *you* irritable and short-tempered, and thus appear to be the abusive one. I am RELATED to a person like this.