Co-Parenting with a Difficult Personality - Mistakes People Make!

#mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove

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Stephanie

[adriana]

I watched this thinking it was going to help me with coparenting with my ex and realized I’m also the toxic one because I project so much anger and resentment towards him for all the pain he caused me in our relationship and now he is the calm and collected one through coparenting, this really made me realize I need to let go of alot

[betterdaze]

It just seems so unfair that they get to abuse us when they want and we must just sit in silence.
I do everything that was mentioned in this video and although it's a few and far between I get verbal abuse at least every week for trying to co parent. It used to be daily. Soon as you set boundaries they go off on one. The minute you leave the door open their nowhere insight.

They don't care about the kids they just want validation, attention and control

I'm fed up.

[miranda_withlocs]

I really needed to hear this today after crying the whole day. I’m finally going to accept that this person is just the way they are and no amount of over explaining will change who they are.

[ME-FAFO]

5 years ago when my journey started... I NEEDED this. Lol but life and court showed me. When it comes to written communication, you MUST learn that it can be a weapon or a shield. Just in the past year the constant communication and drama has come to a grinding halt. Still have to keep in the back of the mind that this person will slit the throat at all costs. There is no olive branch, stick to whatever is in your paperwork, stay the course. Life has a funny way of helping you out- thank you Stephanie!

[tiaratyson]

This was so vital. The overexplaining part def resonated with me and I’m learning to just keep it simple when it comes to my responses. All learning experiences

[donnarakitzis]

The over explaining was my pitfall for sure. Thank you. A lightbulb went off on this

[skbains]

I had to learn how to be a better version of myself. #1. I let go of my own anger for staying in a toxic relationship #2. I learned to forgive. #3. I learned how to be compassionate. #4. I set boundaries that allowed for a parallel friendship ❤️All steps were hard work & there were set backs. Consistency is the key & practicing that emotional muscle.

[auntyalau]

Great advice. Parallel parenting is the way forward with a toxic ex. Also working on your own need to control what happens when your child is with the other parent is a game changer. Boundaries are essential in this situation more than anything. Also putting things in writing for clarity and consistency.

[mikehinson]

Excellent video!!!! My ex wife is like a rabid animal in her efforts to hurt me. Thank god my daughter has chosen to live with me full time but my 8 year old son still has to go every other weekend!!! Like you said she does nothing to benefit the children. Many of your videos has helped me over the last 4 years!! Thanks so much
Mike from NC

[michellew]

It’s the same as when we were married. If he wants to have a good day then we have a good day. If he wants to co parent then we co parent well. Once I set boundaries that upset him. The best thing you can do is FOLLOW the schedule ALWAYS.

[loredell]

Obviously I'm here bc I'm in this kind of situation atm. What I don't understand is how it is expected that someone who never "coparented" while being married (just paper)/living together has even the rights to coparent afterward. They say it's for the children, but for the children's sake it is best not to know this person. As well as not idealizing a father, but keep him away. He was abusive in all ways, physically, verbally, sexually, yet I have to cater to what the court says bc the times I tried to go to the police I had no way to prove it more than my words. He assaulted me and my father in front of my kids, still nobody listens to my children. He finally got his way last month and was allowed to take the children 2 days/week for some hours: he drives at 200km/h (around 125mph), he drinks while driving, he had the kids all day and they ate once in 10h, plus he doesn't follow covid rules in our state.
Can someone explain to me why I have to do any healing or try anything for my kids to be with a bad person? I finally was strong to kick him out for real after 13 years, but he's never out. And also not in jail as he should be.
He has a girlfriend and I actually thought "well, at least shell keep him in check with the kids". Well, I thought wrong, she's as toxic as he is, belittling me in front of my kids without knowing me (I never met her before) and being sassy, uploading pictures of my kids on her social media as telling me "ha, we got them", etc. How can a sane person (if I still am) give away her 2 kids willingly to such couple? It's like me knowing a teacher is an a-hole and not complaining to the school or bringing my kids to him voluntarily. I'm sorry. No.
This isn't ONLY about mental health, acceptance, forgiveness, etc. This goes beyond all that. "Coparenting with a toxic person" shouldn't be allowed by law.

[terrygobson]

I have children in there 40s.
The games never end.
I think one of my children is narcissistic.

[sabrinalopez]

Wow... I been through this and it was way worse then everything your saying. I wish I could have done it all alone all it did was damage my son mentally he knew he couldn't hurt me so he used my son it's very sad. My son is 16 punched him one time and broke his dads nose he finally left us alone thank God!

[shastafog]

Chaos always being created by the Narc parent. Still trying to treat the ex-wife and kids as possession.
Love and hate that this relationship is so predictable.

[jessacosta]

I am currently separated going through a divorce with two kids and I’m currently a SAHM. I’ve been with my soon to be ex husband for 13 years and he’s a big nasty narcissist. He WILL not be cordial and is constantly accusing me of cheating and tells me many times how he knows I’ve “moved on”. I never ever go out and all I do is stay home, he constantly goes out every few days and some nights he doesn’t even sleep at the house. I don’t confront him about these things anymore for a long time actually. I already know he will make this so difficult for me when I go back to work and get my own apartment for our kids and I. He already does on days I want to run a quick grocery store errand and don’t want to take the kids on that day, he accuses me of going to see someone else and tells me I need to learn how to take the kids. Let me just say that I always have my children. I take them everywhere I go and rarely have I ask him to watch the kids while I go grocery shopping. It’s been over 3+ that I’ve seen a friend and had dinner or have done anything for myself yet I’m the one that’s “wrong” all the time.

[hazelgrace]

I appreciate this video because I have been spiraling for a minute and it’s been hard for me to release the control of what’s going on or whoever my child would be exposed to and it really made me just want to go ahead and cut him out entirely since he has no legal custody but I realize that toxic and wouldn’t benefit my child in the long run. I will definitely follow that approach of we don’t communicate in a friendship manor just the normal requirements regarding the child so I no longer have to try to make something work emotionally with him and I don’t have to know about his personal life that other wise might upset me because the main purpose is just for my child to have a good relationship with both parents. He will definitely be doing everything on his own though because I at first wanted to help him and make this process as easy as possible and I realize I don’t have to assist a grown up who other wise would not assist me.

[msatutude]

I really appreciate how you bring out PRACTICAL tips and examples. There are alot of people educating us about narcissists, but HOW do we deal with it? You're one of the first that really has helped me loo at everything logically and not just what they did to me

[MihaelaClaudiaPuscas]

I'm listening and learning as I'm not a parent! Anyway I dare say that I wouldn't raise my kid with a toxic person (I had a toxic father and no thanks, not for my kids!)

[pollyseip]

All the more reason not to have kids right away in relationships. Get to know yourself first and foremost, and really get to know the person you’re with. Because the second you have a kid with someone, you are tied to them for life. Be smart people.

[kathrynholgate]

This is great info. I struggle with those that are subtlety abusive, that are camelions in disguise, the same rules don't apply to them as they do you! I hope we all one day put our children 1st, besides taking care of ourselves of course. Thank you!