'We Learn It Too Late' - 5 Regrets Trapping People From A Life Of Purpose & Meaning | Gabor Maté

Since his first appearance on Feel Better Live More, way back in 2018, Dr Gabor Maté has become a valued friend, as well as a regular guest. I’m proud to say that he recently joined me in London as a guest speaker on the Prescribing Lifestyle Medicine course that I co-created with Dr Ayan Panja, to teach healthcare professionals the principles of lifestyle medicine.

We recorded this conversation - Gabor’s 4th appearance on my show - a couple of weeks ago in London the day before that event, and we both agreed that it is perhaps our favourite conversation to date.

For anyone not aware, Gabor is respected the world over as an expert on trauma, stress, addiction and childhood development. He is a physician, speaker and international bestselling author of some truly game-changing books such as When the Body Says No and The Myth of Normal - which has just come out in paperback.

As this is Gabor’s 4th appearance on my podcast, I was keen to explore some new ground and different topics. Gabor has worked as a family doctor as well as in palliative (end of life) care. Back on Episode 383 of this podcast, I had a wonderful conversation with Bronnie Ware, author of the book, The Five Regrets of the Dying and I thought it would be interesting to examine each of these 5 regrets, through the lens of Gabor’s thoughts and work.

We chat through all five of these regrets and Gabor provides some thought-provoking insights on each of them. He explains why we work so hard to the detriment of time with family and friends. We talk about how disease can be a teacher, why it’s vital children grow up able to express their emotions, and how we wish more doctors were aware of the connection between emotions and physical health.

We discuss happiness and if it’s possible to be happy or seek happiness when there is so much suffering in the world. This leads us on to talk about the nature of forgiveness, curiosity, compassion, and also regret. Gabor says that living life with ‘no regrets’ is about learning and understanding from your perceived mistakes, but not being unkind to who you were then. Instead we should recognise that we did the best we could do at the time.

Like all of my previous episodes with Gabor, this is a powerful conversation full of compassion, knowledge and wisdom. I hope you enjoy listening.

#feelbetterlivemore
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Connect with Gabor:
YouTube: @drgabormate9132

Gabor's books:

#feelbetterlivemore #feelbetterlivemorepodcast

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DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

[billfarley]

Tuesday, April 30 I turn 90 years old. From a personal point of view, that's an even bigger milestone than 80. However, I agree with Gabor. It's just a number. I know my time is limited, but I take take each day as it happens, enjoy my kids and grandchildren and try to be in the moment. (Wife passed 8 years ago.) The listed regrets are no longer in my life. Gabor is a treasure and should be recognized in a meaningful way.

[FireOElijahMC]

Thanks to these two gentlemen for sharing the facts with us. It's crazy how nobody is talking about a book Health and Beauty Mastery. I think they are trying to censor it for exposing industry secrets.

[philippedefossez]

Gabor Maté deserves a Nobel Prize for his work.

[sambracks]

Can't believe this man is Hope he lasts many many more !!!❤

[patchab]

The five regrets they discuss:
1. Living a life that others want you to, rather than being true to yourself (3:26)
2. Working too much (18:52)
3. Not expressing your emotions (32:51)
4. Not staying in touch with friends (53:14)
5. Not letting yourself be happier; no playfulness or joy (57:26)

[kariannelalli]

This man truly was pivotal in saving my life. I dont say that lightly. Forever grateful.

[Deanriley]

I’m not far from 80 and never loved my life so much; I’m healthy, very active, engaged in issues I care about and generally feel like I have most of my adult life but with less stress and more gratitude. I’m like my house, needing attention sometimes, but still in good shape and I expect us both to keep standing for a good while yet.

[stephaniepiazzese]

I am turning 72. The past “ suppression” caused me health problems, anxiety, depression, anger. Now, , , I just do not SUPPRESS. IM TACTFUL, I’m
Kind, but I just say what I feel. I say “ no” a lot. I’m happier.
Love Gabor. Always learn so much. Love him. ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[paulmitchell]

A flower is still beautiful when rain falls on it.

[wangcheng]

A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient

[coucou]

Exactly: Saying NO to what doesn't feel right for you

[Chelsennnn]

I’d give my life savings to be able to spend a week with Dr Gabor. I love his calm voice and way of teaching ❤

[MrJetMango]

Gabor I know you prolly wont read this but just wanted to say THANK YOU man, for everything you did for the rest of us!

[christinesmall]

Just started The Myth of Normal. It will take me a year to read. I keep going back and reading over and over every page. So many moments of “wow, that makes sense, that’s me, that explains it, etc., etc.” I am addicted to Gabor Mate. Listening to him literally brings my blood pressure down. He is amazing

[mizi]

I never get tired to hear Dr. Mate. Thanks for having him.

[georgemooyman]

It's hard to be content in a fallen world. But at now aged 71 I am learning I can be.

[jwsuicides]

I've lived my life in reverse. Went through the "old experiences" when I was young. My school friends now experiencing or facing what I went through so young. The "courage" thoughts here were very useful. A therapist told me "you did the best you could". I've been too soft in the past and got taken advantage of, but the things I regret are when I've been too hard. Still learning though. I hope I stay alive long enough to properly learn. I don't fear dying - just the manner of it and what I leave behind for the people I love. I've made mischievous plans for when I'm gone so that people laugh a lot.

[BushyHairedStranger]

I really really enjoyed meeting and speaking with him in 2017 in Oakland. Approachable, great sense of humor, down to earth guy with objective interest in EVERYTHING! Happy birthday Gabor, may you live another 20 healthy happy years!

[suzannadwyer]

Fabulous discussion. I liked Gabor's comment on his age. So true. I became 82 recently and the numbers really don't matter the way I thought they would when much younger.

[verasartorius]

How wonderful to listen to Gabor..he speaking what I think too..I am 82..still working..I am a healer.. life is so interesting..I do not care ..I love myself..love what I am doing and intersted in life..in creative ideas..traveling and all about modern developement..THE BEST AGE IS ALLWAYS NOW❤Thanks Gabor love what you say!!