Detecting the narcissist's pseudo empathy

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
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One of the best quotes I've ever heard from Dr. Ramani is " narcissists do have empathy, they just choose not to use it." That REALLY opened my eyes.

sparkygump
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They pretend to be your friend and then use everything you told them against you.

LorettaGalvanni
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''The measure of a person is not how nice they are in a good day, but how graceful they are when the chips are down''
Wisdom!!! Thank you!

mariamakraki
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I finally realized that they only "Do Empathy" when there is clear payoff for them, with no real sacrifice. It's performative. And thank you, Dr. Ramani, for making these videos. They really helped me figure things out.

elizabethfarrington
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"The capacity for Narcissistic people to be empathic about issues or groups of people but not to real, living, breathing individuals is a signature characteristic." Brilliant, powerful video.

moniquejackson
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"The measure of a person is not how nice they are on a good day, but how graceful they are when the chips are down"... WOW, does this resonate with me!!! Thank you so much for that, and everything you do! ❤️

jamielester
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This is so real. My abuser even labeled themself as an “empath.” Their social media was full of justice-related posts and claims that they were so into community, while they were actively abusing me.

AgentSoz
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Selective empathy! I watched my father put on extra ordinary amount of humility and charm the other day, at a funeral while talking to a family friend. It was like watching a desperate child who suffers from shame and guilt, for being a tyrant, hoping they could convince others that they’re not really that bad and are worthy of love as well.

Then, when driving home, he continued to gossip about this particular man, who he felt was a complete loser. It triggered me into commenting, “how can you comment like this about another guy, when you yourself are so often wrong, about so many things?”

Obviously it didn’t go down well, never does. My poor mother had to use her simple logic again, to ask my father to stop talking about such subjects, seeing we’d just attended a funeral for a loved one. It’s a tough gig being around such a person. Some of this toxicity has rubbed off on me, so I’m fighting two battles. Keeping myself in check, while at the same time trying to survive emotional abuse, through constantly trying to avoid being hit by grenades. I’ve mastered the art of throwing them back, although I would have preferred not to have.

ggstylz
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You are telling the truth, Dr Ramani. Most narcs hate you for that.
Personally, I value very much your ability to instruct victims how to deal with narcissists without going no contact. That's the real deal that most therapists miss.

rangeelixir
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"Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen". (1 John 4:20) Pseudo empathy. You are great Dr Romani ❤️🇦🇷

yaninacueva
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Dr Ramani, this is so spot on! My spouse's pseudo empathy is what had me confused and bewildered for years (we're married 24 1/2 yrs). He's the first to make a meal for someone who is sick or organize a youth group work project. But comes home and berates our teenager with severe depression and chronic health issues for 'being lazy and going nowhere in life'. Please don't stop educating and speaking the truth about narcissism. You are truly the anchor that is keeping me firm in my decision to separate from my husband. And the few times that I started to drift away and question myself, I just watch another video and you pull me back to my senses. Thank you!

kathynornhold
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This is (as usual) 100% accurate! My mom, a dark Triad, shed tears while watching a promotional video of orphans in Russia (her coworker was in the adoption process); meanwhile, to her own child - me - she would berate, stop the car and yell at us to get out of her life, force us into hours of sports and music to please our father, force feed us against our will, and tried to sabotage my application to universities. This video put me at ease by clarifying so much cognitive dissonance and gaslighting. Watching the narcissist smile at church and befriend people, then behind closed doors rage at even the tiniest imperfection. I'd spend hours cleaning the house and she would say, "Why didn't you do the sink?" You can't win with these people. Anyway, thank you Dr Ramani for yet another session of healing 🙏

nathant
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This video hit really close to home for me. My narc mother and enabling father became foster parents when I was 8 years old and showed all the empathy in the world for other people's mistreated children yet had zero empathy for me. It was all about virtue signalling.

Ellie_Kat
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I've studied psych and am lead practitioner at a sub-acute mental health unit, however I got caught in a narcissistic relationship. Despite my education, I could not understand the behaviour at all - THANK YOU DR RAMANI! You are a beacon of light and insight and have helped SO much. Forget the haters, Doctor. People love you across the planet, but like me don't tell you how much you help. My hope is that you know how important sharing your insights are for so many, many people. I am not usually a YouTube commentator, but felt compelled to say my piece. Hope it reaches you - thank you again. Zoë

zoefritz
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And I’ll add to that, what a creepy feeling it is when they do share any type of “empathy” with you. It sounds so hollow. Kind of sitting on the edge of your chair waiting for the real empathic response to come.

SimbaAliaye
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Only a narcissist would say “you’re being mean to the narcissists”. Please don’t stop. You are helping many people!

butterfly
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Macro empathy!! Oh my god, this makes so much sense!! I was losing my mind trying to figure out why a narcissist in my life has so much empathy for people not related to her but when it comes to people in her life- living under the same roof- ZERO empathy!!! Fuck!!Thanks Dr. Ramani for introducing this concept to us through this channel.
I will sleep peacefully tonight.

charujainmb
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As a young adult going through EMDR treatment I just wanted to say I credit you Dr. Ramani with helping me to root out some of these traits in myself before they could take root. You've aided my development of self awareness post NPD abuse.

andrewjjahn
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Now that I'm educated on narcissism I am picking up on the difference between real comfort/empathy and the parroting of hollow words. They can say the right thing, but if you listen carefully you can hear how rote & devoid of emotion their words are

LinNoOne
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In Egypt, there is a saying that goes “May you never feel compassion for a loved one”. It came to my mind the minute I saw this video, and it dawned on me that the people of rural Egypt understand the dynamics of narcissism, they just don’t have the fancy terms. For many of these videos, one of old folksy sayings would pop into my mind that would illustrate each concept.

With this quote, I have heard it being said in a context where the narcissist is feigning or showing empathy for those who might not be the closest and yet fails to feel for the people closest or right in front of them. So, upon seeing this, a person might make the casual observation and make the comment “Wow. May you never feel compassion for a loved one”.

I have so many quotes about narcissism from Egypt, and I have been slowly putting them in my journal on narcissism. Who knew!

lucymars