Situationships: They're 'not ready'

Julia writes, “Hi, dear Susan! I admire your work! You helped a lot of people and I hope you could help me. I'm dating a man about 3 months, we spent a lot of time together, he met my friends. He said he liked me and admires me. For me it all seemed like something exclusive. But recently, we had conversation and he said he isn't ready for a relationship. He wants to look around. What should I do?”

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The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?

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[TheGabrielberki]

If they say they didn’t mean to ‘lead you on’ or ‘you deserve better’ just run away.

[fatcatontario]

He is not that into her, but loves whatever she provides at the moment. Don't waste your precious time on being a placeholder for no one. Sorry if this is coming off as harsh, but he is not a good person for doing this!!!

[auser]

The best revenge for your exes - just never think about them again

[LisaGemini]

Susan, this casual situationship trend is annoying. That's why you have to lay all your cards on the table and explain what a relationship means to you. A lot of people are not dating intentionally or seriously. They're looking for validation and want to stroke their egos. I love how you put it, like leasing a car! 😆

[briechilli]

I was specific with my new man and he agreed, then led me on to until his “he is not ready”. Such games hurt.

[jeanp.]

Look around???? Help him look as you show him the door.

[landontheicon]

been there done that. don’t go shopping for milk at a hardwood store.

[leoniehourani]

Susan I was in this exact predicament recently. We dated for 5/6 months. The minute I approached the subject of a relationship, I was dumped - thrown out in the cold/ he gave me every excuse under the sun … “he’s not in a good place right now”, “it’s not the right timing”, “he was traumatised from his ex”, seeing a psychologist… blah blah blah !!! I was absolutely gutted. He came into my life as my 23 year marriage (31 years total relationship) was ending and I feel so stupid. I had been with my husband since I was 16 yrs old. He was all have ever known and felt safe with. It’s taken me a long time to heal from this 5 mths plus everything else and try to move past the way he used me and then dropped me like yesterdays news. I too (like the client in your letter) thought we were feeling genuine love together. I am terrified of what is out there as it’s been so long for myself being a part of the dating world.

[Hilary]

If a man doesn't ask you to be his girlfriend, you aren't in a relationship.

[YouTubeUzername]

Its rough out here! It seems as if the people who want relationships are already in them! 😂😂😂

[lmusima]

This why I’ve now cut off all friendships with guys. I’ve wasted too much time being heartbroken 💔 and back in the cycle 🔁 of attachment after attachment, watching them disappear or go after other women before my eyes. They aren’t my friends at all. They’re all looking for placeholders and situationsships to have their needs fulfilled.

[cmrandall]

Susan, you are a life saver for all people who find themselves in that confusing situation. We're taught to play "cool girl/guy" and go along with whatever the other person wants, otherwise we run the risk of being boring or needy. At the end of the day it's just about boundaries though. We can't let people come into our lives, lead us on, get the best from us, and then drop us when we ask for definition and a little commitment. At that point, we're not honoring ourselves. The letter writer needs to follow your advice and leave that situationship. If the guy she is seeing values her, he will get serious quickly

[Ginmabes]

I am DONE with apps, they gave me anxious, nervy feelings and made me think of myself and other people in a way I didn't really like. If I meet someone in the real world, great, if I don't? That's okay too, I'll deal with it.

[flower_]

If it happened to me at this point of my life ( after working on myself) I would accept it for what it is, I wouldn't deny it's painful but definitely accept it and I would also believe that we're not on the same page, he's not good for me and the Universe will give me more suitable man but in order to meet him I MUST move on with my life now 😊

[acd]

These men do that. I had one guy who would invite me to things and he acted as a bf but when I raised the issue, he acted like I was crazy. So I had to make the decision to completely block him without letting him no because every time I would tell him the truth, he would act like I am crazy.

[lolachlih]

I say just turn the other way and never look back!

[lisaariottiart]

I recently dated someone with pure intention... did not last long after the cards were laid.

What a shame we had explosive chemistry and great conversation -- we liked similar things.

I said I prefer commitment and monogamy and I don't lead in dating with my sexuality.

I prefer to deep dive and really get to know someone. Sex is 100 times better when its comes from a safe place both emotionally and physically.

At first he was with me in spirit but then he said this is usually not how it works I have sex then get to know the person.

Then he friendzoned me but still wanted me in his life.

Bye Bye Felcia👋🏻

[iwlflcy]

Invested three months with someone who seemed interested. Half way through a moment of intimacy she said “ I can’t be in a relationship” 🤦‍♀️ waste of energy and time. Was given signals of interest . She told me after date two “ I am looking for a real and honest relationship” yet realised she couldn’t actually have one.

[Shayycraft_]

I was in a new relationship with a guy and he asked me to be his girlfriend almost immediately and then I started to notice his bad habits, I asked him for more and all of a sudden he wasn’t ready for a real relationship. I wanted the relationship to end but I should of vetted him properly before giving myself to him so soon. He was an actual waste of time and a looser.

[LizEarthAngel]

Thank you I needed to hear this, I just left my over 3 year situation ship, don’t let it get that far! At the end he wanted a relationship but to many things that I can’t trust him on now, so bye bye 👋