How to Heal From Your Childhood Wounds | Enneagram Type 9 | Enneagram & Coaching

For an ENNEAGRAM 9, their wounding message is “It’s not ok to assert yourself.” Once you realize this wounding message, it’s easy to see how that has ingrained the type 9’s core desire and core fear.

Each and every single person will develop a wounding message (sometimes called childhood wounds or childhood patterns). We develop these very early on in childhood and they become an inner voice that keeps us from being free long into the adult years. These (untrue!) wounding messages of each enneagram type are things that we either actually heard or things we perceived to be true as children and usually they are so unconscious that we use them as the measurement as to which to live by as adults.

SAY HI ON SOCIAL

VIDEOS I REFFERENCED

TIMESTAMPS
0:00 Enneagram Type 9 "It's NOT okay to assert yourself"
:45 Who is the Enneagram Type 9?
1:04 Enneagram 9 Basic Desire
1:19 Enneagram Type 9 Basic Fear
1:40 Basic Weakness of the Enneagram 9
2:56 Childhood Pattern Enneagram Type 9
5:16 Wounding Childhood Message Enneagram Type 9
9:09 Lost Childhood Message Enneagram Type 1
10:43 What does the Enneagram Type 9 need to learn?

FOR BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY ⬇⬇⬇

HIRE ME FOR A TYPING SESSION ⬇⬇⬇

ENNEAGRAM FUN STUFF

ABOUT ME
►Hi, I'm Hillary! Welcome to my channel, Enneagram and Coaching! I love teaching a simplified way for you to understand the Enneagram while developing clarity and compassion for yourself and the people in your life!

Thanks for watching, liking and subscribing!

FTC Legal Disclaimer - Some links found in the description box of my videos may be affiliate links, meaning I will make commission on sales you make through my link. This is at no extra cost to you to use my links/codes, it's just one more way to support me and my channel! :)

#enenagramandcoaching #enneagram #typology

[anitadodd]

"Children should be seen and not heard" was a regular saying in my house. I let my kids be seen and heard! <3

[susansommer]

Low maintenance! I used to be proud of the fact that I was a ‘low maintenance’ wife. A ‘don’t make waves’ approach to life. I believed this was a positive trait. I never saw this as a learned behaviour.

[jasonwilkerson]

Thank you, Hillary. I completely agree. I'm an older guy in his 50s, INFP, 9w1, sp/sx. I studied the Meyers Briggs since the 90s before the internet and recently a deep dive into the Enneagram, the last 2 years. Took a couple of classes with Dr. Tom.

You hit it on the head. Literal slothfulness is maybe for the younger teen, younger twenty something 9, and I'm sure some adults, but our real struggle is finding our voice. It's painfully sad not knowing what we really want out of life. To do what we want without shame or guilt. I've merged with jobs and personal relationships over the years that did not help this core issue. I certainly learned my lessons from those relationships, but they didn't help me figure out what I want to do. I'm finally at a crossrods with a possibly life-changing tranistion. I pray on it. 🙏🏼

Thank you for this.

[allieyates]

I'm a 9w1 and I was never told from an outside person that I needed to stay quiet etc. I traumatized myself with the "need" to be perfect. I grew up with so much self doubt and my parents knew not to say anything about my grades because they knew I was beating myself up anytime I made a B. I had a pretty privileged childhood but I've always been my own worst enemy. Therapy is helping with that. But you saying "Your presence matters" made me actually tear up. Because I've always told myself I don't matter.

