When Narcissists Use False Empathy

It's somewhat common (amazingly) for narcissists to claim that they are quite empathic. What's that all about? Dr. Les Carter describes how narcissists can give the appearance of empathy, yet evidence later shows it was one of their manipulative tactics. Your task is to familiarize yourself with the ways they portray false empathy, and why. Knowledge is power, and your insight into this trend is essential in knowing how to respond to it wisely.

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted more than 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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Join Dr. Carter on our Facebook page, Surviving Narcissism, for a time of live questions and answers each Thursday at 11:30 Central Time, U.S.

[quarentinedlove]

They pretend to have empathy to get information to hurt you later NEVER let your guard down around them

[tomekamontegue]

After having just a simple conversation with narcissist makes you feel heavy. They never really have nice things to say about people, and they are so defensive and cold hearted. You never feel refreshed after talking to them. Instead, you feel gross and like you need an emotional shower to cleanse all the icky feelings they’ve left you with.

[LauriciasLunarMission]

I have noticed they also like to use kids and animals to appear as an empathetic sensitive person.

[Jrobi]

An empath treats his enemies better, than a narcissist treats his "friends".

[ashleybrock]

Setting boundaries has honestly changed my.life.

[dailyequanimity]

“Discussions turning into debates” which lead to compliance and conformity so they win; your words ring true here, Dr. C. Thank you!

[mLify]

I defeated a narc today. I simply told them "I'm not your punching bag. Find another source of supply, " over and over until they ran out of rage. It was glorious! \o/

[sallyclay]

U have to watch what u say to a narcissist. Dont ever tell him or her your personal family business. U have to protect yourself.

[laurarandolph]

This is a lot more subtle. The narcissist asks "caring" questions in a sympathetic manner until you take the bait. When you relax and start trusting them they cut you off in mid-sentence with a scowl or say "Bye" and hang up the phone. Or "I've got to go" as if you were holding them against their will.

You are left feeling humiliated from having revealed some personal information that caused the person to act disgusted or bored and abruptly end the conversation/visit or let you know that you have overstayed your welcome.

The feeling of embarrassment is hard to shake off and can cause quite a bit of emotional pain and a feeling of rejection.

[mamagarcia]

It’s like they’re empty inside and they feed from you...

[bookworm]

They act like they care so they can go around telling your business to everyone else (especially on social media) along with a story about how empathetic they are. They spend 10x the time patting themselves on the back for being nice as they do acting like they actually care.

[bmbutler]

Never, EVER share anything with a narcissist. They will turn it around and use it against you. I promise. My former co-worker did. He constantly threw it in their face acting like really cared. He could give a crap about it. He has now turned it on me even using the same words. Don't share. They don't care.

[bumblebeethoughts]

The only time my Narc said I was right, was when I said I was wrong.

[quarentinedlove]

So true about the you owe me mentality they don’t do anything for free EVER they always expect pay back

[EarthborneArt]

Everything is a transaction when it comes to Narcissists including empathy.

[cmk]

Thank you so much for this! My mother is a nurse and a narcissist, and your description of the doctor is just like her. Her patients think she is an angel, but that isn't the truth. Unfortunately the person she pretends to be is not the person she is in the rest of her life. If you are someone she is supposed to care about (kids, family, husband (4 and counting...) boyfriend, etc.) forget it. If you are a complete stranger she is the most loving, kind, empathetic person ever. "False empathy" sums it up perfectly. Thank you!

[tracy_aka_honey_too]

“Fool’s Gold” is a perfect description.

[AndriaBieberDesigns]

When my baby daughter died in February my mom, who I am convinced is a narcissist, gave me the worst fake kind of empathy. At one point she got mad at me because she didn’t know how to act around me and I wasn’t being gracious enough to her for being around me and trying to show me empathy. And I owed her. They are selfish all of time. Even when your grieving it’s still about them

[surferdude]

You cannot make a narcissist happy. If you completely bend to their will, they will be unhappy with you for having no backbone. If you do not comply completely with them, you are a traitor.
Don't worry about pleasing anyone all the time.
Do be true to your values and don't let anyone else's behavior be your excuse for betraying your values.
This way lies peace.

[Maki-]

My ex was good at faking empathy, even claiming to be an empath, himself. It’s those rare times that they fake empathy and show a sign of humanity that you fall for their BS, thinking that they have finally seen the light and will change. It’s all lies, though!