Gabor Mate: Your Partner Choice Reveals Everything! The Hidden Cost of Ignoring Trauma

In this episode, Dr. Gabor Maté, a world-renowned expert on trauma, stress and addiction, reveals how childhood experiences and emotional suppression deeply shape our relationships and overall wellbeing.He explains how unresolved trauma from our early years can lead to stress and challenges in adult relationships, and offers powerful insights on how embracing vulnerability and authenticity can foster healing and transformation in both one's personal life and relationships.
Whether you're dealing with relationship challenges or seeking personal growth, Dr. Maté’s wisdom provides a path to healing and improvement, by understanding the root causes of emotional suppression and learning to live more authentically.

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00:00 Introduction
01:52 Career Change Tips for Older Adults
04:27 How the Mind-Body Connection Impacts Relationships
11:51 How to Choose the Right Partner for Long-Term Happiness
13:08 Why Authenticity Matters in and out of Relationships
16:19 How Childhood Attachments Shape Your Adult Relationships
18:25 How to Be Your Most Authentic Self the Power of Saying No
28:41 How Social Status Affects Relationships
29:54 Different Types of Stress and How to Manage Them
36:37 Is Your Partner Hurting Your Well-Being
44:54 How to Develop a Secure Attachment in Relationships
49:10 The Health Effects of Avoidant and Anxious Attachment Styles
54:03 The Link Between Addiction and Attachment Styles
01:02:15 What Is Trauma and How Does It Affect You
01:05:41 How Many People Are Living with Trauma Today
01:07:30 How to Heal from Trauma and Move Forward
01:12:02 Important Topics That Need More Attention
01:15:24 Most Memorable Conversations on Relationships
01:17:24 Key Takeaways from This Discussion

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[chafaq]

Reading Gabor's "In the realm of hungry ghosts" saved me from a very dark path of addiction. I went sober because of this man and he triggered an avalanche of change in me. It's been a year of therapy, yoga, sobriety, hiking, practicing vulnerability and opening up and that is coming from an avoidant. I loved the part about awareness. All what i mentioned above was very helpful but it really comes down to awareness. It changes everything. Trauma defines and impacts our lives in unimaginable ways. Big up to everyone's looking inside and committed to heal. Its a wonderful journey. Love everyone 💓

[simonejdevone]

I hope that these childhood trauma conversations can spark more conscious parenting 💛

[daniellereeve]

“relationships are the most powerful spiritual work you will ever do”. This really resonated deeply 🙏❤️

[julieterrell]

I'm such a student of Gabor's that I just noticed something. His authenticity is so true that he even asks "Am I talking too much?" I cannot WAIT to actually say this when I question it myself. That's beautiful! Imagine being SO REAL that you actually say the things that come to mind without filtering it to be pleasant or to hide your questions about your own behavior? I'm FASCINATED by him!!! Mostly because being authentic has made me more happy than any other thing I've ever know. It's a security blanket for the soul❤🎉

[jessieoliver]

I think his humility draws people. Gabor is confident in what he understands and can share, but not arrogant, which makes him approachable.

[KathrynSnow]

I think on the surface, we hear “pick your partners better” but in reality, it’s all about healing and healing together. We will keep picking the wrong partner until we are secure and aware.

[lavinsamuel]

The calmness in Gabors voice is so amazing.

[bethdouty]

This is so powerful. What's so amazing is just last week I told my husband of almost 40 years that I thought that two dysfunctional people who stayed married and worked through problems were often the most successful. This man reiterated this tonight. We both have to work on out trauma responses which I have started to do. I think what does work in our marriage is that we always talked over our problems and resolved them to both of our satisfaction. We also have moral standards and shared values. I really feel we have grown together. I'm glad there's proof to back this.

[risperkariuki]

I love Dr Gabor voice, he is like my dream grandfather telling you stories that could really save your life in the most beautiful voice. Such positive contribution to our lifetime. Thank you..

[ZendelAtkinson]

Every relationship experiences challenges, but there is always a way to progress. My marriage was tested by significant problems, but with appropriate help, my wife and I worked through them and strengthened our bond. Solutions are available if you’re ready to put in the effort and work together. Stay hopeful—there’s always a way.

[hfortenberry]

Thank you for having Gabor on your show! His wisdom is such a gift. On a separate note, please stop interrupting the interview in order to repeat what Gabor is saying. It comes off like you need the attention to be on you and/or that you think Gabor needs you to explain what he just said. He doesn't. And it wastes our time when you repeat him.

[RajIntuitiveHealer]

My goodness, first the Gottmans and now Gabor—you’re dropping pure gold! Your podcast has quickly become one of my top favorites!

[iamstephenahart]

Right out the gate, I’m so inspired that he pivoted and was first recognized at 55 👏🏾👏🏾 Inspiration that I/we can still make something amazing of our lives at any age / stage. As he said “Just keep doing your work” 👏🏾👏🏾

[pjstrait]

When we are healed, we find peace.
All is well. 🥰

[pixie]

36:58 I allowed myself to be chosen even though I didn't want to get married on my wedding day. Worst decision of my life. Trying to work out why I abandoned myself...not upsetting or letting down others. And for my own part, wanting security at the beginning of adult life. Emotionally abused as a child, I was unable to say what I thought and be authentic

[Elbow]

Just discovered this podcast due to seeing Gabor Matè as your guest. You’re an amazing interviewer, Paul. Possibly the most calming, natural and captivating conversation with Dr Matè that I’ve watched to date. I subscribed 20 minutes in. Love from Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💚

[maryjokenny-koch]

So true; I married both my parents' dysfunctions! I ended up getting an autoimmune condition because of the unhealthy marriage. I am now divorced.

[LydiaKim-eo]

Thank you . Dr. Gabor
You made me realize and understand myself finally.
I chose wrong people due to traumas in my childhood but didn’t know what I was doing until recently. I am 64. I wasted so much of myself in anger and resentment. I am free emotionally now due to your books and videos.

[WhiteTomato]

I love your wisdom @DrGabor! Good one for me was when you said “Your partner is not killing you. You’re killing yourself by being with a partner like that 😂