Dating Coach Explains Why Nice Guys Actually Finish Last

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Chris and Adam Lane Smith discuss why nice guys tend to finish last. Why do nice guys finish last according to Adam Lane Smith? What advice does Adam Lane Smith have for the nice guys of the world? Why doesn't simping work according to Adam Lane Smith?

#dating #relationships #relationshipadvice

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[killgriffinnow]

I suspect the “nice guy who quietly gets depressed and suicidal from loneliness” is WAY more common than the “nice guy who gets angry from loneliness”, but no one really gives a shit about the former.

[shiggzay]

It’s not being nice that turn women off. It’s being needy, over pleasing, and not having direction or confidence. Their are tons of nice guys with girlfriends.

[davida.taylor]

"You prioritize your own safety over actually taking a stand for your morals." Man, that hit home, well said.

[alf]

there's no reason to remain nice if a girl is treating you like shit, if she's nice you're nice, if not, you don't need to be nice either.

[tgheretford]

Nice guys don't finish last. They don't finish. Plenty of examples in video and comment form on this site where men were given good faith advice to be nice to women by family and peers, did so in their twenties, failed, realised it was bad advice and now face their 30's and beyond alone, no chance of finding someone regardless of self-improvement and physical fitness. Because they missed the boat and now face climbing a mountain to find a stable partner and a cliff if they want their own children.

[realistic_delinquent]

Love according to a man: “I am willing to die for this person”

Love according to a woman: “This person is willing to die for me”

Gents, make your definition of love RECIPROCAL and you will not be so frequently burned.

[Khan-rzqi]

Nice guys don’t just come from abandonment issues, they come from a standard model of dating that’s traditionally taught to boys and men since birth. We don’t raise boys to be smooth talkers are good at the game, we raise them to be good long term providers when they grow up to be men. They keep getting contradicting results as a result, while the guys who got it figured out are scoring nicely. Let’s start being more honest with men, starting from the way we raise them since childhood.💯

[PowuhToSeven]

Most girls think "if he's timid in the streets, he's gonna be timid in the sheets." And guys need to be confident enough to talk to a woman. Douches have no problem batting 1-100 in getting rejected

[abdihakimereg]

In my opinion calling "Needy" guy a "nice guy" is bad idea. We cannot associate the word "Nice" a negative connotation.

[elimgarak]

Pro tip men. If you like her more than she likes you, pack your shit now it'll never work. Relationships always work best when the woman is more interested in the man.

And for Christ sake stop going to bars. Look in places with hobbies and like minded interests, you'll skip much of the akward "what do we do" dates. Next step is getting to know your partner instead of looking to bang. Save that for marriage. A. You'll live. B. Your relationship will be statistically better than those who don't wait, by leaps and bounds.

And for the love of god stop moving in with your girl/boyfriend after a few months/year. Wait until you're getting married and then get a house in order.

[artshoey]

This conversation seems too simplified with multiple ideas being conflated to "niceness". When my husband began to pursue me, loads of kind acts and gifts from him, and while it may have been a bit overwhelming initially, what I appreciated about it was the lack of ambiguity. So we got down to business and discussed exactly what we wanted and got married 4 months later. He is no pushover, by the way, and definitely wears the pants in the relationship and is a good businessman. We've passed 3 years of marriage, had a child, and are doing very well. I have to mention, we are in a different (non-Western) cultural context tho.

[migy]

They should define “nice guys” in this context. The term is too vague.

[seancosgrove]

Men: I want a woman who is pretty and agreeable. So I'll be agreeable too
Women: I want a man who is high status financially. So I'll spend my 20's accumulating resources and look for a husband in my mid 30's
People get into trouble assuming that men and women are attracted to similar attributes. They are genuinely surprised and think they "did everything right".

[darkwolff]

I dont think this dude knows what agreeable means in the psychometric sense 😂. He literally called every man in a public facing job a weak simp

[antonio]

If Nice Guy is Chad, he is spoiled for choice

[spindriftdrinker]

This discussion is interesting and intelligent, but it is sure a romance killer. Speaking for myself, I am an average guy - and when I got married many years ago I was totally happy with my wife's attractiveness and sexiness and still am all these years later. I had spent quite a long time on the dating scene, too. Men, just keep leading your best life and have faith that things will work out OK eventually.

[lewynld]

People and sometimes women mistake generosity for weakness. There is a big difference between a guy trying to propitiate and a guy who just likes to help. Any sort of begging or bribery is doomed to failure, especially if you want an actual partner imo. There is a confusion here between being a nice guy and a decent guy. Trust is earned long term.

[xeropunt]

‘A generous person may not have wisdom: but, unlike others, he has the means to gain it.’

Different reasons of being nice.

I’m nice, as a duty, and also as a touchstone to see OTHER’s level of kindness, in any situation, and as a nice “no-fault party” - when driving on the roads for ex. Accidents DO NOT happen around me.

Then I know who my worthy friends are…If I’m an ass or playing games, I’ll never truly know who/what soured the relationship.

Plus I’ve developed myself, my self-work, in the process, so there’s never real loss. As you use kindness, you start becoming wiser as to who, when, where & how much to be kind.

“Too nice” is an option, but not the rule. It’s unsustainable.

Find the right level of kindness. As it has limits:

'Pick up a bee from kindness, and learn the limitations of kindness.'

In regards to danger; JP says it best:

“You should be a monster, an absolute monster, and then you should learn how to control it."

Be strong, be kind, get wiser.

[NarcSurvivor]

Nice guys always finish last. They get manipulated, used and abused by narcissists.

[PermanentExile]

This is a gross oversimplification. He is lumping many things into one pot, calling it bad, and saying it’s absolute. The “advice” men are getting these days seems extreme on both ends.