[jmvanzalinge]

I am a 9 and so much of the feelings resonated with me but I couldn't figure out what would have made me see through that lens of that I needed to be a wallflower to avoid conflict until a memory from my toddler years occurred to me. My sister is a year younger than me, I am the oldest, and she had a lot of tummy problems as a baby. She only ever wanted mom or grandma. So the habit of accommodating those desires went on for years. I remembered a time from when I was probably 4 years old and I wanted to hold my mom's hand into the store. But my sister made a fuss so she got mom and I got dad. I remember realizing in that moment that because I could handle it, what I wanted wasn't always going to be given to me. And over the years as I tried to say things, they would either get blown over or misunderstood so not addressed. It didn't help that my mom's a 1 and so whatever she thinks is "correct" is what happens. At some time I started just mumbling the few comments I had because they weren't going to be heard anyway. And this wasn't just at home, it was at school, church, etc. I learned to keep my opinions to myself, especially if my opinions only really affected myself, because saying them wouldn't make a difference anyway. I had a hard time making friends and preferred to be solo and reveled in the fact that if I was on my own I could talk to myself and think straighter than around others because I pushed so many of my thoughts down around others. Amazingly, I came across a very patient boy in high school that encouraged me to speak my mind. He now my husband, an 8, and although I still don't communicate perfectly, I am on a better track now at realizing what I want and voicing it than I ever have been before.

[joellenlevitre]

Have never heard the 9 called "comforter", but it is so true!

[PurplePandaAshley]

Ennegram 9 here. I actually discovered recently I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and I actually didn't have a bad childhood at all. I think I just an an empath and saw more emotion than I needed to and became a 9 as a coping mechanism to numbing to it. But now that I am older, I have embraced both sides of it....I love that I am able to see people and understand them but that I also need time to myself to withdraw and reset my emotions to be healthy.

[TheEternalSamurai]

As a type 9, I just want to say, thank you for this video.
I feel like I’ve been on this journey of finding my true self to express to the world, and it makes sense with how I fear asserting myself has held me back on that. Something I need to work on for sure.
Thanks again for the video, Hillary.

[jimm]

When I heard you say “your presence matters” I immediately got something in my eye 😢

[DanMark]

Thank you so much for sharing your insights! As a 9(w1), I was very fortunate to be raised by a compassionate mother who understood me. She made sure I did not hide the proverbial "light under a bushel". I think we all would do better if we have trusting relationships with people who can give us "less assertive types" a loving nudge, especially when we fall asleep internally.

[sweetpeasandyarrowaranchdi]

I felt very loved by both parents and was the baby of 6 kids. When I look back, my siblings were the ones that made me feel bad😂. They were a few years older, loud, crazy and put me in my place constantly. What's ironic now, is I have a good relationship with all of them, but they don't all talk to each other. Typical 9🤣

[rhiacane]

I finally feel seen. Thank you this is completely me, narc parents are the worst

[aleyyyyynaaa]

As a nine, i'm really dealing with conflict with my friends, family or the people i know. This channel makes me feel better, thanks a lot🥰

[Liebessucher]

Thank you so much Hillary! This was really helpful. ❤️

[michellecooper]

Thanks so much Hillary, this was super helpful. I definitely struggle with feeling unwanted and unimportant because I'm not as fun and entertaining as other people. But I know when I'm confident and with people I trust, that's not true. It's just so easy to forget when the voice inside my head points out little things people say or do or don't do.

[rhondad]

Thanks for this video. As a 9 having had a rough childhood, this really resonated with me. ❤

[ZachReynolds]

Loved the intro I think it did a good job of grabbing attention. Keep it up!

[francesca.pellegrino]

Hey, thank you for sharing this. My partner said it was very cathartic for him to watch this. And he felt better afterwards too.

[jojoco]

Love how easy your channel is to understand!

[jaysarchive]

love how you suggested to think about one way you asserted yourself after each day and if it felt like you “took part of you back.” That touched me and really made me think. I feel like sometimes as nines we need to take back those dreams and parts of us that we’ve fallen asleep to and forgotten about. those are parts of us we deserve to have. sometimes we just need to take a stand for who we are and realize it’s completely okay. once we have that healthy sense of our own needs and worth we become more present, not only to ourselves but also to everyone around us. then we can really make a difference and help others.